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Thread: 20 + 20 = 1

  1. #1

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    Angry 20 + 20 = 1

    I'm not sure where some people actually live or grew up. Or where they learned that it was okay to come up to another person and actually criticise the decisions they have made. I don't when it was considered 'polite' to come up to a 19-year-old girl and tell her that 'having a thing [insinuating a baby] that young is the worst thing to ever do to it [again, the baby]'. Forgive that same 19-year-old girl for asking her friend [whom she was walking with] to hold the pram, while the 19-year-old now ****ed off mother of one, punched this punk person in the face.



    After hearing positives from strangers, you never expect to hear negativity from a friend. Becoming a mother at 19, I actually lost 5 of my friends. Friends I'd had in high school and swore that we'd be there for each other. Thick and thin? Yeah right, the second I had a baby belly, they were long gone. They hated to be thought of as friends of the young dumb soon to be mum.

    I chose to forget about them because I wasn't going to hang around people like that anyway. Sadly, the only people that seem to offer any sort of understanding were 40 years old. Parents to teenagers, just like me. It was sad, it was hurting.

    I did the right thing, I learnt as much as I could from those around me, ignored the almost hateful things my so called friends said to me, and strangers telling me I have ruined my life and there is nothing good in the life of this baby.

    I was nineteen when Faith was born, and I was as proud as any other mum in that hospital. I was as willing to accept responsibility, take care, be thrown up on as anybody else.... yet I was still seen as an irresponisbile immature little kid who got knocked up. It was unfair that I had to prove myself to complete strangers.

    The other women in my ward were proud of me too, because instead of getting overwhelmed when my baby started squarking, I handled it myself, doing what I thought was best.

    You know the worst thing is when people ask your age and then say, 'oh, was she a accident?' in a whispered voice. Forgive me, but I want to hurt them. It doesn't matter.

    Why don't fourty-five-year-old new mums have to prove themselves?

    It can be so unfair. But you know what, to hell with them, because I do whats best for my little girl and I dont have to prove anything.


    Thank you for reading my anger... I feel good now. I know other people feel the same, but I am willing to write it for all of them.

  2. #2

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    Good for you Sharon! Being pg and becoming a parent is never easy at the best of times, let alone when you are constantly defending yourself against other people and their opinions.

    People forget that there are just as many 30 yo that have no idea and make pretty crappy parents too. And you know what, 20-30 years ago this wouldn't even have been an issue because it was the norm then for couples to get together young and have families right away.

    Poo to them Sharon - you are doing just great!

  3. #3

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    Sharon I'm sure you are a great mum! Its sad how people sometimes frown upon younger mums. If youre a good mum, it doesnt matter how old or young you are!

  4. #4

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    I agree with Sherie. No matter how old you are, being a first time mum will be the same. I had my daughter when i was 18 and i am just about to have my son and i am now 20. I lost all but 1 friend when i found out i was pregnant. It was so hard, but i got there in the end, dispite what others thought. You and I, we are just like any other mother in this world. We are great mothers just for bringing them into this world and loving them!

  5. #5

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    Shaz i was 17 when i got pregnat and i was keeping ,my little darling. I lost my angel at 17 weeks I'm suire u are a great mother. have confidence in yourself

  6. #6

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    Sharon, I really don't know where these ppl get off!! To be completely honest, I never had anyone appoach me as a 15yo mum... NEVER! They may have said things behind my back (yes I heard a few things, like the older sister of a friend I had in primary school told her sister that she didn't like me anymore because what I have done is wrong. *shrugs* Maybe she was pro abortion for anyone under the age of consent?? Maybe I was wrong for having the courage to face up to my resposablities??)

    But I don't think anyone has the right to judge someone when they have done NOTHING wrong!!

    If it were any other period in time, a 19yo mother would be totally normal! Why is it so hard to accept now-a-day?? Weird!

    Tanya

  7. #7

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    Smile Somethings Just Never Change



    Thanks to your overwhelming response, it really is good to see that others agree with me. My DH doesn't really get bothered that much because he looks a lot older and is actually quite a big guy, people steer clear of him when he's pushing Faith in the pram or what not.

    It will be funny to see how people react when I have my next baby, as I'll be older and probably wiser. I wonder if it will make that much of a difference.

  8. #8

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    I really don't think age matters that much. As long as the baby is loved and fed and not abused in anyway, then there is no way you could be doing the wrong thing by it. I don't know anyone who hasn't found being a parent hard at times, age doesn't change that one bit, as long as ur heart is in the right place and the bub is looked after, who gives a damn what age you are having the bub....

  9. #9

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    That whole, "was she/he an accident" - what a load of rot!! My parents were married for 9 years, had had their pigeon pair then went away on holiday and low and behold, #3 was born 9 months later! Hilarious thing was that the same story happened 3 years later.....#4 appeared 9 months later!!! (will be avoiding that holiday spot!! lol!) So unplanned babies are not exclusively for the younger mums - people should really pull their heads in!! :mad:
    I have 2 friends who had unplanned pg at 18/19 and whilst the initial feeling was shock, what else could they do but embrace their new chapter in their life journey...and they are wonderful mummys! One has just popped out #2 with her DH!!

    You sound like a fully switched on and wonderful mother! Oh goodness! I know mother's who have had their kiddies (kiddies now in their teens) and are almost completely useless and clueless as parents!

    So good on you and have so much fun as your precious little family grows!!

  10. #10
    Jacquelyn Guest

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    Hi, I am so sorry that you have to suffer the ignorance of some. I don't know myself why people find it so necessary to offer an opinion much less verbalise one, when it has not been asked for.

    This is actually one of the things that I struggle with most in my life currently, I am not pregnant, but have three beautiful children I am proud of and I also have terminal bone cancer. Like you I have people say the most extraordinary things both to my face and behind my back. Some have the audacity to say I exagerate my illness because I look too good. I have had 25 rounds of chemo 20 rounds of radiation baldness etc etc and because I continue to try and keep things as normal as possible for my kids, I am doubted. But what hurts most is the things that are said to my 15 year old along the same lines it breaks my heart.

    My point here I suppose is just to say to you, what you do and what you know is all that matters, age is irrelevant. We have all seen mothers at 40 not cope very well and yes we have seen mothers at 17 not cope well either. Age does not descriminate. But there are also women on both ages that are wonderful.

    You just keep on trying to be the best mother you can, and your child is already a winner anyway.

    Best of luck and enjoy your wee bundle, they grow up soooooooo fast

    Blessings

    Jacquelyn

  11. #11
    baby4 Guest

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    Dont Even Let Them Worry You For A Second I Had My First Baby At 19 Hey Well At Least You Wernt 14 I Ended Up Having More Children To The Same Person Hows Your Friends Thay Really Arent Worth It How Low You Must Live In A Crazy Town As I Live In Newcastle Area And 19 Would Be Considered A Normal Age To Be Pregnant Not An Age To Be Degradded Over Good Luck Mate And Ignore The Negatives Im Overdue With My 4th Baby And Im Now 30 And Would Not Take Back Being Pregnant At 19 For Anything Or Anyone

  12. #12
    victorine Guest

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    Hi Sharon!
    Well, it's 3 am , and I've stumbled accross your post as i couldn't sleep!
    Honey, I'm 33 year old, 16 weeks pregnant, and I have been asked "if it was an accident?!", not by strangers, but family memebers to make it worse! as DH, whose no longer DH has f...ed off , within days of me falling pregnant after 6 years of marriage!
    So you see, age doesn't matter, and I get inspired by you, because right now, I'm more terrified than anything! Your post gives me hope than a woman of any age can get through pregnancy is she stay focus on the baby, and I'm planning to.
    As to people: Don't take any sh.t from anyone!

    All the best

    Vicky

  13. #13

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    HEy Sharon, i can sympathise, i had my son (now 3) at 19, and lost all of my friends. My partner and i chose to have more, i had my second son at 21 (we got married in between those two) and i recently had my third, a girl, at 22. We want to have more, but people, even our families can only say "I hope you two have learned what contraception is now." If i was 30, noone would care. It sucks, especially my mum saying it, as she had 6 (and not fot he right reasons, she just liked us at babies, then ignored us as we got bigger, we weren't cute or fun anymore.)

    If you want to chat, im here. Dont stress ok?? Enjoy your princess, she's what matters, not all these d!ckheads.

  14. #14

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    just curious, where do you live?? you dont HAVE to tell us....

  15. #15

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    heya sharon, I agree that age doe's not matter, I had just tured 22 when I had my son and I got loads of looks and stares, I think the worst was when I went to anti-natal classes as I was the youngest, I think it is up to the person who is having the baby I have a SIL who was 31 when she had her first bub and it was a very planned well thought out pregnancy and she has not coped at all it has knocked her rotten and she read and prepared herself for becoming a mum and very much looked down on me because of my age etc thinking she knew better, well I know I coped with having a baby at 22 more so than she did at 31 so no age does not matter and some people need to mind their nose, and no it doesnt stop when we had our daughter some family members stoped talking to us for a long time as how dare we even consider this, and now we want a 3rd and its still coming and I am almost 28 have been married for 4 yrs and together for 7 so whats their problem well it changes all the time from people should only have 2, to it will rewin my life, well being a mum is what I love and being a mum is what I will be so it has been our decision to ignore and not listen to what people say whose life is it anyway. so good on you for not listening to their rubbish.

    Vicky How horrible for you, and grrrr @ your dh what a fool sorry but being a mum or a dad is one of the best things in the world maybe he will realise this and come to his sences, and as for it being a mistake ppphhhttt at them OMG WTF how dare anyone assume such a thing I think you are old enough to not have a mistake, I think the mentality of people these days always revolves around career and money. good luck to you I wish you all the best and hope everything goes just perfect for you, and please know that there is heaps of support here anytime you need it there is no judgment here hon.
    Last edited by *Elle*; October 9th, 2006 at 10:29 AM.

  16. #16

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    I am just so pleased that I can let you into my thoughts and find that not only can you understand and relate, but you can even tell of your own stories.

    I know there will always be people who judge others, be it their parenting skill or the way they look. Anything. I just tell myself that those who are judging must be insecure about themselves.

    Thanks for your thoughts.

  17. #17

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    I just wanted to say that I admire the way you look at others with their opinions and I agree with you 100% I had a friend that would judge me when ever I spoke to her for not being a working mum but have since realised that she is actually very insecure that I am happy being an at home mum and she is not iukwim I think I am being confusing but I supose in a way she is a little threatened by the way I love it and she doesnt.

  18. #18
    victorine Guest

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    Hi Amy, Thanks for the support! I'm on msn if you want to chat at: [email protected]

    Cheers, and thanks again!
    Vic

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