Hey Supa_star, without crapping on about my past, I just wanted to say that as hard as it seems, it will get easier. So hang in there. :hugs:
It sounds like you know in your heart you are doing the right thing, so be strong. It will probably be best for you and your son in the long run.
And try to remember that a leopard very rarely changes its spots.
Thinking of you, i hope you find someone to talk to up there. x