Have a chat with DD and let her know she doesn't have to go, let the stupid man fight for visitation (but it doesn't sound like he will - the ahole). Did the councellor give you any help with what to say to her about it?
Will the councellor write a letter giving his recommendation? If so, maybe you can post it off to the mother to explain why you are stopping the visits to HIM, but not her?
Post a picture up of him, then if any BB girls recognize him, they can kick him in the gonads for you xoxoxoxoxo
Lulu he chooses to see his partner instead of spending time with his beautiful daughter when he only GETS to see her 20ish times a year. I doubt he even HAS gonads....
It sounds like an awful situation & really men need a child responsibility chip implanted sometimes.
My sisters Xp sounds similar, can't decide if he wants to see the kids or not they see his mum more regularly then him.
Anyway... can you speak to the counsellor again? cause I think if you stop all visitation it could cause more grief, could you discuss with the counsellor the pro's & con's of day visits for a few hours, once a month, every few weeks? Does your DD like her xp's mum, could that become a semi regular thing so instead of going with dad & being hurt when she get's dumped her visit is with her grandmother IYKWIM?
I really hope things improve & please give your DD some extra big hugs from us
Kittn3 : he never contacts us, if anyone rings its his MUm to arrange weekend visits, this has been happening for the last 3 years and gradually got worse.
Njd: we have been working with him about his visits for the last year, my DD wrote him a letter while with the councilor, then we posted it to him, it was basically her telling him she loved him and was feeling hurt that he wouldnt spend time with her, DD saw the letter open on the kitchen table but it was never spoken about.
I will be telling her Nana that she is most welcome to come visit DD and to take her out on day trips etc, but she will no longer be sleeping, we will see what her dad does about it, i have a feeling he will just let it slide as it will be easier for him.
I will arrange a meeting with the councilor again to see if she can put her findings in writing , then i will go see my lawyer again, he told me i can stop visits if it is doing emotional or physical damage and frankly it is doing both.
I had a good talk to him a yr ago, I told him he needed to step up and start seeing her and spending time with her or as she got older she wouldnt want anything to do with him, he said yeah and then did nothing. I have put up with his half ars88d efforts for 8 yrs now and my poor DD has suffered for this long i think enough is enough . How many chances can you give.
You are doing the right thing Tania - and you always have when it comes to access to your baby (!) girl. Whatever you do from here will be the right thing too.
If the school is actually saying this it must be pretty serious as usually schools won't stick their necks out in this kind of thing.
I would do as the other wise ladies have suggested and keep her home or let her visit his mother for day visits.
My DP is in a similar circumstance with his ex (they have 2 kids 5, 2.5 yrs between them).
In our defence I will say that the ex isn't very good at handling life in general on her own as she's always had someone to do everything for her. She visits long lost friends out of the blue and leaves the kids with them so she can go out with her new man (and then is uncontactable when the friend tries to call her and tell her 'E' is sick). 'E' has learning difficulties (like her mother) and needs special attention in school - but to our knowledge nothing has been diagnosed.
Since being with her new man they have lodged a complaint at our work about DP - and due to where we work - we were not able to make face to face contact with the ex as it could complicate the investigation of the complaint. She never answers the phone, rarely returns msgs, we've sent registered mail and still haven't heard back from her.
It's been 7 mths since we've seen the kids and due to shift work - DP only has one weekend off in 6 weeks. So not a lot of time, but it's time all the same. There are also times when on school holidays he can spend mornings with them before he goes to work and phone calls etc. I know it's not a lot - but it's all he can do.
Last Thursday the ex answered her phone and said 'E' is getting counselling (over their break up) and the counsellor doesn't think one weekend in 6 is good enough - so we won't be able to see the kids over Xmas (and E's b'day which is just before new year). I am in doubt over whether the counsellor even exists.
We caught up with DP's mate Thursday evening who saw the ex at the shopping centre about 6-7 mths pregnant. And 'E' told the mate that 'Dad is dead'. Please tell me no counsellor would tell a child their father is dead, when it is not the case ...I am thinking the ex can't handle the situation and to simplify her life is keeping my DP from seeing the kids.....
Tan - as already suggested I'd have the counsellor send a letter to that effect to the ex, and see what he does from there, but I'd certainly still let the day trips with Nan continue...It is a bit sad that in the time he is able to spend with DD that he goes elsewhere and, um...yeah.
Thanks for posting this topic. It has made me think twice about the whole 'parenting order' thing - as if this counsellor (in our situation does exist) they could be bought in as a witness which could go against us (as your lawyer said) and then we'd legally have no rights to see the kids.
The only way we could have them more is if they stayed home with me while DP went to work (which is just as good as DD being left with her nan i guess??)....
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they see his mum more regularly then him.
...I am thinking the ex can't handle the situation and to simplify her life is keeping my DP from seeing the kids.....
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