It sounds like an awful situation & really men need a child responsibility chip implanted sometimes.

My sisters Xp sounds similar, can't decide if he wants to see the kids or not they see his mum more regularly then him.

Anyway... can you speak to the counsellor again? cause I think if you stop all visitation it could cause more grief, could you discuss with the counsellor the pro's & con's of day visits for a few hours, once a month, every few weeks? Does your DD like her xp's mum, could that become a semi regular thing so instead of going with dad & being hurt when she get's dumped her visit is with her grandmother IYKWIM?

I really hope things improve & please give your DD some extra big hugs from us