Hi Vicky, please don`t take this the wrong way, but I don`t exactly understand this statement:

There is a very clear distinction with DH that DD and DS are MY children, not his, and the one on the way is his. All I want is us to be a family, without borders of who belongs to who.(
I`m not judging you at all, but to me the first sentence says to me that your living with two separate families yours and ours (when your little one arrives), yet the second sentence your saying you want to be a family. I`m just totally confused LOL

When I grew up I had 2 sisters, one 10 years older from Mum`s previous relationship and one 3 years younger from the same Dad as myself, we were ALWAYS a family and never did my elder sister refer to myself or younger sister as half sisters or vice versa, My Dad was like a Dad to my elder sister, he was their for her through the good and bad times and I don`t ever recall Mum saying that she is her daughter and not his.

I`m also Mum to two stepsons and I have two sons to their father, we see DH`s boys on a regular basis, I treat them like my own, this includes discipline as well, the 4 boys are all brothers, there are no barriers in this family when we`re all together, it`s really the only way it can work if all children are treated the same way. We haven`t had any issues with the boys accepting their younger brothers, in fact just yesterday I had one of the elder boys ask if Dad and I will be having more children as he`d still like a sister

Not sure if I`ve helped you and I think I did go off the topic a bit their but I do stress that it is really, really important that all children are treated in the same way by both yourself and your DH.

Take Care

Dee