Registered User
Im hearin ya blondie, that's how our gatherings work too!
Registered User
Ummm excuse me....I did offer to bring something which was a genuine offer but not the whole meal. I just resent that these people always rock up with nothing and never once even think to bring something however small along just because. Clearly you have no freeloading friends....so I must seem like an over-reactor.
Registered User
Yes but again that is your situation and how you and your friends work. Blondie explained the way it is with her friends and how they normally do their get togethers.
Registered User
In our group we wouldn't think twice if they asked us to supply a slab or a bottle, we all put in and if we ask & that's the reply so be it... If money is short then I'd be honest & say sorry guys not this week, how about I bring .......
Also if you know these friends are free loaders & you don't like that they don't offer then either ask them to bring something upfront to contribute, talk to them about it or don't invite them.
Yes it's courtesy to ask but maybe they missed the course in manners.
I have free loader friends but I learnt quick enough not to offer to them & to be blunt about what I expected if them, 1 I'm still great friends with, the other couldn't see why I was upset and well we see each other maybe once a year.
Sent from my iPhone, more than likely while I should be doing something else!
Registered User
I think it's ruder that you asked, she said and now you are *****ing.
What it's $10 that's what I'd take in drinks or desert. I reckon you can't ask then complain no matter what.
Sorry
Moderator
Perhaps it's simply that they thought hot chicken would be a great meal and they figured that you were in the car driving over so it would be easier for you to nip into the supermarket and pick up a hot fresh chicken rather than them having to get in the car to get one.
My brother is a notorious free-loader - but we have learned it's not about free-loading. He doesn't think about who owes what to who, or who spends more or earns more. He's just a bit lazy and looking for a convenient way to get things done. That usually means getting other's to do it!
At least you can be guaranteed a nice hot tasty meal tonight.
Registered User
Neither would I when it comes to my group of friends as that is the norm for us, but it that really has nothing to do with blondies situation.
Yeah it sucks that she has some friends that are freeloaders and based on past history with her friends, I am sure when bloondie made the offer she had a different idea of what the answer might be and is a little shocked by it and came on here to speak her mind. What is only $10 to one person, might be alot more to someone else.
Moderator
Is the friendship worth more to you than a BBQ chook?
If so, I'd forget about it. You asked, you got the answer.
To me, hospitality is just that - being hospitable. It's not about keeping score.
If I'm not comfortable about opening my home and sharing what I had with people, I wouldn't invite them. But I certainly dont consider it a quid pro quo arrangement.
Registered User
Wow, empathy vacuum in this thread. Did I miss a full moon or something?
Think Blondie was just having a vent- as we all like to do now and then.
Registered User
Yeah to be honest I did just get on here to vent and I do appreciate others opinons but I didn't expect to be attacked...
In our group, we share the hosting and the host provides pretty much everything and then others bring bits and peices, which can be anything...so if they want to bring something it can be what ever they want. I have probably said this 15 times already but these people are not "playing by the rules" so to speak. They are happy to go to other peoples's houses for Dinner, take nothing, eat their fill and leave and but aren't prepared to reciprecate...
Registered User
Yeah but this is the life etiquette forum, not punching bag, to me this is a place for discussion and opinions.
I too wouldn't have an issue, freeloaders or not. A roast chook from Woolies isn't a meal for 4 adults to me. Someone else is probably bringing some salads, some breads, dessert. Drinks? I'll always ask to bring something, or even if I'm hanging out for pizza, I'll offer to at the very least pay for my share, if not the whole thing. My friends and I treat each other; one night you get this, next time it's my shout. A $10 chook is cheaper than bringing a bottle of plonk for 4, or a dessert for 4. So to me it's not bad etiquette, I have no qualms in asking friends for help. This weekend we're moving houses, and I've roped in friends to help, drive and tow and move all our stuff 30 minutes away. We're paying them in pizzaSo not really a 'fair' payment for the labour, but we will happily help them out whenever the need it
Hun I don't think you're being attacked. Nobody is having a go at you, there is just a lot of opposition to your opinion, which can seem overwhelming.
Registered User
LOL! Thank you!
Moderator
In that case stop inviting then or accept that's how they are and enjoy their friendship.
Registered User
I think she was just having a vent too, its her situation and to her this is alot to take to someones house. OBVIOUSLY she will learn from this and not do it again.
I think its a strange thing for somone to ask but I would take it if asked.
Registered User
Perhaps this original post would have been better being posted in the boohoo room.
I get why your peeved but I don't agree they did the wrong thing. When people accept certain behaviors, how are they to know its not right? I have friends that are just completely oblivious unless we specifically point stuff out. Even if it is staring them in the eye with lights flashing and sirens blaring.
Sorry you feel the way you do and I do hope you either find a way to make peace with the situation or change it..
Good luck hun!
Administrator
Wrong section for a vent
I think I'm going to worry now that when people offer to help me or bring something that they aren't bring genuine. Eek!
Registered User
Duly notedWrong section for a vent
I think I'm going to worry now that when people offer to help me or bring something that they aren't bring genuine. Eek!
yeah but would you ask them to bring the main meal? LOL
Registered User
sounds like it's not actually that they asked you to bring a chook that bothers you... it's the inequity of it.... that they don't usually contribute.....
I guess you are going to have to ask them to bring something next time - perhaps the manners they are lacking is in the 'offering' to bring something to yours... rather than in asking you to bring a chicken....
(personally I reckon a chicken is WAY easier to arrange than a salad or something.... there's no preparation!)
But I agree with most of the others..... if you are going to ask, you are silly to be annoyed when they ask you to bring something you're not happy about..... I guess if you want to be polite, you offer to bring something that suits you...., or you say... "hmm sorry, I won't be have time to get a chicken, but I have a frozen pizza I can bring if that's okay?" (but prepared for them to be annoyed at you though if you did say that.... cause... if you're going to ask... well .....
(still you're entitled to feel irritated if you feel the friendship is a bit unbalanced..... just have to work out what you can do to feel better about that)
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