Non-Drivers Cooee!!!!!! - Your Reasons And Will They Change?

[fionas]

I'm interested in hearing from non-drivers - specifically why they're a non-driver and whether they can see that changing in the future.

So here's my story. Growing up, my parents didn't have a car for financial reasons, so I guess it always struck me as an alien/scary concept. Then I went to uni and no-one drove because no-one could afford a car. Then I moved to London and still no-one drove because you'd have to be nuts to drive in London and why would you when the Tube got you everywhere you needed to go.

Then I moved to Australia at 23 and have always lived in the inner suburbs with relatively good public transport so even though driving would definitely be handy, I got by.

In the meantime, the idea of driving just scared me more and more. As I got older, it always seemed to be something that 'other' people did but wasn't for me.

Then I got divorced and lost my chauffeur!!!

Then I lost my job and another job that I was really interested in required me to have a licence. HATED this idea but sat my test in an automatic and passed.

So that should have been the end of my non-driving days right? No, that job then became redundant and I was strapped for cash so couldn't afford a car so was granted another reprieve.

So the silliest part of this story is that I have not driven ONCE since I passed my test.

In the meantime my licence expired and there have been stuff-ups with VicRoads so until today, I have been without a valid licence.

But I have now come to the conclusion that really, my life would be more interesting if I could drive. I have lived in the same house for 13 years and get bored going to the same old places or not being able to easily get to the places I want to get to because it will take too long on the train.

So even though I'm very, very scared I think that I need to bite the bullet and start driving. Obviously I'm not going to just get into a car and drive. I'll need to take some sort of refresher course and get my confidence up but ... EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK.

What about you?

[Rivlas]

Out our way we have the METEC driving school which is really good so you could do a refresher there. My DD's went there before they got their licences and the instructor they had was excellent.

My neighbour was in her 40s before she learnt to drive, still got lost but she didn't know why she didn't do it years ago. I think her reasons were similar to yours, she lived in Richmond so didn't need one.

Bite the bullet and go for it.

[Phteven]

I stayed on my L's for ages because I didn't need a car in the inner-city.
Once I moved to the 'burbs and started breeding it became more practical to have my own car and get a licence.
TBH I wish I'd done it ages ago - I like driving and it's much easier to be spontaneous when you don't need to use public transport.

[Astrid]

I did not get my licence till I was about 22. I wanted to get one along with everyone else when I was 17, but no-one really wanted to take me for lessons. The one lesson my step father gave me there was my mother screaming in the back, so very stressful. My mother did not drive, so I basically grew up using public transport, walking and taxis if need be. When I was no longer at home I always made sure I lived on the edge of the CBD so I could walk to most places, or at least have a cheap taxi ride home. Ended up buying a car when I was 22 and taking lessons. Whilst there were many places I could go without a car, I still wanted to go to others and was tired of relying on others for lifts or trying to carry large items home. Once I got my licence I was still cautious with driving, I had left it a bit late and lost my teenage confidence, so I still walked most places like work etc I did end up with a couple of jobs where I needed a car, so I suddenly made up for the lateness in starting.

When I was 24 we moved to Melbourne and I stopped driving. We had DH's (then DP) car, I was just not comfortable driving it, also driving in Melbourne scared the crap out me. So different to Tassie driving. Melbourne was good with public transport and I always made sure we lived near a train line and that my work was in the CBD. We survived quite well with just DH driving. There were the odd times though he got quite crabby with me for not driving and that got worse when DD1 was born. He really wanted me to drive in case she had to go to hospital. Of course there were times where he wanted to have a drink.

Finally one day after about 10 years of not driving I just had to one day, thankfully we had an auto by then. Even though I had started in a manual, getting into an auto made it much easier after such a long break. DH had been out for his big work Christmas party and the next day we really needed to go to the supermarket, well he was too drunk to drive so I had to. I was a nervous wreck, but at least he was beside me telling me where to turn and change lanes etc After that I stuck to local areas and places we drove to a lot.

I am glad I started to drive again, it opened up many things for me, especially after having kids. So good not having to drag a pram onto public transport and calm a screaming child. I look back to things I missed out on as I had to rely on DH to drive me. I would have caught up with my sister a lot more before she died, as I could have just left him at home.

Driving again enabled us to move out of the city, down here driving is such a necessity.

I will admit that I am still crap at parking and do try to avoid driving in Melbourne when we are up there and still stick to known areas when I do.

[suse]

I'm not a non-driver (I'm usually the designated taxi-driver), but DP is only just about to sit his licence test now, I've been driving him to and from work since just before DS was born. We have two cars but only one licenced driver, it's a bit silly really.

He was the same as you, never needed to have a licence, always lived in inner suburban Sydney where a car was more of a liability than an asset. He had also been in a couple of bad car accidents when younger and just never felt confident driving. He always said that he wouldn't want to drive around Sydney, but Cairns is a little less intense. Now that he's had a bit of practice he is actually a very competent and safe driver; I think that there's an advantage to learning later in life because I think that one approaches it with more caution than as a teenager. He was initially nervous, like you (and I think he put it off for as long as possible), but it didn't take long for him to become comfortable driving.

Most of my friends up here think it's crazy that he's never had a licence (they usually assume that he's lost it for whatever reason), but funnily enough, most of my friends in Sydney didn't have a licence either. But I grew up in outer suburban Melbourne where the public transport was appalling so not having a licence was not a real option.

[aussienic]

I have had my learners for 10 years :blush:

At first I never needed my license so never saw the need to bother with it..

I did the prac test a few years back now and failed and that just knocked my confidence to go again

However while I don't have my opens I drive all the time and really enjoy it. NOw it is a matter of being able to afford to take the darn prac test..

[Claire_A]

Well neither me nor my hubby have even had our L's and I'm 30 and he is 40! We are determined to finally sit the test this year although we have been saying that for a while now! We live in Melbourne and have always been close to public transport so never really needed to drive. Now that we have a little bub we really need to get out bums into gear. This hit home when we needed to take DD to the hospital and when I rang for a taxi with a baby capsule I was told that we needed to book in 24 hours in advance. It's also hard trying to go visit family who live in the country - we take the train and then they have to come pick us up with a hired baby capsule. We just feel like we are a burden now and want to be able to do things without planning it around pt.

[STARRYSKY]

growing up we always had a car, wether it was running or not was a different story
mum never drove, I think she was 32 when she finally did get her p's. shes a great driver now.
as soon as I turned 16 I was at the motor reg sitting the theory test, passed first time.
I couldnt wait to get my license, FREEDOM!! I had left school at 15 and thought I knew it all, my friends all had cars, I had a full time job and the funds to buy one, I just wasnt very clever with my money! also met first bf, he was bad news and very controlling, I basically wasnt allowed to leave the house unless with him, so I nevr did get around to getting lessons, dad tried to teach me a few times, not a good idea, mum was even worse!!
when I met current dp I was 18, had been using public transport and had always worked within walking or short bus trip distance, I paid for him to get his p's, then thought I really should get mine! (I had been renewing my l's every 9 mths)
I booked a double lesson and had more than half of the log book ticked off, but my confidence was not great.
mum and dad even bought me a car to try to encourage me for my 19th bday, it was manual though and scared me! It was hard enough for me to remeber all the road rules without having to remeber what to do with the clutch!!
dp ended up driving it and me everywhere, he was my personal chauffer, still is....not proud of it though, I cop it all the time from so many people about not having my license.
dp has since bought me another 2 cars, I have continuously renewed my l's, until I got pg and lapsed, then I had to sit the test again! 3 go's later and many, many tears, finally I got it right!! I have a photographic history of my face in learners permits, dating back to 1996, not a good look really.
I have survived rather well without a license, but now I have ds, it is definately something I need to do, and soon.

[Indadhanu]

Had my learners since 2004. Huge driving phobia since my dad just put me in a car in the back paddock at 16, I'd never driven before, was by myself with my 3yo bro in the back for no real reason except it was a good place to keep him still apparently, and I had an accident, I was going through a gate and hit the fence post. The car was our ONLY car, and mum and dad scared blue murder at me for 1. wrecking the car (well, I broke the lights on one side and the bonnet buckled a little, and 2. that my bro was in the back.

Plus a few other experiences. I get my confidence back a little, and drive for a while, and then something happens, like at the end of '07 we were driving to Rocky and in was dusk, and a bunch of trucks with their bright headlights blinded me and I just flipped out, swerved off the road, almost flipped the car. I haven't really driven since, well i started to 2 months after Jazz was born, but that faded out.

I'd love to have my license, but even thinking about driving is making my heart race.

TBH, I actually feel really ashamed. My SIL and neice tease me that my neice, who is 16 got her learners in January, will get her license before me. And then my MIL does the whole "how are you going to feel if you need to go to the hospital and you can't and something happens to Jazz". It's horrible, and I feel so embarrassed and ashamed whenever the topic of driving comes up, because I WANT my license, and to be able to drive around without having to take public transport, and know in an emergency that I can get Jazz to the dr or hospital, but its just not that easy

[luna moth]

I've had my licence since I was 17. At home we always had cars, and I always drove everywhere. When I backpacked Europe, I managed 5 months without a car, and my eyes started to open. Not long after, I moved to inner city Melbourne, and was soon desperate to get rid of my car - hated the traffic, and the stress, and the loss of time that driving represented.
Never managed to get rid of it while living in Melbs, but consolidated hubby and I down to one very early on - before we even moved in together. He just used mine when he needed one.
Now we're in Brissy, where we really got into it. New city, new routine. We bough 3 tanks of fuel in our first 5 months here, and one of them was at Goondiwindi, on our way in! The car was only getting used on weekends for an occasional trip to see ym sis in Byron, or go to a restaurant out in the burbs, or to do the supermarket shopping, and it struck us as ridiculous to spend so much per year on something we used so little. Then I crashed the car, and our answer was there for us.

Now... I ride to work (catch the train on off days, like if I'm sick or injured) DH has a bike trailer which he loads up with groceries for shops. On the weekend he also loaded our barbecue onto it and took it down to a park with some friends. We hire a car if we want to go somewhere, like down to Brunswick Heads this weekend, or sometimes when family come to visit. If we buy furniture, we get it delivered.

We might change.... right now I wonder about late night meetings when I'm too fat to ride any more, although everything else is under control for now. Or when we do have littlies. But I'm pretty sure the car dealers will still be around.

[Astrid]

And then my MIL does the whole "how are you going to feel if you need to go to the hospital and you can't and something happens to Jazz".

That is what an ambulance is for. If it is real emergency, even if you drive and have a car, it is recommended to use an ambulance. If you do drive, then it is best to have someone else in the car to make sure the baby/child is ok. I only drive if it is one of those times that I would rather then checked out now, rather than waiting for the next day.

[Phteven]

^ What Astrid said. In an emergency it is better to let a professional drive. They can get there faster and when your child is in danger you're likely to be panicy and your driving ability will be reduced (even if you're a confident driver). If it's not an emergency you can catch a cab or wait for a lift.

Leash, you shouldn't feem ashamed. It sounds like you had a scary experience so it's not surprising that your confidence has taken a bash. You'll get there in the end, there is no point in rushing things and then having a panic attack behind the wheel. Your MIL should keep her stupid opinions to herself

[aussienic]

TBH, I actually feel really ashamed. My SIL and neice tease me that my neice, who is 16 got her learners in January, will get her license before me. And then my MIL does the whole "how are you going to feel if you need to go to the hospital and you can't and something happens to Jazz". It's horrible, and I feel so embarrassed and ashamed whenever the topic of driving comes up, because I WANT my license, and to be able to drive around without having to take public transport, and know in an emergency that I can get Jazz to the dr or hospital, but its just not that easy

I get so sick of my inlaws teasing me too.,. To be honest if my kids needed the hospital in that much of a hurry I would ring and ambulance. or ring DH to come home.. Even if I had my license I would do that..

People are so insensitive and they don't realise comments like this make our confidence in driving even lower..

My DH is great. He says I know you can drive it is only you who can go do the test.. then in a half smart way he will say the longer you don't have the license then the longer I can do all the driving lol..

[misty]

I don't have my car liscence and nor do I intend to get it anytime soon. Truth is, I just couldn't be bothered. And I am sooo sick of everyone telling me I should, how much easier things would be if I did, or how now I am having my 1st, 2nd and now 3rd kid I will HAVE to get a liscence because I will need it.

The thing is, I know how to drive - I just have no desire to do so. Yes it might make some things more convinient like when DH is out of town - but the truth is it isn't a big deal to me. I don't WANT to become reliant on driving everywhere. Also we are a one car household, so unless we bought another car I wouldn't have much chance to drive anyway. And if we did buy another car, that is just another unnessecary expense and I am scared of the fact that like most other people who drive, I WOULD become reliant on the car.

[Phteven]

But I have now come to the conclusion that really, my life would be more interesting if I could drive. I have lived in the same house for 13 years and get bored going to the same old places or not being able to easily get to the places I want to get to because it will take too long on the train.

Definatly. We were all a bit grumpy this morning so I popped the boys and the dog in the car and drove to the beach. It took us half an hour and then we played in the sand while the dog terrorised the gulls and went for a walk and now everyone is cheerful again (except the dog who has discovered a bird lurking in our pine tree).

I could get by without a licence but the little things like that make it worth having.

Like you say, you just have to bite the bullet - the more you do it the easier it will be. Get an auto because then you can concentrate less on the gears and more on the road.

[fionas]

It's so good to hear everyone else's stories. It's not easy when colleagues/friends/family can sometimes make you feel like a freak for not driving.

I think the key for me has been to hit on a really motivating reason to drive. Friends saying "it will make your life so much easier," doesn't really cut it for me because I don't see my life as being THAT hard without a car. Certainly no harder than my parents who survived without a car and had a one-per-hour bus service.

What's pushed me over the edge is that I am getting very excited about doing some things to our house and I am very excited by the idea that I could jump in a car and go to a built-in-wardrobe place, a fabric shop and a carpet shop ALL ON THE SAME DAY if I wanted to rather than trying to work out the closest train station or waiting till DP has a day off.

Since I've found something to be excited about, rather than it being a 'should do', I'm a lot less scared.

I'll let you know how I go.

I think DP is now getting nervous about my excitedness especially as we'll have to swap his manual for an auto.

[Glamourcide]

Just wanted to pop in and say how interesting I'm finding your stories and reasons for not driving!!! I demanded that my mother take me to get my L's the day I became eligible for them, and passed the written test first go (hadn't even cracked the book - this is what happens when you're raised by an ex-rally driver!)... Dad insisted I get my manual licence because 'it will make your life easier being able to drive anything', he and mum owned an auto at the time so he thought it would be best for me to take the exams for a manual licence, learn to handle a car and traffic in an auto, then he went out and bought me a heap of cr@p manual so I could learn clutch/gears without taking on everything at once.
Dad gave me most of my driving lessons, again, he's a very experienced driver and very skilled in defensive driving, so I feel like I had an advantage over my peers whose parents are mediocre drivers or were taught solely how to obey road rules by a driving instructor... I did come a cropper on our first lesson, which of course ended in tears and me screaming at him that I'd 'never drive again!', but I was over it in two hours and ready to get back behind the wheel
I passed my practical exam to get my P's on the first go, too, despite the nerves... it's all mind over matter, it truly is!! So many of my friends psyched themselves out, being paranoid about making tiny mistakes, and they were so worried about missing little things that they made BIG mistakes! I'm the only person I know who has passed their prac exam the first time, I don't know why, I suppose again it just comes down to knowing yourself and believing that you can do it.

Where I live, having a car is pretty much a necessity unless you manage to find a house that's within walking distance of a couple of major amenities - the only public transport available is taxis, or buses during school hours (but even then you can't get on the bus until all the schoolkids have been dropped off so you're restricted to travelling around between 9:30 am and 2:30pm, and the buses stop running on school holidays so there's a good 12 weeks of the year they're not there to take you places), and the town's planners obviously were on acid when deciding where to put shops etc, because everything is sooo spread out and to get your errands done requires driving back and forth all over the place for hours on end... unless you're an accomplished marathon runner there's no way you could get anything done around here without a car or someone to take you somewhere.
So while I think I could probably get away with not having a licence if I lived in a big city, around here it's a real disadvantage to not have a car. I love the freedom that driving gives me, I hate to be reliant upon another person (whether it be DH, my parents, the shoddy public transport system or anything/one else) and I like being able to just chuck DD in the back and go (and, DD's absolute favourite thing in the world is going for drives in the car - it doesn't matter where we end up, as long as she gets to go somewhere in the 'broom-broom'). Before DH and I got together, it wasn't unusual at all for my friends and I to be sitting around on a Friday afternoon after work saying, 'What's on for this weekend?' and then ten minutes later we'd be in the car heading out of town to go stay with friends for a night - it was good to be able to do road trips like that.

I'm a very confident driver, thankfully, and again I think this is my father's influence - my mother has been driving for years but is, let's be honest, a really cr@p driver and a bundle of nerves to boot. She thinks she's an awesome driver because she's never had an accident (okay, never *caused* one) and has only a couple of speeding tix to her name, but being able to putt along at 50 and not run red lights does not a good driver make, imo. Good driving is not about sticking to road rules that accommodate for the lowest common denominator, it's about good reflexes, control of a one-tonne+ lethal weapon, and always expecting somebody else to mess up and put you at risk - too many drivers are complacent, thinking that because *they* are driving in a safe manner, those around them are, too.
That being said, I have had a few minor incidents that could well have been confidence-crushers - thankfully my mistakes have been made on dirt roads while driving alone, testing my own limits and although I've given myself a couple of frights, I now have a better understanding of my personal limits and those of the vehicle I'm driving. Rather than looking at near-misses as a reason to be afraid of driving, I look at it as somewhat empowering.

I find it so interesting to hear from people who don't have licences, for whatever reason (lack of confidence, not necessary, prefer to be free from dependence on a car, etc). It's such an alien concept to me!! I was raised around cars and driving and my parents took me to my first car rally when I was 6 weeks old, so not having a car or a licence is such a weird idea to me... I don't know what I'd do without one!

Fiona, good luck with getting your licence organised It's really not that scary, maybe enrol in a defensive driving course as well to give you some extra skills and boost your confidence?

[Indadhanu]

GothMum, you're very lucky to have had the experiences and the parents that you had, and that your confidence has never taken a beating. Some of us obviously aren't half as lucky as you in both areas.