Dear all,

Time has lapsed since Sushee's post but since I am new I have been reading through some very old post/threads.

Hubbie and I come from a very large family. My hubbie is the youngest of 10 children and I one of 4. So you can imagine when the two family gather, we have over 40 people. We have both good and bad experiences with our families.

When we finally were put on IVF I did the stupid thing and told my brother in law at a family gathering that we have now decided to go through IVF. Next thing I knew he announced to everyone that hubbie and I were expecting a baby. My nephew and nieces came to congratulate me. I felt so horrible and had to explain to them that was not the case.

Our first attempt was unsuccessful. It was after Christmas that I found out. I was completely heart broken and told my hubbie to call his mother and tell her the news and that we wouldn't be coming to the family camp. I also requested that no-one speak to me about it because it would only hurt me more. I think this did the trick because no-one said a word when the family next meet. I think, it scared them too because it is very unusual for me to make such requests (I have always been the obliging, quiet member of the family and always go out of my way to make everyone happy). I had a lot of hugs and "we love you" which was very comforting. The wonders of quiet empathy!

By our 3rd attempt, we had run out of money (my hubbie had quit his job to do further study before we knew that we had problems). When his family found out we were short of money, they all chipped in which enabled us to go through another cycle. I know...I am so very fortunate..

There is one thing about family dynamic that I would like to share with you all today. I have always been the supportive one to my mother and sisters. I found that this role did not switch when I was going through hell with my failed cycles. This has caused me to stop calling my mother. Honestly I don't think I have the strength to carry two lots of worries, mine and my mother. I find it doubly painful when I told my mother my "bad news" and having my mother continued talking about her arguments with her friends...etc.