Is there anyone out there that is doing the whole DI thing, and either you or your husband is coping with an anxiety disorder?
My DH has been recently diagnosed with GAD (general anxiety disorder). When my IVF counsellor heard about this she leapt on it, hence treating our sessions more like marriage counselling than infertility treatment.
I thought I had got over her bad counselling but she has put in seeds of doubt about whether my DH is going to be able to cope with having a baby through DH. This has been compounded by our GP who is a very moralistic man and doesn't like the fact we are using DI, and my FS who was concerned that my husband has GAD.
This lead to a very bad fight last night after DH said off the cuff "well with our luck we probably won't have a baby anyway".
After many angry words, lots of crying and a very wise girlfriend pointing out that he was probably protecting himself just in case we go through all this and it doesn't work, things are getting back to normal. DH pointed out - who am I going to believe, people who have no experience in GAD, or his own counsellor that says he will be fine, and DH himself - who kept coming up to me after the fight was over telling me how much he wanted to have this child.
Can anyone tell me in this position how they trust that it will be ok, and how they cope? I am trying hard to believe but I am frightened as DH has told me he is ok in the past just to have a meltdown a few days later. I thought about seeing his counsellor just to hear from an objective person how to cope. The stupid IVF counsellor has really rattled me.
Anney I have a million questions lol...so hope you dont mind..i really wouldnt know where to start. My DH and I have been discussing this at length on and off for the past few months. As an egg donor what exactly would be expected of me? What would I expect to have to go through to have egg retrieval etc? I guess there are no guarantees but what happens if the family unit breaks down and I have been an egg donor....legally where would I stand? I guess there is so much to think of.
Sorry to bombard you. Im interested just I really would like to know all the facts...so whatever information you can give me would be fantastic
Jeez SuziQ, poor Jo just asked a few simple questions and she gets a weeks worth of reading homework
Jo, if Sushee pops in, she will be able to give you some specific details aout IVF protocols in WA. the main thing I am thinking is some clinics give you a GA for egg pick up but some give you sedation. Sush would be able to answer that although you are probably not thinking of that level of detail just yet.
I also went down this road when I started.
Here's the thing...the law in NSW states that any donor must be willing to have their identity revealed when the child turns 18. SuzyQ was right, contact Fertility First. This is one of the very few clinics in NSW that imports sperm from the States. IVF Aust does not. But..the sperm donor still has to be 'known'. There are many sperm banks in the States. Several of them carry both known and unknown donors. Anne usually as some one reserve..but should you choose to pick your own and bring it in, she will use this as long as it is known.
If you are willing to go on a waitlist, IVF Australia does keep one, and it takes areound 6mths to a year to get to the top.
I know it's so frustrating to go thru..so best of luck..Lulu
Hi A (that name is too hard for me to type)
I was sad to read of your twins, how devastating for you. Particularly considering the miracle way in which they were conceived.
Having been in TTC circles for quite a while now, I know that the worry you're feeling about upsetting your friends is completely normal. But, from being in the known DC world more recently, I also know that both EDs and IPs are often unsure whether to raise the subject with the other party.
EDs may worry about prying or appearing that they're still available but the IP may have someone else or that they may cause more upset. IPs worry that if they raise the topic they'll appear desperate or pushy or may be placing the ED 'on the spot'. It can get very 'round and round the mulberry bush' IYKWIM!
I think the fact that you've offered in the past means you must have a fairly close relationship - I'm sure asking them when they're visiting won't upset them. Not asking would probably hurt more. I find it's always best to start with "I'm really not sure how to ask/say this..." I'm pretty sure they'll be relieved that it's out in the open. Could you invite them to stay for dinner and overnight? Gives you more time to test the waters.
For me, I know if I was in the position of your friends I'd feel honoured to know you shared what's happened to you.
If you're still considering possibly being an ED for them, it is important for you to be completely sure that you will be able to handle the journey emotionally and physically. Apart from the very real chance that the drugs will make you either or you need to do some very careful thinking about the outcome. How will you feel if, fingers crossed, there is a successful outcome? While you will no doubt be over the moon for your friends, if you're still raw from the loss of your twins it may compound things. Counselling is compulsory for any DC journey but it would be best if you could have things clear in your head and heart before you launch yourself on to the ED road. No point getting everyone's hopes up if you have to withdraw the offer. Your emotional wellbeing is at stake here.
Gawd, that sounds like a lecture - it really isn't
I guess what I'm trying to say is, be honest with your friends. Ask them about their 'stuff' first. Tell them your 'stuff' - maybe leave out the part about how easy the conception was Then tell them you're working through your own grief but are still open to the idea of ED but need to be sure - for everyone concerned. Also tell them you're always there for support no matter what happens, I'm sure you've already done that anyway. They'll appreciate your honesty and be touched knowing that you'd donate if you could. Certainly, they'll be relieved the subject is 'out there'.
Good luck!
Thanks for thinking of me..
I am actually going for a bloodtest and scan tomorrow to see when my FET will be. I know this week. Will keep you posted.
Don't you hate it that you have to wait a month everytime before you can do anything. I just can't get that tick tick out of my head..
Hope u are all well..
Had a very productive day today. Heard from our known donor - will be meeting up with him in the next couple of weeks to discuss the nitty gritty subjects. Ken Daniel's book "Building a Family with the Assistance of DI" has arrived, so I'm going to start reading tonight. Finally I am meeting up with my FS on Monday.
This is not infertility related, but I also saw my GP today as I have tonsilitis again! After years and years of suffering with bout after bout of tonsilitis he has recommended I see a surgeon and get them OUT! (Yeah!!)
It's amazing how much difference a day makes. Yesterday I was feeling very lonely and miserable. Of course, could have been the AF and tonsilitis).
Speaking of nitty gritty, I said to our donor I wanted to discuss the following:
1) Counselling
2) Legal issues: making sure you know where you stand (ie no legal rights as father, however some sort of relationship with our child so that he/she knows who you are).
3) Disciplinary issues
4) Access issues to him
5) What happens if we move interstate or if you move
6) What happens when you have a partner in the future
7) What happens if we want a second child
8) How will we feel if the child is disabled
9) Issues with us as parents
10) What happens if we pass away and you are still living?
11) What happens if it doesn't work?
12) How this will affect our friendship
13) Family medical history
14) Long term access to his family
15) Education of the child
Can anyone else think of anything else we need to talk about?? Suggestions welcome...
I've removed your info posts temporarily. Thanks for showing such enthusiasm, and I do agree about getting the information out there, but I am hoping to work with Cindy on getting some information on donor issues together, and if all goes well, I will post some of it in seperate thread in the coming weeks.
Jo, I can probably help you with information you need about egg retrieval. Each clinic does it a little bit differently, and there's a danger of getting a little overloaded with info that you don't need, but I could probably do a quick run down of a basic procedure if you're interested?
Registered User
That is absolutely wonderful news! Enjoy each day!
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