im here. dont know how to write any of this without crying. Have just spent two nights in hospital heavily sedated for pain and panic attacks. At Day 3 we had 9 embryos at 6-8 cell, with 4 just lagging behind. This is after having 33 eggs at EPU. At Day 5 we had none. No blastocysts. No embryos. They checked again on day 6 to make sure that none had caught up but there was no growth.
I just went through the most agonising experience - again - for nothing.
Bec, i am sorry sorry for your recent news, I dont know what to say. I guess they have let you out of hospital now, but you will still need to rest and recover.
Can i ask what dose of stims they are putting you on? colleting so many is not working for you (or anyone really as there are many risks) have you had a follow up with your FS to discuss your concerns?
Thinking of you tonight, i know that doesnt help heal, but please take it easy.
Loula - I was on 225iu gonal-f and was using orgalutran to prevent ovulation. My body responds very differently each time, last time i had severe ohss with 20 eggs, this time no ohss with 33 eggs but bad pain in diaphram from the egg collection. my ovaries were huge - three times normal size, and the clinic are confused about how i respond to treatment. I think we are done. I really believe so, we dont have any cash/credit left, and i couldnt handle another disappointment like this.
Am out of hospital and back to work, i have exhausted all my sick leave so have to be here.
My depression has come back with a vengeance and Im not feeling well, so I am trying my best to just keep going with everything. I cant think about IVF or babies or anything right now, it hurts too much.
Have an appt with embryologist and specialist for three weeks to find out what happened. Until then, who knows...
oh bec i am so so sorry, it must be so hard to be back at work aswell, it sounds like you still need sometime at home to deal with what happend with your cycle. its so devastating to put so much into a cycle and to go all the way to EPU and to have nothing to show for it, life is so unfair sometimes
is there anyone you could talk to about things? does your clinic offer a councilor (sp?) maybe sitting down and talking to someone might help? if it feels like your depression has come back it might be a good idea to talk and you know that you are more then welcome to come on here and talk to us girls. if talking doesnt help with your depression then maybe going to see your GP , he might be able to offer you some anti-depresents (sp?). you have been through so much in the last few weeks and it sounds like its all starting to catch up with you, i wish i was there right now to give you a big hug and a shoulder to cry on, if you need anything feel free to PM me at anytime
Bec, offering you a big hug and I am sorry you had to undergo so much pain and suffering for no outcome. I hope you can get some answers and find a way forward soon. But until then be gentle with yourself. It is ok to grieve, you have experienced loss, loss that we in here understand and recognise. I wish I had some other words to offer you
Hugs to all of you, especially those doing it tough ATM
xx
Bec again so sorry. x I hope being back at work is right for you. I have returned this week and although many thoughts are going through my mind and that i really dont want to be dealing with this there, i really have to be, i cant afford more time off and for why, so i can be at home letting this run through my mind over and over again? Take the time that you need. Does your work know about treatment you are going through? its one of thoese things some people discuss and others do not, i always have, but totally understand why others may not.
Julie i hope you are starting to feel a little brighter?
sorry for all the negativity lately but i cant get my head out of this dark cloud
Well i got some more results back here from some more swabs and urine test and i dont knwo if it os because of the prednisolone but they are not good. I have alwyas tested neg for these things and why not now??? it is the only connection i can make. Still waiting to try to get a D&C and pains are now starting to kick in, spotting on and off but nothing consistent. at least i can see a light with regards to finally getting these results, funny how i have been telling FS of my symptoms for years and only now someone has said, hang on lets see if this....... and thank goodness thay have. i guess the only thing is i may never be cured.
I dont know if this is the answer for us to get to the end, but i am taking it as a start, if anything it is reconfirming that i believe in myself and i know myself better than anyone, still frustrating that it has taken 7 years to get to this point and feel very let down that it was not discivered before and brushed off.
ladies, just re trying the old fashioned way, miracles do happen...DH and I had a miracle conception after being told chances were very very slim...I miscarried, but we now know I had the antiphospholipid syndrome etc etc which was causing me problems. So you just never know!
Edie- to be frank, our sex life has taken a downward spiral since IVF, miscarriages etc...and is definately not as relaxed as it used to be, especially when the focus is on TTC still. I think it does happen.
Bec I feel your pain. I haven't experienced the exact same thing but I do know what it's like to go through all the steps to only end in heartache. My first IVF cycle went better than we expected. They retrieved 24 eggs, 16 were fertilized, we froze 7 day three's and 2 blasties. We transfered one high quality blastie which split resulting in a identical twin conception. At 24 weeks I went into preterm labor, my boys fought to stay with us after coming into the world but just couldn't do it. It was hard leaving the hospital empty handed. We are currently in our first FET cycle. I'm more nervous on receiving a BFP than a BFN. For obvious reasons. Oh and it turns out my cervix is incompetent and I have a blood clotting disorder. So now I have been marked as high risk. Next pregnancy they will be stitching my cervix between week 14&16 to ensure I pass the second trimester.
We all need to stay strong and hopeful that one day soon we all will have that BFP and be able to take them home.
toby congratulations honey, hope all went perfectly with the bt xxxx
Infinity, thank you for your kind words lovey, I hope you're travelling well, I know exactly what you mean about distancing yourself from it all.
BecD that you get your miracle xxxx
Loula am sending you love, strength and hope, take care of yourself & let us know how you're travelling.
love & hugs to everyone else
AFM, haven't had the best of weeks but have felt less overwhelmed by the sorrow. My darling angel left us 4 years ago tommorow and since then we've been on such an incredible journey. Thank you all for your love & support, it means so much to me xxx
anyos sending you lots of cyber hugs. Must be a very hard week for you indeed.
Well had my FET yesterday afternoon so now have two embies on board. BT 6th November. Just have to try and stay sane and not think too much about it till next Friday.
Paula - only 1 week to wait - All the best. looking forward to hearing some good news. do you think u will POAS?
Infinty, Loula & Anoys- thinking of you all!
BecD - how are things going with you?
AFM- still cant believe it but its official - BFP! Im still over whelmed. Not really excited as yet as im scared something will happen. im over come with anxiety and tiredness. having lilttle pains every second day and feel sick for a short period of time, other than that im ok.
I will be in here to see how everyone is going.
Wishing all the ladies best wishes Take care all. chat soon
Registered User
Long Term Assisted Conception - 2009 #4
My thoughts and prayers are with you. xx
that you get your miracle xxxx
thinking of you today too hunni, I can't imagine how hard this day must be for you. Take care
hoping your BT results are nice and high
.
to infinity, WLAB, Grayson, Loula, toby, Paula, Possums, airline, hope your all well
to you all.
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