Long Term Assisted Conception Feb 2008

[butterfly_warrior]

Shannon, it's not a case of doing well with this TWW at all. It's more been a case of not wanting to do my freak outs in public, which means not in my journal. BG's been picking up the pieces on msn so often lately.

But I don't think there are any more freak outs left - I've still got a few days to go before my blood test and I already know what the result is going to be. It has started... You'd hardly even call it spotting, but it's that undeniable sign that for me, AF is coming, and there's not a damn thing that anyone can do. Once again I find myself praying that it's a straight out BFN rather than another chemical pregnancy - I really couldn't cope with that while I'm at work. I just don't have it in me any more. You can do it once and ignorance will get you through, but when you later realise what went on, you know that you'll never again have that blessed ignorance to hide behind.

I'm really doubting myself and my strength right now. I don't want to be the woman who ends up doing IVF for years and years and just ends up broke, bitter and twisted and with no baby. I'm becoming more and more convinced that Caterpillar was our one and only chance, and it's NEVER, EVER going to happen. I don't know if I'm strong enough to face another cycle, but in some ways, I think it takes more strength to walk away, and I certainly don't have enough to do that.

Life just seems so unfair right now.

BW

[briggsy's girl]

BW - life really IS unfair at the moment - it doesn't just seem that way! how can it be fair to put someone that has been to hell and back through so much, and then have them doubting themselves?

i think we can ALL understand the pain and self doubt you're feeling at the moment - and i wish there was something bright and profound that i could say here to make it better for you - but words just aren't enough. Cyber hugs just aren't enough. This whole damn journey is one painful moment after another - if it's not the physical pain of meds/jabs/epu/transfer, then it's the emotional pain of failed cycles, loss, self doubt - blamng ourselves for what is happening - when it's NOT a blame game.

i really don't know what else to say to you at the moment hun - your pain is too raw, and any words are just going to seem hollow - but know that i am ALWAYS thinking of you, and am ALWAYS here for you - no matter what


and for what it's worth - you haven't been as bad on MSN this tww... honest!

[diva det]

oh BW is am sooo sorry hun- that is so not fair!!!!
I hope you are ok as you can be- my helping hand used to be a block of Cadbury's Rocky Road chocolate- definatly what is ordered from DR Odette!!!

as for me .. .
we to acturpuncturist on Friday and it went really well- he believes that the reason i haven't been able to conceive for the past 8 years is the lack of blood flow through my reporductive organs. I am o'ing every month but the lack of blood means that my endometrium is not thick enough until after i have o'ed so both are happening- but just not at the same time. It actually makes sense to me!!!
He believes that i am probably fertalizing my eggy most months as well, but it just can't inplant. And the blood that is supppose to be down there is heading upwards and getting stuck around the base of my skull and causing my migranes!
so he stuck so needles in ,and felt my left ovary (the side i am oing on this month) straight away- it feels heavy and warm from the inside. Can still feel it today.
His plan is to make this month clean out month and then start a fresh next month and work on my blood flow and luteral phase support! He also reckons that my lack of blood flow could have been the reason i lossed bobo as when the placenta was gonna kick in good and proper at 12 weeks, there just wasn't enough blood to sustain bobo.
alll in all it all sounds promising and the fact that i get really good quality eggs, had heaps of breast milk with my twins and no endo or PCOS - its all fixable! Finally someone with a plan to fix rather than just to do IVF!!!
so back next friday for round 2. DH doesn't want to do IVF again as he said he just can't (you guys know what he means) he has reached his point - so putting my faith in this hopefully working
i have always felt that i can do this naturally- now its just gotta happen!!!!
i am pumped- can you tell????
mwha to you all
odette

[melbel]

Thats great odette he sounds like he knows his stuff...seeing as you are melbourne do you mind sharing his details?

[diva det]

no problemo
his name is Winton Terry
he only does OB/GYNO acupuncture and chinese herbal medicine
deals with everything from PCOS, infertility, IVF assistance, Amendorrhoea to VBAC, milk supply, labour induction. A one man stop shop!!! He also works with an OB/Gyno Peter Jarcevic so he has him for medical credibility as well.

Best to ring him on his mobile as he is easiest to contact : 0409 331 929.
He has rooms in Balwyn and also in Carlton- opposite RWH

I first went to him when i was pg with bobo and spewing all day. In one session I had stopped and after 3 session - totally not chucking at all! The results were amazing. He said it would take 3 sessions, and it did
If he can help- he says so- if he can't he will also say so!
HTH and def worth a try
odette

[Megan]

Odette, that sounds promising!
You have got me thinking now....maybe I have similar problems. After my next FET I think I will look into this more. I have a feeling we are nearing the end of our IVF journey.
I will be watching your posts with interest. Good to hear that you are sounding so excited and positive.

[briggsy's girl]

i wish i could find an AP out here who was on the mark with AP for fertility treatment! my chiro is an AP but he doesn't specialise and isn't convinced there is a true benefit....

totally OT - was suffering a bit of insomnia last night (and again tonight) - so penned a little something that i thought you might appreciate

Darkness engulfs me
Invading my thoughts
Altering my perceptions
The room around me
Disappears
Nothing exists
Just me
My husbands hands holding me
Giving me strength
Nothing makes sense
But that tiny blip of hope
A dot on the screen
Waiting to grow
To infuse me with light
Drive away the darkness
New Life

[diva det]

How fare are you from the city BG???

[briggsy's girl]

about two hours, maybe more on a bad day...

is it just me that's finding it amusing that we're all awake at midnight on a saturday night posting in the LTAC thread...