oh ladies, I totally understand and am exactly the same (hence this post!). Sorry it's so hard.

I am not close with my sister in law, and met her little daughter, now 8 months, for the first time last week...i was worried about how I would be...but surprised both myself and DH because I handled it well, and didn't feel too badly afterwards.
Like you have all said, our responses really can vary quite a lot. Only weeks ago I had to leave the table at a work lunch and go into the ladies room to regroup when a lady who had been on maternity leave walked in with her baby for everyone to cuddle.

hang in there everyone...our turn will come!