Do you feel angry?

[Possums]

Do you feel angry you are having to go through this process to have a baby? That you have had to suffer losses? That other people, including those who don't even want kids, have babies easily while we still wait for one precious child?

I am really working on accepting things now to let go the bitterness/anger/resentment I do feel- it certainly doesn't bring out the best in me, and it doesn't enhance my life at all... it's hard to just calmly accept though I find....I think I have more acceptance now than I did at first, I guess we just learn to, because to fight and rant and be mad about it all just takes too much energy...and negativity is too draining after a while.

I am trying to find the positives in the experience, and be glad I have the chance for a baby at all...that DH and I are closer as a result, that when it does happen we will appreciate it so much more etc. That life could be worse, and in many ways we are lucky with a nice home, two wonderful dogs, financially secure etc, loving family and friends...

That said, when I see certain things I still feel pretty mad and sorry for myself.
I come out with some pretty angry comments sometimes...

[M22]

yea i felt angry- totally amazed that my body just would not do anything by itself, i was furious, and really really really dissapointed in my body.

but............... it makes it soooooooooooooo much sweeter when you have your baby in your arms like you will next year,

a woman/couple who have not yearned/ strived and ached for a baby for sooooooooo long honestly cannot have the immense heart feelings like when you have ached for a child for so long, it even makes mornig sickness enjoyable!

[Alloy]

Possums, I definately know where you are coming from. I can't stand going to the shops and seeing parents that just don't seem to care, and it really gets to me sometimes.

I hate that I have to go through this process and am really sick of the 'gross' stuff at the moment (pessaries, crinone, needles, numerous people peering at my private parts). And why do I have to cut out caffeine, and the occasional wine with dinner, when drug addicts or drunk people get pregnant all the time?

My DH is a policeman, and he has some stories of some terrible parents. They really make my blood boil sometimes.

I hope you have an outlet that you can direct your angry comments to. Thankfully, my DH is great, and I can rant and rave at him and he doesn't get offended by anything I say. That definately helps me.

I really hope it doesn't take too much longer for any of us, because it's so hard sometimes.

xx

[Baby Dreamtime]

Dear Possums,

I feel exactly the way you do. For me TTC and thinking about it has become an obsession I can't escape, and the fact that other women have so easily what we strive for, long for, sacrifice for, spend hard earned money on, compromise our bodies for, is just not fair.

I am so angry that this, the most special thing a couple can do together, that should be filled with excitement and anticipation and love, has been taken away from me. The joy has been stolen from me, for what should be the most amazing experience in my life, of conceiving and creating a child.

I try to tell myself endlessly that this experience has changed my life, made me a better, stronger person who is more in touch with my body, my spirituality, my faith, enhanced my relationship with my husband, and will make me a more appreciative, loving mother when my turn comes.

But really I just wish this didn't have to happen to me and I cry to God 'why me' and 'it's not fair'. I just sucks.

But, what does keep me going sometimes is reading back over the past posts of all the lovely ladies in the Pregnancy after LTTTC threads. They have gone through the same heart wrenching grief and despair and they have succeeded. So I tell myself, and you and everyone else in the same position. ONLY A LITTLE LONGER. WE WILL GET OUR WISH, AND THIS WILL ONE DAY BE JUST A DREAM.

That is my hope, with all my heart, and what keeps me going. Hugs, xx

[Possums]

thanks for the responses everyone


babydreamtime- the loss of joy and love and excitement which should be part of creating a child is an aspect which really upsets me too

[M22]

i know this feeling too- it becomes mechanical and almost not a part of you. it's terrible to not bea able to concieve naturally when some women just do so easily- but you knwo what i did?
i just thought - well this is my lot. it is what God has dealt me with and fthisis what i have to do to have my childen.... then i'll do it. so i gave up worrying about why etc. doesnt mean it hurts less, still hutrst when peole iay they "just fell" but my head is clearer. mind you it took #2 to do that.

big hugs.

[~BecD~]

For a very longtime, all I could feel was anger. I have a 19yo brother who has 3 children (4,2,1) with his 19yo girlfriend and the number of times DOCS have been called in... it makes me so mad that they have these beautiful children and treat them so badly, yet I still can not have a child.
I get angry that we did everything 'right'. We got married first, we bought our house and paid off our cars, and then decided to have children. We didnt 'put our careers first', I am doing this in the prime of my life - 22- and I still can not have a child.

It hurts and I get angry.

I have started going back to church and am also on anti-depressants, to be honest these are the only reasons I feel that I dont feel as angry anymore. But I think you need to be angry for a while, it is part of the grieving process, grieving for our losses and our infertility.

[scooby]

Hey Possums
Anger is definately a big part of loss. I thiught i was coping really well when i had my ectopic, i accepted that thats just how it was this time and that angel wasnt meant for this world. But about a week after i went out for dinner and came out of the cafe to be faced with a women about 8monthes pregnant having a cigerette and i completely lost it!! I too gave up my caffiene, my dignity and basically my life to have this child i so longed for and here was someone taking it soooo for granted i wanted to punch her lights out. It does get easier but i have to say m y blood still boils when i see people abuse there bodies while pregnant and/or children. I really hope things get easier for you soon Possums and good luck i was keep an eye on where youre at! Take care.

[dusty]

Possums
Anger can be so consuming can't it. I used to be overcome with it at times (and still sometimes am), and at people I loved just because they had what I couldn't seem to get. Then guilt would kick in too .

I have spent many sessions with a counsellor to help me realise that anger is a very real part of grieving and what we are doing when LTTTC is grieving. It is so hard to grieve in society and have them understand and be supportive, when they can't see what you are grieving. We are grieving so many things when LTTTC. Eg, lost opportunities, lost experiences, lost chances, lost years with a child, loss in confidence, loss of what it is to be a woman and procreate. Anger is a real emotion. My counsellor has helped me understand that it is ok to feel these emotions but that I have control on what I do with them, that is control over where my thoughts go.

We are told from early on in life that if we want something enough and work hard at it, we should be able to achieve our goals. But with LTTTC you can hit barriers that seem insurmountable and no matter what you throw at it, seems to not shift, fall down or open up.

I feel that we can learn much from it and that it helps to never take things for granted and to appreciate all that we do have in life, rather than focus on what we don't have.

I don't know if this is much help, but they are some things I have learned from this journey.


xx