Emma... Its something I was thinking about just yesterday. What makes me want to continue when I can't see it ever happening. And for me, its my DH. His absolute faith that we will get that dream.

He is my strength and hope. I always make sure he stops and hears me when I feel pain and loss of hope. He has learnt over the past couple of years to not fix and just hold me, and hold me up at times too. Every time he says to me, it will happen, we will have a baby, I feel like I can breathe because he's right there wanting it with me and I know without a doubt, he will never let things get to a point where we can't cope with whats happening. He will always put my health and our life ahead of the dream, because without that the dream can't happen.
And he does not waver in his faith. Its taken so much work but he talks to me about wanting our child and I know that whatever he says, he really means.

So no, I lose faith constantly and I don't always want to think about another cycle. I want AF to go away and never come whether I have a child or not, because she reminds me of failure allllll the time.
But still, deep in my heart the longing wins out, and while physically I have a chance, I will keep at it. Generally just because I am stubborn and the darned failure is just not going to beat me.

And I have spent the last 2.5 years hoping that the baby would get me out of my work situation, and here I still am. But I have taken that moment, and reclaimed my life for a minute. Being unhappy at work, surely that makes it harder to get through the lows we face so much. So am I resigning in December. I don't have another job, but I can temp and I can survive. Paying for AC gets harder but for me, I need to work and be happy. I need something that can break the misery of not conceiving and I have put it off for too long. I am worth more than a cr@ppy job. I'm at the point where I'll try to change anything and everything in the hope that its enough to get me that darned dream.

The world's greatest hugs. I can't imagine your sorrow, but I can empathise with the frustration hun. All the love in the world to you.