Just a vent

[MummyDuck]

I smile on the outside and say its ok because we can foster (permanent foster) but really walking into the office of my doc brings tears to my eyes everytime. Hearing of new pregnancies is heartbreaking and although I try to remember how lucky I am to have my girl when you have this idea of how your life will be for so long its gut wrenching when it doesnt quite turn out that way.

I am not worried about my Lap coming up, I was back at work on the third day after the surgery, I am worried if it does nothing to help how bad I will feel then.

Our hopes of fostering are temporarily shattered as well. A year and a half ago I was diagnosed with a Panic Disorder and although I am off my tablets and doing great it is all a bit raw for them, they wont let us foster because we are trying for babies and even if we werent we cant do it because we wont have dealt with our infertility issues.

Its so hard to watch DD around other kids, particularly babies, she is so gorgeous with them. She walked up to me not long ago and said Í want sister mummy"

The constant nagging, when are you gonna have another one doesnt help.

My cousin did IVF for 3 years, before sadly divorcing her husband (I wonder if that pressure is what did it ) and I guess never really took the time to understand how she must be feeling and now its my turn and its miserable and i really dont want to be miserable.

I say to DH that its easier to not go through all the drugs and surgeries because I dont want to be like that and I think maybe he accepted that because he hasnt shown too much an interest in what I do although he says he would like more kids he also says DD is enough. Really on the inside I dont know what to do I dont want to be constantly let down but I also so desperately want another child.

I have been lucky enough to not have any miscarriages, I think that would be the end of me because its what I am scared of most.

I wish I could say to my cousin that I understand now and had supported her better when she was going through it. I wish I could stop hiding my sadness and get the support I so need at the moment, but having people ask and having to answer is sometimes much worse that keeping it to yourself.

END VENT

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

hun... personally i haven't had to go through TTC but i have family who are and have been for some time who also had to take the IVF route and it's still not working.
I know it's not easy but speak with your cousin, say your sorry for not being there but you'd really like the support of someone who knows what it's like.
I WISH my cousin and his wife would talk to us, allow us to see just a little of how they feel, they make us feel so bad for having our girls sometimes that it's easier NOT to be around them and thats not the way we want it to be, we want to support and comfort them.

I know it's different for everyone but if you have that 1 person to vent to, that 1 person who's been there that CAN be there for you.. it might just help.

[Maruschke]

No words of advice, just .

[~Hestia~]

Hugs sweetie.

I think ZF is right in that speaking to your cousin might be good for both of you. At least for you to have some IRL support as well as on here.

[raffy]

hugeeeeeee hugs

i agree with ZF you need someone IRL to chat to. nd maybe ur DH to??
thinking of ya hunni

[Elocin]

Ahhh, Hun.

Our stories are so different, but we want the same outcome... A baby... To finish this journey...

I don't even know what to say, just know at you're not alone.

[littlemissmountain]

wish I could stop hiding my sadness and get the support I so need at the moment, but having people ask and having to answer is sometimes much worse that keeping it to yourself.

I just wanted to say that I totally relate to the above atm. I know that there are friends and family who are willing to support me and care very much, but it just feels harder to discuss it with those really close people right now than it does to try and process it and work on it myself. In a way, maybe I don't want to hear the 'it will happen, it will all be ok'... because that is not really helpful in any way at this part of the process, it doesn't really break the surface of how I am feeling.
Having said that... the anticipation of talking about is often worse than actually doing it!
Well that might just be me, but I just wanted to send you a and wish you the very best.

[MummyDuck]

Thanks for all your support. I still dont feel comfortable talking to my cousin, she is going through her divorce at the moment. I figure she has enough on her plate, my best friends parents are splitting, other other best friend is having a baby.

Ill be ok, really just needed to get it off my chest.

Again Thanks all and GL to everyone on the same journey

[Kaybee]

It really is so hard, isn't it. I have no advice, but honestly know your pain. All the best

[MummyDuck]

Urgh.......

My best friend had a bub on Friday, I promised I would visit tomorrow.

I am very happy for him but really dont know how I am going to go keeping my composure.

[onthefly]

It's hard, I know, but try and enjoy your friend's baby, even if you have to put off your first visit to get your head straight.

Especially if there's noone else, try talking with your DH more. Blokes are great at shutting down when things upset them - no doubt this is hurting him too, but he probably wants to put up a strong front to help you (it doesn't help of course). It's really important to keep the lines of communication open (and I'm speaking as someone who isn't very good at doing that).
Take care of yourself and your family

[Mum2SweetCs]

smudgies mum your post really hit home for me. I too am ttc #2 (for nearly a year now). Although everyone thinks it is easier to have #2 it doesnt seem like an easy road at all.

I know i must be grateful for DD, but as you said, it brings tears to my eyes knowing that our DD will be the best big sister ever.

I don't know what eles to say, but to let you know you are not alone

[MummyDuck]

Thanks Mum 2 One.

Its sad knowing you arent alone in one way but comforting that there are people who understand.

Saw Baby Joel and it was nice. I couldnt help but be thankful for full nights sleep..... at least that way I could smile. Tay was gorgeous with him and just wanted to give him all these toys to play with LOL.

I also got a date for my lap which is good. Valentines Day!! I am very much looking forward to it. Sadistic I know but it worked the first time.

Talked to DH about things, however he seems to think I am putting pressure on myself and he doesnt want to think about it so he doesnt do the same. As much as I try to explain that its not really pressure I dont think he really gets it. I understand he is trying to protect us but it doesnt help much.