Hi Possums,
I can relate to what you say, the past year has been very difficult for me, I feel I am just coming out of a dark hole i was in. I am currently doing IVF, just started really so maybe speaking too soon lol! But so far i have found the IVF process better than the TTC by myself part- I felt like a failure.

To keep myself grounded I try to focus on the point you mentioned about being changed in ways for the better- I definately feel more sensitive and understanding of others, more patient and openminded and I am hoping that in the long run this journey makes me a better person

The negative emotions can be debilitating I know. I am better with other people's pregnancys now but last year I moved towns and there is a large amount of people ie ex-workmates whose pregnancies/births I have never acknowledged. It is like I have just shut them out of my mind and life, cos I can't cope with people knowing I'm not pregnant almost 2 yrs after my miscarriage nad everyone else is getting UTD constantly. An old workmate of mine jokingly abused me over facebook for not returning her calls, in the past I would have laughed and abused her back but I just completely ignored her and felt really bad. I really just see my close friends now.

I'm obviously never going to be the same person, but i feel like I can face the world a bit better these days, but still choose the things I go to carefully ie I've been invited to my old workplaces xmas party, but I'm not going cos my ex-colleague is pregnant and I know she and everyone else will be sussing me out to find out why I'm not pregnant yet.

For myself I think it was just time made me feel better, I also went and got counselling ( not sure if it helped, but it was good to talk to someone who didn't know me) so maybe you could try that? You sort of get permission to talk about all the negative emotions like jealousy etc, without any judgement.

I hope you feel a bit better soon honey, just know you are not alone!