oh darling Sunbeam, my heart really aches for you. I wish I could give you a big hug It's OK to feel like this, you have been so strong and so patient and have held up through it all with so much grace and calm, you are an amazing woman. Let it go, let yourself grieve now. Feeling the pain and despair and hopelessness is all part of that grief process and you will get through it I just wish it wasn't so hard. Is your flatmate home? Can you ring a friend to come and sit with you? Poor Sunbeam, you've been through so much. Sending you lots of cyber hugs and love. We're all here for you. xxxxoooo