Toomanyshoes, I'm so sorry about your twins, and your Dad. My BIL committed suicide six years ago so I have some idea of the grief associated with that but to loose your twins on top of it, is awful beyond anything I could imagine. It makes sense to me, what you are saying about not being able to cope with another loss. Part of the grief counseling I had after my mc helped me to understand how losses can sort of accumulate and reverberate with each experience. It's a hard decision to have to make but sounds like the right one for you, right now. Of course stay and stalk us - I'm not sure how much longer I will be here either but regardless I know I will keep stalking too - would love to see as many BFPs as there are names in this thread. Take care xx
Just popped in to see how you went and was so hoping for good news. I'm so very sorry. There certainly are no words to ease your pain. I know all of us are hoping and praying that you get your miracle soon. Each and everyone who experiences infertility is all too aware of the pain, anger, frustration and heartache but when you start to creep up in the transfers and in the number of years TTC I know how hard it is to stay strong. I certainly visited some very dark places over the years and and I am hoping with all my heart that you can move forward. Getting a hair cut is a good start (except for the newborn being there). In 2006 when we decided to look at adoption and stop IVF I went and cut all my hair off and strangely enough it helped!
I know now may not be the best time but have you done immune testing? i'm not sure of your full history but it may be worth a look.
Hang in there and scream, cry, yell, drink wine or do whatever you need to get through this.
Thanks to everyone for understanding how hard this last few weeks has been for me I would not have gotten through it without all of you !
Alice dear Alice I was so sad to see AF turned up I was really hopiong this was your month
Life is just so unfair at times I do hope you have the strength to carry on a little longer as Rome was not built in a day and many women on here will tell you sometimes just one more try is all you need so think about it and keep going don't give up !!! Not until I do anyhow ! and that will not be just yet !
Luna so sorry your levels are not rising as quickly as you would like hopefully your days are a bit behind and all will reveal itself soon and you get to keep you bub and not mc or have an ectopic I will pray for you levels to keep on rising and good news next week !
Ferrlas in my thoughts as always not long now and you will know for sure !!!! good news please !!!
Saffy as always so understanding you are a blessing to people like me who don't think too much of themselves at times ! so glad your gfriends were able to give you some support it means so much to have positive thinking at times like these ! are you finished with the Pill ( or have I got that wrong )
Possum thanks for your thoughts it will be a long time before I get to see my little grandaughter but I will learn to live with it ! The uk is such a long way away and they don't like it here so I guess I have to get on with life and just see her in photos and on skype !!!
T-hopes hope all is well with you any more news yet !!!
Clairsmummy sorry for the BFN its so hard seeing that one line isn't it !!
Toomanyshoes I am so sorry you have to end your TTC journey but you know how you feel and maybe in a few years you will feel different after all you are still young !! Look at me I had 5yrs off and then went on to have another 4 kids in my late 30s and early 40s so you never know never say never I say !!!
Sunbeam enjoy the cruise and rest up girl !!
AFM well day 2 of clomid so hope it does the trick and I have pre-seed too to use on the good old ovultion day when it happens !!! I feel so excited inside and maybe just maybe this will be my lucky month
I went away again for a couple of days so I haven't been posting much.
Alice - my poor darling. My heart breaks for you. I'm glad to hear you are finding comfort from others around you. I wish had the vocabulary to say something to help but words fail me. Please know that I am thinking of you.
Saffy - So sad to hear about your cousin's wife. Knowing someone has little kids makes the news harder to bear. The weather is truly miserable and so, it seems, are we all on this thread.
Toomanyshoes - Three years is a long time to walk against the tide. I understand your decision to stop, it is so hard to live this life and put so much effort and love into it when there is little reward.
Luna - please, please, please let this not be an ectopic but a little miracle still fighting on. I hate that you are in limbo like this, no knowing what is going on. I hope you have news soon.
Sunbeam - Are you on holidays yet? I hope so and I hope you have the time of your life (cue music!)
Crafty - my DD is the only grandchild on her father's side and her Grandmother lives in Canada. They have established a good relationship via the phone and skype which was evident by how easily DD took to her Oma when she came out for a visit. She also talks about Oma all the time so you can still be an important person in Jessica's life. Good luck with the Clomid.
AFM - I saw the FS and he said they found no reason for the miscarriages so they still believe it's a combination of bad luck and bad eggs. I said we were tired of putting our life on hold and asked if it was ill advised to book a trip to Bali. He had only just got back from Bali and really encouraged me to go. It made me feel better about continuing to TTC.
The poor dog had an operation yesterday. The vet still thinks it looks bad but we are waiting for the biopsy to confirm if it is cancer or not. I am just focused on giving her lots of walks, love and affection. I even took her back to the beach last weekend and took heaps of photos.
hi everyone,big hugs to you all,i've been reading just not feeling up to posting,wanted to let you all know you & your babies are in my thoughts as i watch my memorial candle glow for pregnancy & infant loss day
Alice: still thinking of you. Sending you lots of cyber hugs. I'm so very sorry that your embie could not stay with you.
Mathewsmum: Lovely idea to light a candle. I didn't know there was a special day for it. I Hope it brings you a little comfort.
Toomanyshoes: I can't imagine what you've been through with losing so many little ones in the last few years. Good on you for looking after yourself and your family and for stopping TTC if that's what you need to do for the foreseeable future. I wish you happiness with your family.
Ferrals: Good luck for Monday. I hope all goes well. Will be thinking of you.
Saffy: Yeah, bizarre isn't it? Here DH and i were initially trying not to get UTD this month (because I felt unsure about whether to wait longer) then changed my mind and now we're praying our unreliable form of contraception didn't work! Oh well, if it didn't, there's always next month! HOpe you're enjoying your weekend away.
India's mum: Trip to the beach sounds like a lovely thing to do with your dog. Some nice memories to keep.
Luna: Still hoping everything turns out ok for you. (And yes, i was hamming it up a bit for comic effect in my last post. Glad it made you smile).
Crafty: Fingers crossed for you, clomid and the preseed (and DH too of course!)
hello everyone, I'm still here, moping in the background.
Trea, thank you for looking in on me and for your lovely post. It really makes so much difference to know you are all here with comforting words and caring thoughts. I think the anger hit yesterday - spent most of it fighting with DH (?!) who is just as sad as I am. It really doesn't help. We are going to look into fostering - had a chat about it last night so I'm going to get in touch with Bernardos on Monday and see if we can't get things moving there. We simply want to be parents. We feel like we have so much love to give that it's just not going to go away and we could hopefully give a good home to children who need it. I'm just scared to death that I'll have to be a better parent for someone else's children than I would be for my own, IYKWIM. Lots to think about. I have had all the immune tests done - I have slightly raised antinuclear antibodies and anticardiolipin antibodies which is why I was taking Clexane. FS didn't want to do the steroids but maybe we'll insist when we get to our little frosite...if it survives the big thaw which I'm pretty doubtful about given how far behind it was the two that were put back but I have to stay positive for that little spark of life.
India's Mum, Crafty, and thanks to you too for your kind words, I really appreciate everything everyone has said. Crafty, I think the hospital event really was a last straw for me. I've been through so many interventions I just can't take anymore. We will give this little frostie a chance then we are calling it a day. I couldn't even face the bloodtest - just too many needles, ultrasounds, pain, anguish, it all adds up and after 10 years I just can't take it anymore. If we could keep going naturally that'd be a whole other story.
MatthewsMum, I didn't know there was a special day for pregnancy and infant loss day. I wish I had known. Thankyou for thinking of us, I hope you found comfort in the day too.
Luna, any news? I didn't realise from your post that it is possible to go on into a pregnancy from where you are so I'm sorry for saying I hoped for a mc as a less of two painful options. I am hoping that your levels will keep rising and you have a little miracle there instead. Fingers crossed for you x
Sunbeam, thinking of you lots. Hope you're looking forward to your cruise and it does you the world of good. Did you decide on doing another stim cycle? Sounded like that was where things were heading for you and I so hope it turns out well x
Ferrals, one more sleep to the test. I hope they take the very best of care with your little girl to keep her safe inside you. It will be an agonising three day wait for the result - we're all here for you xx
Saffy, Clairesmum, T-hopes, Mildez, Porsche, Damprye (if you're reading), Toomanyshoes, and anyone else I'm sorry to have missed - hi and hope you are all having a restful weekend.
Well my lovelies it's time for some super good news around here to raise everyone's spirits. Stickyvibes and Babydust to everyone! Time for some BFPs!!
Possum, I'm sorry! How did I miss you? Thanks for thinking of me x
Last edited by Alice; October 17th, 2010 at 09:15 AM.
Alice - thank you for asking about me in the middle of your own crisis. You are such a kind person, I am praying that you will get your child one way or the other, you will be a wonderful parent. I know what you mean about being a better parent to somebody's else child. My BIL is adopted and his parents had a biological child too. Even now, I can see that they are trying harder with him than his sibling, and he certainly is fully grown now. I cannot even imagine how much you had to suffer through with all the medical procedures over the years, that is a lot more than anybody should endure in a lifetime. I admire you that you can still find strength to give your frostie a chance, I'll pray so hard for your frostie, I cannot think of anybody else that is more deserving of a child.
I have no idea what is going on with me, but more bleeding now and I do not feel the slightest bit pregnant anymore, so I think it is completing. I'll get the results of the last BT on Monday. It is very odd to me that you can have such a painless m/c, so not like in the movies.
Alice-there is always a glimmer of hope and we have to hang on to that or what else have we got i hope your frosty surprises you and is the one.
Luna-there was another lady not to long ago on BB who thought she had an eptopic because they could see no baby on ultrasound and her levels kept rising and i am pretty sure she had spotting also she was waiting to start her ivf cycle and didnt have to because it turned out she was pregnant with a sneaky baby after a lot of problems ttc so i hope you have a similar outcome.
Hello to all my other ltttc ladies i will pop back in later just feeling a bit under the weather with a cold.
AFM-I had my amnio and it went well not to painful which is good i am home on the lounge now with a little cramping but it is not as bad as my previous amnio's or cvs's but the good news is our girl is measuring spot on to the day all her long bones are perfect no sign of any growth restriction or skeletal dysplasia her heart looks normal so another step in the right direction now to just get a good amnio result and we are in the clear.
This will be a very nerve racking 3 day wait.
Ferrals, what a relief it went OK. I hope the cramping stops soon - glad you are resting up. The next three days are going to be hard but your girl needs you to be as calm and restful as you can so I hope you can get through it without too much strain and worry. Today's great result should help a bit. I hope that the time flies by and you get good news and can start celebrating properly for this little one after all the uncertainty of the past four months. Sending you lots of love and hugs xx and thanks I'm trying to stay positive about our frostie but there's a lot gong on for us at the moment and we might not be able to try again for six months.
I rang Barnardos this morning about fostering. We have to wait minimum 12 months from our last treatment before we can put in an expression of interests and from the way their info pack is worded, seems like they give preference to people who already have kids (makes sense I guess but tough to read) and also couples suffering from infertility don't seem like they are considered for younger children. I'm waiting to hear back from them for a bit more information but looks like it's going to be a few years down the track if anything happens at all. We'd happily take siblings so hope this helps our case a bit. We're used to waiting so what's one more year? At least I can go back to work and we can try pay off a bit more of the house. Had to laugh at their statement about 12 months getting us used to changes to our lifestyle - what lifestyle? Going to work then crashing on the couch by 9.30 every night? Oh yeah, that's right, people without children are meant to be up all night sipping chardonnay and going to functions in fancy clothes 'cause they don't have to spend their huge disposable incomes on children, isn't that right? I don't know where our lives took a wrong turn but we sure as hell missed that one!!
Luna - I had a miscarriage at around 6 weeks and it was much less painful than the later ones but still far more painful than a normal period. I hate to hear that you are still in limbo without some more final blood tests.
Ferrals - I think this amnio is a good thing for you as when you get your results you can finally being to enjoy this pregnancy and share your good news with everyone.
Alice - I find that odd about the wait and criteria for fostering. My sister's friend used to foster and they are so desperate for people to take on children (of all ages) that she is constantly being rung and asked to come out of retirement as there are so few people willing to do it. Is there another agency you could foster through?
Ferrals so glad the amnio is over with now just relax and wait for the results not too much longer at least you will know for sure either way at long last !!!
Alice sorry your having a hard time trying to look after children seems really mean to me that they have such rediculous ways of sorting out who can and who can't take on the childrens care !! sometimes this world just insn't fair and I think everyone should be given the same chance !!!!
Luna so sorry you feel its over for you but maybe just maybe you little one is hanging on ! mc is not always painful but sometimes its worse than being in labour ! I have had it both ways so I know !!!
AFM well last day of clomid and just waiting to start opks in around 5 days time then DH and me and the pre-seed can get down and see if we can snag that old scrambled eggie I may have produced or 2 I know wishful thinking !! was reading of a same sex couple in a mag that had clomid and IUI with donor sperm and now are expecting quods !!!!!
Hi lovelieladies,
I tried to post before but mum came round midway through, so had to abandon it , lets try again.
Firstly- no Quads please Craftymummy/nanna, that would be waaay too much lol. Hope you and DH and the preseed and the clomid are getting jiggy with it very soon darl
Alice-seems crazy doesn't it, I wonder if like India'smum says, you contacted some other places and checked out what they say. Sorry to hear you are fighting with DH, its inevitable I guess, with the raw emotions, so fresh still xx I'm sending a that this little frostybub hangs on there if you are going to try it. I can complately understand that you are sick to death of all the years of meds, surgeries etc, it must just be horrendous and just so, so, so unfair for you both xxxx
Luna- hope you get an answer very soon, it seems cruel to go on like this xx
Ferals- amnio results come back nornal, you have been a trooper through this, very strong for your little baby xx
Possummagic- any AF? Hope not xx
India'smum- hi, how are you going hun x
Matthew'smum- hope you are feeling better lovely
Toomanyshoes- sorry to see you go but i understand you are making the decision you need to and I'm sure your family will appreciate it, thanks for watching over us!
Sunbeam- hope the cruise is going well!
Hi everyone else, I know for sure I have missed people so big apologies and babydust all round, stickyvibes to all the escapees stalking!
AFM- had a great weekend away with DH to the city, so fun and relaxing, then when we got home last night DH even offered to give me a romantic massage! ( this is a minor miracle in itself) Might have to organise a few more surprise weekends for him if that is going to be the outcome lol.
Anyway, off the BCP, cycle day1 is Thursday, start jabbing on Friday which is great, unfortunately I have nightshift tonight though which isn't so great.
Ferrals: Hooray! Great news! ANother hurdle down. Hope your cold gets better soon and you are in top shape for good news in three days!
Alice: It does seem a shame doesn't it? THere are so many children needing care and here they have two lovely people like you and DH willing to offer a home... i guess the wait will give you time to decide what to do about your little frostie and then to shift gears mentally from IVF to fostering.
Luna: Hope you are holding up ok. Any news?
Saffy: So glad you enjoyed your weekend. My DH is always saying we don't have enough quality couple time. It would be great to do a romantic weekend. And no, no AF yet but don't get excited: i'm not due before Saturday. I don't feel at all pg. Undergoing horrid outbreak of adolescence (i mean my skin's gone cr*p)! Probably AF on its way... but then my skin was like this in early pg too!
Craftymummy: OMG quads! Can you imagine?! GL for this month!
Crafty, you've given us all heart failure woman, talking like that!! Quads!! LOL well if anyone could handle it, it would be you and your DH. Glad you got your hands on some Clomid and go the preseed! Have fun bding and maybe just catching that egg is OK (no scrambling required!)
Saffy, a massage! My god, my DH would have to be well happy to do something like that! Sounds like you've hit on a good formula. Win win!! I kept thinking you started on Sunday so it's this week. I got all excited and a bit ahead of myself. Bring on the baby vibes, it's your turn now! x
Possum, eek about the skin - I get that too so let's hope it's a sign of early pg with you and not She Who Must Not Be Named. Yeah, I think the year off will be OK. Will talk to my acupuncturist/Chinese herb doc today to get her advice about what to do next.
India's Mum, I will try DOCS (though I'm not keen on the idea) and do a bit of research on other agencies. Barnardos have a really good reputation so if we have to wait then we will. I was just laughing at the lifestyle idea. Hmpff, if you call feeding your chooks and going to be early a lifestyle then I guess I have a great one! Where are you up to at the moment? I got sidetracked and can't remember?
Ferrals, well that's one sleep down, two more to go. See, you're one third of the way there already. How are you today? What are you up to?
Sunbeam, are you traveling the high seas yet or sorting out things at home? Are you OK about being there on your own for a while? I'm really sorry your flatmate did that to you. Been thinking of you. Hope this time out is helping you decide what to do next x
hello to all our other lovely women, hope all is well with you x
AFM well I'm slowly feeling better though the two times I ventured out of the house since last week have ended in floods of tears. Who'd have thought going to my local market could be so upsetting!? I've been hiding out at home but today I'm going to Sydney to see my acupuncturist/Chinese medicine doc to let her know about the cycle and to talk about what's next so hope that goes OK. My good friend is home from OS with my god daughter so going to drop in on them if I feel up to it and see my little godson at the same time. They are great kids and always make me laugh so that's probably what I need a good dose of silliness from them and a hug from her. It really is one step at a time and slowly the bits of your life fall back into place again and for that I'm truly grateful! xx
Good Morning All- Hope everyone in here is fine and dandy on this lovely Tuesday morning. We had a great time away over the week end but it seems I have picked up the flue while Ive been away, the last 2 days my joints have been a bit achey and today I have a snuffley nose. Still have tender achey BBs and STILL NO AF.
Just dropping in to drop off some baby dust and sticky vibes
I'm not UTD but I am enjoying life. Things with DP are going fantastic. I have taken up drinking though... only socially. I am moving house ASAP and then maybe I will be truely happy
Clairesmummy - have you tested? How many days late are you? The symptoms sound very promising.
damprye - glad to hear that things are looking up for you. Ocasional social driking can be very entertaining...
Craftymummy - I am excited for you for the clomid round, I heard it can do wonders!
ferrals - almost there, glad to hear that things are looking good so far.
Saffy, India's Mum, possum, Alice - hello ladies, I am thinking of you all.
I have a scan booked for tomorrow, finally maybe they will look at me and tell me what is going on. The BT was up again, but only to 680, which is definetly not right for 7th week.
Thanks to everyone for understanding how hard this last few weeks has been for me I would not have gotten through it without all of you !
good news please !!!
thank you for looking in on me and for your lovely post. It really makes so much difference to know you are all here with comforting words and caring thoughts. I think the anger hit yesterday - spent most of it fighting with DH (?!) who is just as sad as I am. It really doesn't help. We are going to look into fostering - had a chat about it last night so I'm going to get in touch with Bernardos on Monday and see if we can't get things moving there. We simply want to be parents. We feel like we have so much love to give that it's just not going to go away and we could hopefully give a good home to children who need it. I'm just scared to death that I'll have to be a better parent for someone else's children than I would be for my own, IYKWIM. Lots to think about. I have had all the immune tests done - I have slightly raised antinuclear antibodies and anticardiolipin antibodies which is why I was taking Clexane. FS didn't want to do the steroids but maybe we'll insist when we get to our little frosite...if it survives the big thaw which I'm pretty doubtful about given how far behind it was the two that were put back but I have to stay positive for that little spark of life.
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