I'd love to know what tests I should be asking for as I had my appointment with the IVF clinic on Thursday and told the nurse I think I should have more tests done (I've only ever had the STD, rubella and hormone level blood tests - no internal tests etc). Anyway the nurse told me that the Doctor has reviewed my case and he doesn't think I need to worry about any other tests yet - but the problem is that I can't afford to try again after this next attempt and I'm not sure I want to waste my money trying now if my chance of success is going to be no different to last time.
Apparently he has me down for an antagonist cycle this time... so when I get my next period (this one just finished last weekend) I will start on the pill for 3 weeks and then after that pill period I will start on injections (no synarel this time). She told me that Synarel can reduce egg quality... any one else heard of this?
I was told they won't increase my dose of gonal-F as I had a good number of follicles and eggs last time (12 eggs) but only 3 fertilized and only 1 developed. Apparently they believe this is due to my egg quality! So I'm not sure that it is worth wasting more money... I don't understand if I have poor egg quality (I'm only 36) then isn't it only going to get worse with age? So maybe I should give up now before I'm completely broke.
I find my clinic extremely frustrating as they don't want to answer any questions. They just say "The doctor has reviewed your case and this is what he has written" or "Well he has reviewed your file and he hasn't requested any tests" or "The doctor would have written in your file if he felt it would help"! I've only ever seen the "Doctor" twice in 22 months of going to the clinic. Seems like he (as the owner of the clinic) is raking in a ton of money and hardly doing any work for it.
On top of all this I turn 37 this month and last year I had vowed to stop trying by the end of last year and then when I decided to keep trying early this year I had vowed I would stop before my birthday. So I'm feeling very frustrated and lost and just don't know whether to quit, sell my farm and hit the road and live the sort of lifestyle I wouldn't have been able to have with a baby (so atleast maybe I won't feel so bad about failing).
Then last night I got a text message from my brother's wife to say she is pregnant (due in august). She said in her message they decided not to tell anyone until they were sure it would be okay as they lost a baby at 22 weeks gestation a few years ago. I know how much that loss hurt them but I just felt so angry reading her message as they already have 6 kids and they are both on welfare. they both smoke heaps of pot and when the youngest two were babies she didn't even look after them... nighttime feeds were left up to my brother and the daytime looking after was done by the older children. I remember visiting one time and the 4 year old was left to give the baby it's bottle while the mum smoked a bong in the "smoke room". It just seems so unfair that they can keep spitting out kids and they don't even properly look after the ones they have! I guess I just have to hope that mabye having lost the other baby might make them appreciate this one more. But I can't be happy for them and I don't think I could cope with seeing her pregnant (certainly not at the moment). I saw her a few weeks ago and now reflecting back she looked like she had put on some weight but I didn't realise she was pregnant. Apparently now it is becoming obvious so that is another reason they have decided to start telling people. She invited us to attend the youngest birthday party in a couple of weeks but I can't go... I just won't be able to act happy and excited for them because I'm not.
I realise my parents must have known for ages and I feel weird about that too... they knew and would have heard me ***** about how unfair it is that my sister in law has spat out so many kids and doesn't look after them and here she was pregnant again and my parents just bit their tongue. I guess it would have been very hard for mum and dad because they knew I was going through IVF.
Sorry everyone... just had to share with someone and I knew you would probably be able to relate to how I'm feeling.
Lori
DD (13)
Started donor search Dec 06, Started donor insemination Jan 09, Started IVF Feb 10. 1st cycle - chem preg - BFN.
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