Yep, that was me. What do we do? We hold our head high and we keep putting one foot in front of the other because if we dont than all the miracles that we do have in our life will lose the one important thing that matters to them. Do we give up? For me, no. But it also meant I turned to other things, I focused on 'us' instead of that baby we so desperately wanted. We induldged in things we couldnt do had we had a bub. It didnt take away the pain and it was always the elephant in the room.

I hated Christmas, Easter and everything that is generally focused around children. I was angry at the world and those scars still run very deeply. That pang of jealousy of people who fall pregnant so easily is still there, but for me now I also have an overwhelming burden of guilt of having been able to conceive.

The promise of IVF is such a strong promise, its almost a guarantee! We were told on our first cycle 'hey, you're 21, all you need is one egg'. Turns out 5 years and 11 A/C cycles later we didnt just need 1 egg We were almost cast aside, we had nowhere to turn unless we were going to do another cycle.

n2l, do not go away, dont ever go away. You deserve your miracle and like I said hold you head high and dont you ever lose that tiny glimmer that is hiding somewhere in your mind because without that what keeps us going in achieving what we desire. You are an unbelievably strong and amazing person, you might think you did what you had to and nothing more but the person you are now is a very different person to what you would have been had you not travelled this long hard road