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Thread: LTTTC & Assisted Conception ~ February 2006 #2

  1. #19

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    Oh starbright honey I don't know what to say. Just know that we are all here and all ask ourselves the same questions. Stay close xoxox


  2. #20
    Caryn Guest

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    Hi Ladies,
    It makes me sad to see that you are all having the same struggles I too am having. You all so much deserve a BFP and some relief from all of the side effects both emotoionally and physically. It is so unfair!
    I too know what you all mean regarding the not knowing what is happening next....Its like you kind of loose control of you body and even your future plans.
    As hard as it is to stay positive, at least by having all of these things going on, it gives the professionals a great deal of insight into how we all work and therefore ideas on how to make it work.
    Hugs to everyone and my thoughts are with you all

  3. #21
    ~Jane~ Guest

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    Starbright, I wish I could say something that would make you feel better

    Janee is right your heart will tell you, but for the time being take it easy and try to get some rest. It might be worth taking to someone about your feelings, I know it has certainly helped me in the past and certainly helps you plan for the future as much as that is possible.

    We are all here for you.

  4. #22

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    Oh starbright hunny I can only imagine how devastated you must feel. I am so so sorry that AF showed up and I wish I could do something to make it all better for you. How is your DH coping?

    SamT - thanks for your thoughts. I can imagine how you must be feeling a bit reticent about telling your DH's boss about your IVF plans. Do you need to go into detail, or could you just say that you need medical procedures that are not available where you're currently living? I hope the transfer goes smoothly for you .. that would be one less stress at least.

    Shez - I'm so glad to hear that Bob Watson comes highly recommended. I know it sounds weird, but I've never had a male doctor before, and especially not for anything as personal as fertility, so it's important to me that it's someone I can feel comfortable with. I hope we do cross in the waiting room ... only I hope you've got a big beautiful bump when we do!

    Jane - one of your sentences 'try not to focus too much on what might be' was just a lightbulb for me ... that is exactly what I have been doing, and it's been tying me in knots. It's easier said than done not to do it, but thanks for making me aware of it .... awareness is the first step.

    MeredithD - thank you so much for your post too. How did your lap & hysteroscopy go today? Did they find anything, or is it still 'unexplained'? I really felt for you, reading your story about your m/c and D&C's - how incredibly stressful for you Keeping my fingers and toes crossed that you can start TTC again soon. I really hope you continue to post in here, and one day you're going to announce a BFP.

    Rose - welcome to BB. I"m sending you lots of inkstick: for your embies, and praying for a BFP on the 17th for you.

    Janee - hunny, you haven't done anything to deserve this struggle to be a mum. Nothing! Thanks for sharing your fortune cookie messages - they are so uplifting!

    I'm feeling a little better today. I woke up with a migraine this morning .. which always happens when I've been crying the previous day. So I took the day off work sick, and booked in for a much-needed massage this arvo. I'm feeling nearly human now.

  5. #23

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    Cherie, good luck with testing tomorrow, I pray it will bring about a BFP for you and your DH.


    Hello to everyone else.

    Caryn, your words could not have been any more true. thanks or the inspiration.

    Starbright: i so hope that you will begin to feel a little better soon.

  6. #24
    skyelar Guest

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    ****sticks head in***** to give my lil friend Starbright a big hug I am so sorry honey. I wish I could say something to take it all away.

    Look after yourself & I am always here, you know that xoxox

  7. #25
    ~Jane~ Guest

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    Cherie - I am glad my saying that helped, I did hope it didn't come out the wrong way. I have been guilty of thinking way ahead of myself on more ocassions that I care to remember but I must say I am getting better at it these days. It just about took my breath way when you mentioned not wanting to stay in your job forever and all your plans being taken away as I have felt that exact way. I have actually made a pact with DH that if we dont get pregnant in the next couple of years I am going to leave my job and go back to uni to do some postgraduate study (I am finishing an arts degree part time at the moment). The counsellor I went to see about all this made me realise that you need to be happy whether or not you fulfill the dream of having a baby. I will say though some are ready to work on this sooner than others and sometimes this is just way too hard to deal with. The best thing we can do is focus on keeping our thoughts in the present and think of what we can do now to fulfill our goals. I am glad to hear you are feeling better and hope that the migraine goes away soon.

    I hope everyone else is going along well

  8. #26
    SamT Guest

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    Hi Everyone,

    Oh dear, I feel a long message coming on!

    Firstly, I am sending big hugs to everyone......I think we all need them at the moment.

    Meredith - Welcome! I imagine you have had your surgery by now, I hope everything went really well, and that you have a speedy recovery. Hopefully you will have some answers and with a bit of luck your ttc journey will not last too much longer.

    Jane - I am so sorry to hear about your sister. I am glad to hear your lap went well, hopefully now the endo is gone ttc might be easier :luck:

    Patient Rose - Fingers crossed for Feb 17 , I hope you get your BFP.

    Starbright - I am sorry to hear AF showed up. I know there is not much we can say to make you feel better, but if you need to just vent vent vent! We are all hear to listen and we understand. :hugs: I am sending lots of hugs your way.

    Janee - Thanks for sharing your fortune cookies, I love positive thoughts like those - I have the exact same saying "your plans are going to succeed" from a fortune cookie stuck on my fridge! I also have one that says "if your desires are extravagant, they will be granted".......I wonder if wanting to fall pregnant is extravagant!!!!

    Caryn - You are so right, we all deserve that BFP, and sometimes it seems so unfair. I think we are all so lucky to have each other to lean on because we all UNDERSTAND, and it is so important to have that.

    Inspiration - I hope you enjoyed your day off and massage and that you are feeling better. I think there should be some government funded thing for women to have a free massage when AF shows up to cheer us up! Talk about putting tax dollars to good use, ha ha! Unfortunately we will have to tell them that it is for IVF, because they don't just give out transfers before your 2 years here is up unless you have a good reason, but dh assures me everything will be ok. I am just going to let him do all the talking because I can't even talk to my best friend without crying, I get sooooo emotional.

    I am thinking of you all and I hope the next month is a better month for us all. :flower:

    Love & hugz,
    Sam xox

  9. #27

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    Hi Cherie - glad to hear the massage did the trick and boosted your spirits, even if just a little. I so understand what you're saying as I've thought the exact same things. I've never wanted anything more than to be a Mum to a big brood of kids, but I'm almost 38 and wondering if it's ever going to happen at all. This is one of the toughest journey's a woman can go through but at least for me it makes such a difference being able to share my joy and pain with all the wonderful women here. :flower:

    Hi Sam - good luck with the transfer to Darwin. I had to finally tell my boss about my IVF late last year because I needed so many extra scans and time off work. Boy was it difficult but it has taken some weight off my shoulders now that I'm not worrying about what to tell him. Still a bit awkward tho - as it is something very personal.

    Hi Meredith - so sorry to hear about your struggles. Here's hoping the surgery goes well and there is some good news down the track for you - you definitely deserve it. Take care.

    Hi Starbright - that's so sad that AF has arrived. I don't think I've ever cried so much in my whole life as I have since I started this TTC journey. And that's crying both for me and the other women here going through the same struggles. Take care. xoxo

    And lots of warm hugs to everyone

    Marg

  10. #28

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    Hi Ladies,

    So much to catch up on since I was in here last.

    Star - I am so sorry AF arrived. Hope a cry helped a little, be kind to yourself.

    Not much to add from me here. In the good old 2ww, I swear I was just here yesterday. The last 2 years have especially gone by in a blur yesterday it seemed like October, now it's Feb the next year.

    Sorry for no personals, lot's to catch up on.

    Hugs & Baby Dust to all.

    S
    xox

  11. #29

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    Hi girls,
    It seemed alittle flat in here, I'm here to bring my magical wand and wave it around like crazy to bring on those BFP's
    Cherie: Sweets I feel for you and DH, people say the most insensitive things. Especially when they all add there 2c in like wanting to know if you bd enough or my fvourite eat parsley...yup that would do the job. Stay strong and see the specialist just to talk and plan what you feel confortable with. I hope life gets alittle easier.
    Star: I'm sorry AF found you, it never gets any easier. Poor DH-DP
    do tend to take the brunt of our emotions we tend to lash out at the ones that we know will love and forgive us..Hugs
    LilChookie: Fingers crossed for your 2ww, hoping it is not too painful waiting
    Sam: Good luck with your transfer, stick little one stick little one.I was upfront with mine and DH bosses, it seemed to take that stress away with only the IVF stress to deal with.
    Janee: I wish all the fortunes well, yumm fortune cookies
    Rose: Welcome good luck with the 2ww, praying for a little sticker
    Caryn:Hugs to you, losing control is hard especially in something so easy as reproduction. we have to believe that these doctors and nurses do know what is best although it interfers with every aspect of our life.
    Merideth: Hugs I have followed your journey on the ML thread. I hope that you feel strong enough to TTC again. It is hard when there are no answers.I suppose I was lucky in that way.
    Ohh I can't read back any further...I am sorry for those I have forgot.
    As for me, working through where and when I will do IVF again. My little ICSI miracle is crying better run, but wouldn't have it any other way.
    Bec

  12. #30

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    Hello girls -thankyou all so much for the best wishes.
    Well, had my lap etc yesterday. Had to stay overnight so have not been home long but can't seem to sleep despite major tiredness.so thought I would come in here for a chat.
    I must be starting to sound like a drama queen but truly, nothing with me can ever be straight forward!! Was scheduled for surgery at 2.30pm but also had to go in the morning to have HCG level done just to be sure I wasn't pg again- even though I was 99% sure I wouldn't be (My doc is very paranoid given the issue with my first pg when I was put on clomid without a prior preg test -said she definitely didn't want to go in and see a little sac -fair enough!!)
    So had the blood taken then arrived at 2.30pm to be told I was 5th on the list and doc was still in with no 1 -doh -several hrs waiting, waiting. Finally, my turn and doc has the pre surgery chat etc -was literally ready to go in when she goes off to call about the bloods -HCG level 21! So now she's telling me she won't do surgery in case I am very early pg. You would think I would be happy but I just knew i was not og (trust your instincts girls!) and was sure must still be related to my last m/c. Doc was not convinced seeing as m/c was 6 weeks ago and my 2nd D&C was 4 weeks -she really just wanted me to go home and have another HCG in 2 days. I am not the sort to kick up a fuss but was really distressed -I had organised time off work (not easy!) and geared myself all up for surgery especially since I had been sitting around for over 3hrs stewing!! Begged for an u/s to at least see if i had recently ovulated -too late all closed! Finally we both came up with ringing the lab and getting an HCG done on some blood I had taken last week. So, more waiting whilst the remaining patients went in and I was left on my lonesome wondering why I wasn't actually excited by the prospect of a +ve HCG -just couldn't allow myself that little glimmer of hope..
    Turns out my levels a week ago were 35 so likely is still just dropping from my previous pg. Even after two D&Cs - 6 and 4 weeks ago -you'd think it would be over by now!
    So, from being ready to get dressed and go home -doc literally grabs me and we are straight off to theatre.. She IS really a lovely doc but by now its 6pm and I think was keen to go home herself ! We arrive at theatre door to find the lights are off, music blaring and my anaesthetist plus nurses are dancing and singing around the room!! Guess medical staff get bored too! Doc was quite shocked but I thought it was hilarious .We all had a good chuckle and helped lighten my mood.
    Good news is that my reproductive bits are all fine -My uterus is slightly odd shaped (love heart shape apparently which I take as a good omen!) but nothing that would explain the m/c's. There was signs of where i had the reatained placenta so poss explains my persistent cramping but no extra tissue, scarring etc. Also no evidence of PCOS or endometriosis and tubes are clear. Took some biopsis to look for "natural killer cells" so will see what that shows but so far there appears to be no reason why I shoudn't be able to carry a baby - i'm just not! Am dissapointed not to have any answers but not that suprised and will just have to accept the unexplainable I guess.
    Was totally out of it after the surgery and the only one left in recovery at 9pm so they sent me up to a ward o/n -had to share a room with a snoring granny!! Poor DH stayed with me until I was vaguely conscious at 11pm and was back again at 7am -he is more sick of hospitals than me!Pain not too bad -shoulder/neck pain is sctually worse than the abdominal -apparently refferd pain from the diaphragm due to the gases they use to inflate abdo cavity during lap.
    Doc came to see me this morning -went over the above fidnings and On an even better note she is happy for us to TTC again quite soon. Will just have to wait until HCG levels are below 5, then I will be back into ovulation induction. This time going to try puregon injections. Clomid obviously worked to get me pg but it can thin your uterine lining and we want every chance at the best possible implantation. Will also be having Clexane injs once we fall pg. She did warn that with this protocol there is even higher risk of multiples -20% twins, 5% triplets. Not so sure re the triplets but twins DH and I would be quite happy with!

    Starbright - I am so sorry to hear AF has shown -our problems may differ but I certainly understand the journey you are enduring. Please don't give up hope. I feel total hoplessness several times a day and constantly wonder how much more I can take but the prize at the end will be so worth every ounce of suffering.
    Cherie Glad to hear you are feeling a bit better -hope the massage eased some of the stress. I am currently seeing a chinese acupuncturist -think this helps my stress levels.
    Sam -hope the work transfer all pans out. I have had a stressful time with my boss and all my pg issues -was very honest and told him upfront everything going on in my life -he has not been particularly "sensitive" about it all but I have gotten over it . There are far more improtant things in life than a job -we can always find work but there is not a lifetime to have children.
    Rose - Best wishes on a little sticker!!

  13. #31

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    Hi guys hope all is well. I have had a bad afternoon I swear I am not pulling some wierd joke. As some of you will recall my cousin (mum's brothers daughter, 34) took her own life last week due to PND. Well yesterday my 2nd cousin (mum's sister's daughters daughter, 13!!) took her life the same way. I can't believe it. I am still in shock 13!! I again wasn't terribly close to her as she also lives in NZ but it still hurts.
    My family really doesn't need anymore bad news.
    Hopefully this time next week I can have some happy news to share.
    I also feel bad that my mum will be flying to NZ by herself again. If I wasn't in the TWW I would go with her.
    Sorry to darken the mood

  14. #32

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    Wow Meredith – what a drama! I did have a bit of a giggle at your description of the dancing medical staff though LOL. I’m glad to hear that there’s no sign of PCOS or endo. I’ll keep my fingers crossed that the puregon and clexane will do the trick for you. Honestly, every time I hear that something has an increased risk of multiples, it just makes me want it more 8-[ . I’m sure mums of multiples would love to talk me out of that … but having trouble having just one makes you think that two would be one less round of TTC to go through, if that makes any sense at all.

    Bec – thanks for enlightening me I should have been eating more parlsey all along … I didn’t realize LOL. When do you think you’ll start trying for #2. Is there a minimum period that you have to wait after giving birth before trying IVF again?

    Marg – you’re right. It is one of the toughest journeys .. I’m so glad that, if I have to go through it, that I am going through it with you and the other girls here on BB.

    Good luck to everyone in the TWW dust:

  15. #33

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    Oh Shez I'm so sorry... you posted while I was posting. I didn't mean to be insensitive.

    What a horrible, heartbreaking thing to be going through. 13!!! That is so so young. What a sad thing :hugs:

  16. #34

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    Shez, that's so sad and yes Cherie, 13 is much, much too young.

  17. #35

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    Shez, so sorry to hear such horrible news. It is truly tragic that anyone should be so depressed to take their own life but at 13 - gosh, how could life be so bad for a 13yr old. Love to you and your family and hoping this is the end of all the sad news .

  18. #36

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    Shez - so sorry to hear about your cousin - it must be such a sad time for your family. Take good care & remember we're all thinking of you.

    Meredith - I also had to laugh at the dancing medical staff. And what a drama you've had to go through. Good luck with the puregon injections and here's to a wonderful BFP not far away.

    Cherie - I know what you mean about multiples. Not sure about triplets but if I could get two bubs at once I'd be over the moon! Even though I'm sure there would be mums of multiples saying otherwise! LOL!

    Good luck to those in the TWW. dust:

    Marg

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