Mood Swings

[Acacia]

Hi everyone,

I didn't mention it in my post in the LTTTC & AC thread earlier today, but the reason I'm struggling at the moment is that I'm having pretty severe mood swings. I can go from being completely fine and excited about the process (both IVF and all the other things in my life) to really distressed (bawling) and worried, to completely apathetic and unmotivated. This can all happen in the space of an afternoon. I feel like the majority of this is drug/hormone-related as I have moments of sanity where I feel fine and like my normal self.

It is doing my head in, unfortunately. I feel like I am unable to control the range of emotions and what's happening to me mentally. I also am pretty distressed at how this could be/is all affecting DH, even though we are and have been talking about it extensively and he is so supportive and caring.

I just wanted to post here as I really need some support from people who know what it's like and have been through similar things. I know I'm not the only one! It just feels big when you're really stuck in it

If anyone is able to share, how badly did you have mood swings during treatment and how did you cope with them?

Any discussion or contact about this would help me so much as I'm feeling pretty alone with it at the moment, particularly today.

Thanks heaps,

Miss C

[butterfly_warrior]

Miss C, I think I can safely say that we all know how you feel!

For me, it wasn't so much a case of mood swings, just a feeling of being utterly out of control.

I have the problem where as soon as my estrogen levels start to rise, I become extremely anxious. You can imagine just how bad it can get when you're hyperstimulating, especially when the "simple" matter of trying to ovulate with only 1 or 2 eggs can turn me into a basket case... when there's 32 there...

As for how to cope with it - accepting that it is part of the process really only goes part of the way. I needed to be off work for most of the week before my last EPU, and we'll happily manipulate my cycle with the pill to ensure that transfers and ovulation happen during school holiday breaks just to make it a little bit easier on me.

I too have a very understanding DH. They get used to what you go through quicker than you can imagine. My DH accepted the fact that I get anxious approaching ovulation much quicker than me - I suspect he's the one that first figured it out, really. While I do know that he is being amazingly tolerant, I'm finding that the best way to deal with it is by isolating myself in some ways. I'll spend the time that he's at home reading a book, rather than talking to him. We both accept that housework isn't a priority at the moment and we'll catch up with it later. I guess it's just a matter of going easy on yourself and avoiding those things that will irritate either of you so that you both have the space to get through things.

I'm wishing the success, Miss C, and I hope that it helps simply to know that you are not alone in finding the emotional effects difficult to cope with. Sometimes it helps to keep focussed on WHY we do this, rather than what the process involves at this point in time. Sending you loads of hugs, and thinking of you lots.

BW

[sushee]

Hi miss_c, this happened during you last cycle, didn't it hun? I remember you posting about it here.

I can't tell you how to cope with it, unfortunately. But know you're not alone.

[Acacia]

BW, thanks so much for the hugs. I really needed that That out of control feeling really adds to the anxiety, doesn't it? Thanks so much for sharing your own experience of it with me The advice about accepting it and focusing on the WHY of it is great - when you get stuck it's hard to remember those things. Thanks for reminding me.


Oh Sushee, I had forgotten all about about posting that. It feels like such a long time ago. But you're right, it's the same thing all over again. It obviously makes sense that the same stuff is happening again. I'm just feeling more stuck in it and worse this time on reflection, and as though I'd never experienced anything like this before. My brain is fried. What a mess. Sorry be posting about the same thing all over again I just thought that by posting and asking for help it would be a good thing to help me cope with it and help put it in perspective. Thanks for telling me I'm not alone. It's really good to be reminded.

[butterfly_warrior]

No problems, Miss C. You can return the favour next time I'm stuck in that state and struggling to cope.

It's the way we get through this - you find friends who understand and share the way you feel and think, and then take turns at picking each other up as you muddle through the journey together.

BW

[slyder]

Miss_C, as we've discussed before, you have so much happening and I think it (stress and anxiety) will manifest itself in various ways. In any event, even Mr Cool here had some pretty significant panics and flip outs near the end of our first FET TWW. All the stress and worry that we bury starts overflowing at some point, like shaking a can of Coke. Plus you have the added burden of hormonal changes arising from treatment.

Try and go with it and ride it out. Don't put pressure on yourself to be perfect, and take time out to just be you (which I know you are currently doing and I am pleased). Make sure you communicate with DH even if you feel you are being a dragon because he shouldn't be isolated. Tell him how you feel and why, even if it's not making sense to you. And even see a counsellor if you think it would help to pour it all out. When we're talking next I will add a couple of other suggestions too. Take care.

[briggsy's girl]

miss_c - you may find you're experiencing it all more this time around as you don't have the added distraction of wedding and family visits... BW is right - we do take turns at offering a shoulder to cry on, and then being the person crying on that shoulder when it's needed. that's what friends are for hun! we're all here for you when you need us...

as a little tip to how much this happens, BW and I have an almost unspoken commitment to not cycle together ever again cos both of us being insane at the same time is just really really bad!!

huge hugs for you hunny

[butterfly_warrior]

BG, I laughed out loud when I read that! It's so very true! But, we got there in the end... it's just easier when it's only one of us at a time flipping out in a big way!

MissC, I really do depend quite heavily on the support from others here, and the patience of my DH. I'm very glad that he has patience in much more abundant supply than myself! You will get through this.

BW

[tippytoes]

Miss C

I am sorry you feel so yuckky. I haven't been on the drugs yet but I think my DH is going to be severly tested too! This last week I have been a complete dragon. I know I'm doing it, I know it's irrational but I felt completely out of control with it! Now AF has arrived I feel better - minus the horrible cramps.

Just remember your DH knows you are going through some really hard emotions and a lot of it is out of your control. When you have your lull periods just try to remind him that you're just feeling a bit overwhelmed and out of control. The ultimate goal will be so so worth it!

Wishing you all the best for this cycle hun..

Rach xx

[Acacia]

Thanks everyone for all the responses. You guys are awesome

It has helped me so much today to have some words of support. Unfortunately I can't tell my parents that I'm going through another cycle as they (particularly my mother) are morally and ethically quite puritanical and didn't cope with the first cycle very well. My brothers don't have the maturity to offer support yet (young to mid-twenties) including one of them having a new baby and my friends are all busy people who don't understand my need of support as I'm generally the one who looks after everyone else. I've felt pretty alone with it, especially this week and even more so today.

It's helped me so much to put things in perspective hearing from you all - thank you so much. It makes me feel I really do feel that I've got people who I can lean on here and be understood and not have to worry and pretend everything is ok or that I'm making a big deal. I'll be here too whenever any one needs

I spoke to a counsellor from the clinic today on the phone and I'm going in for an appointment next week to talk through it some more, also. She feels that I'm making the problem worse by expecting to be able to control how I'm feeling instead of just accepting it as part of the process. I'm finding it difficult to accept it all for various reasons. But another perspective helps to stop it from being overwhelming and distressing all the time. And a good vent with a counsellor will hopefully stop it from building up too much again too.

Thanks again - I feel very lucky to have so much support and will always be here to offer the same in return.


Miss C

[Pookiegirlba]

Oh Miss C :hugs: you poor thing. I don't have any answers for you hun, but I SO hear where you're coming from. I particularly identify with what you said about lacking support - I haven't told my family because I don't need their expectations weighing me down as well as my own. And as for my friends, well, I've told a few, but I don't think they're particularly interested. Still, DH has been my rock!

Just take care of yourself and DH, be kind to yourselves, and take it day by day. You WILL get through it!

Vicki

[farmgirl77]

Hi Miss C
Big :hugs:. I totally know where you are coming from and wish that there was a magic wand to wave to make it all go away... i'm finding that the stims are now making me so tired that it is just too hard to cope with anything - and i find myself questioning what we are doing, if it is the right time, how DH is going to cope with me bursting into tears (esp over the last 2 days when then drugs were upped) etc etc.

All I know is that I go to bed early, wake up the next tired, grumpy, about to cry, but at least one day nearer to the end of the nasty little injections . I am wondering if they could start marketing a device that automatically dispences high quality chocolate at the time of injections - a bit of positive reinforcement would be great

Good luck with the councillor - and dont be too hard on yourself. What you are going through is a huge strain on your body and mind that most people will never understand. We are our own biggest critic, so allow yourself to take the day/week/year off from being down on yourself.
FG

[briggsy's girl]

I am wondering if they could start marketing a device that automatically dispences high quality chocolate at the time of injections - a bit of positive reinforcement would be great

i have one of these! His name is DH! he just seems to read when things are getting on top of me, and finds something small to cheer me up! i have no idea how he does it, or even why, seeing he's the person that cops ALL of the bad ***** when i'm feeling down - but he does!

i think the best thing i've done is, before starting any new drug, i'll tell DH the likely side effects, and he seems to notice them before me - i'll be feeling down and he'll say "yeah, but hun remember, you started on x yesterday" or "remember, this happened last time" - and it helps a hell of a lot to know that he's taking notice and is there for me

i still have my bad days (ugh - have to start the PILL on monday - what fun!) but that's life - and as long as you build your support (whether it's IRL, or with us here on BB) you'll get through it

[blizz]

BG your DH is such a sweety! sometimes that is all you need just to feel like someone is with you and listening to you on the journey, I remember clearly the mood swings from the meds

[Acacia]

Thanks Vicky for your support, hun I think when you can't talk to people (family support and friends) when you're having days where you're really struggling it compounds all the feelings and although you know that you're not the only one in the world to feel like you are feeling, you do feel alone with it. One day at a time is all we can do, yes And it's great advice. I'm not sure where you are with your cycle at the moment - though I hope everything is going along well for you, hun.

FG - I went shopping yesterday and bought looooooads of chocolate, funny you should mention it! It's months away from Easter but the Cadbury mini eggs have arrived in the supermarket YAY - best news I've heard all week! I hope the rest of the stims go quickly for you, hun. As BW said earlier in the thread, focusing on the why we are doing this and the end result helps get through the one-day-at-a-time bit. I wish you all the success for your cycle

BG, that's a great thing to do - telling DH what the possible side effects will be. The information gives DH the ability to help put things in perspective. I think going through multiple cycles also helps with that especially "yeah, but remember that happened last time" especially when you're not able to remind yourself. Sushee helped me with that, here and it does help to know that someone is taking notice. BG, I hope you're okay starting on the pill tomorrow - and that it goes as smoothly as possible. I will be thinking of you lots and checking up on you!


DH tends to offer me lots of cups of tea, and "do you want some ginger beer?" happens regularly too lol. And "how you doing over there?" And many, many hugs. He is wonderful and deals with everything so well, and the problem is because he does, I feel worse about my moods affecting him. No doubt we all feel this way.

I also have this thing in me that says "DH is so wonderful, shouldn't all the loving support he's providing me with be enough to get me through?" So I feel bad when I need other support, like the support of people here at BB (nothing to do with not appreciating it wholly and fully from BB - it's been my saviour), and wanting support from my family and friends. I keep thinking I should just be able to cope, especially as I have been through this all before. I even feel bad in retrospect for posting this thread here at BB (not for all the wonderful support, just for the need to post in the first place!). Lots of bad feelings of not being able to cope and being weak. Blehhhhhh. I have discussed these things with DH, and discussed it with the counsellor and this is something I get to work on as it's my trojan horse.

My brain is far less fried though, now that I've started on the stims for a couple of days and out of AF mode, so hopefully that's a good start to helping to get the put-me-downs out of my head, or a least going with the flow a little more and accepting things as they are.

Many hugs to you all and thanks so much for all the support.


Miss C

[briggsy's girl]

I also have this thing in me that says "DH is so wonderful, shouldn't all the loving support he's providing me with be enough to get me through?" So I feel bad when I need other support, like the support of people here at BB...

Hun, i feel the same way - regularly - and it's not something i like! i think, for me, i realise that DH is loving and supportive - the girls on BB are understanding. No matter how much DH provides to me at home - he hasn't physically or emotionally gone through this journey from a FEMALE perspective, so he doesn't have that same understanding that my BB girls do! i often feel guilty about needing that extra understanding, but he reassures me that it's ok - and when i've read that someone is going through something similar, or has felt the same in the past, i feel much better that what i'm going through is normal - and the worry part of my brain turns of (or at least slows down) and i'm more open to that support DH is offering...

on the flip side of the coin - Slyder has helped me to understand things from DH's perspective as well, for which i'm eternally grateful - it's nice to read of what might be going on in his head - and reading Slyders posts, i've been able to broach conversation with DH about what he is thinking/feeling...

dont' feel guilty about getting your thoughts out on BB - it's so much better to not bottle it up hun!

BG