I've been lurking around here for a few weeks, so thought I'd join and make a post.

Last November we found out our chance of conceiving naturally was "1 pregnancy in 10 years" and we'd need to do IVF (came off pill May 2006). Poor sperm morphology and then one of my tests showed a level (is it AMH??) that apparently they'd normally see in someone 40 (I was 32 at the time, 33 now). Many tears, anger, tears again, tears wondering how we'd get the money (we'd just bought a house in June and spent all our funds on that). We've borrowed money from my in-laws.

So February we started treatment. After a few days of injecting myself, it seemed to get harder mentally. I knew it didn't hurt but I just hated having to take the injections and for being in this situation. And then I felt like a wouss, it's a few needles for a big reward. My husband gave me the orgalutran, I gave myself the gonal-f. Those orgalutran's are nice and blunt aren't they.

Anyway, I took my trigger after a week of the gonal-f and two shots of orgalutran. Had my egg collection 2 weeks ago (forgive me for not using acronyms, I have no idea what some of the acronyms on here mean, anywhere there's a list?). 10 eggs, only 4 mature enough to fertilise, only 2 fertilised. Had my embryo transfer last Monday 3rd March. Unfortunately our other embryo stopped growing, so we have none stored. I'm wondering whether next cycle I'll go a bit longer before triggering, 4 out of 10 doesn't seem like a great number.

This would have to be the hardest two week wait ever, and this 2nd week even harder than the first, it's all I can think about. I've been used to not getting my hopes up, but it's so different when you know you've had an embryo inside you and you're so close to being pregnant. My pregnancy test is Friday. I've been getting cramps every morning which I believe is from the crinone. They seem a bit more intense the last couple of days, so I'm convinced my period is about to start anyday.

Also, I've been so stupid...I've been drinking the Lipton Chai latte's and not even thinking that they could caffeine in them. So now I'm kicking myself that I've sabotaged everything with the caffeine, and I'm feeling really crap about it.

So far I haven't had any counselling. But my husband went to church on Sunday (we haven't been in months and months) and came back to tell me all the people that send their love to us, and then proceeded to tell me those couples in the church that were pregnant. I went into the study and broke down. I wanted to scream at him for being insensitive, but I don't think he realises how much it hurts to hear that. But I didn't say anything and I didn't let him see me cry, for I felt like a selfish, awful person, for not being happy for those people, I wouldn't wish this on them and it's not their fault they can get pregnant naturally. But boy I felt envious of them and wanted it to be me not them, and all my feelings of anger rose again - why is this happening to us, why? So I thnk I probably do need to go speak to someone. I've been avoiding those people that I know are pregnant, and I don't know how to deal with those feelings.

Anyway, that's my story briefly, or not so briefly