My first IVF cycle

[incomplete]

I've been lurking around here for a few weeks, so thought I'd join and make a post.

Last November we found out our chance of conceiving naturally was "1 pregnancy in 10 years" and we'd need to do IVF (came off pill May 2006). Poor sperm morphology and then one of my tests showed a level (is it AMH??) that apparently they'd normally see in someone 40 (I was 32 at the time, 33 now). Many tears, anger, tears again, tears wondering how we'd get the money (we'd just bought a house in June and spent all our funds on that). We've borrowed money from my in-laws.

So February we started treatment. After a few days of injecting myself, it seemed to get harder mentally. I knew it didn't hurt but I just hated having to take the injections and for being in this situation. And then I felt like a wouss, it's a few needles for a big reward. My husband gave me the orgalutran, I gave myself the gonal-f. Those orgalutran's are nice and blunt aren't they.

Anyway, I took my trigger after a week of the gonal-f and two shots of orgalutran. Had my egg collection 2 weeks ago (forgive me for not using acronyms, I have no idea what some of the acronyms on here mean, anywhere there's a list?). 10 eggs, only 4 mature enough to fertilise, only 2 fertilised. Had my embryo transfer last Monday 3rd March. Unfortunately our other embryo stopped growing, so we have none stored. I'm wondering whether next cycle I'll go a bit longer before triggering, 4 out of 10 doesn't seem like a great number.

This would have to be the hardest two week wait ever, and this 2nd week even harder than the first, it's all I can think about. I've been used to not getting my hopes up, but it's so different when you know you've had an embryo inside you and you're so close to being pregnant. My pregnancy test is Friday. I've been getting cramps every morning which I believe is from the crinone. They seem a bit more intense the last couple of days, so I'm convinced my period is about to start anyday.

Also, I've been so stupid...I've been drinking the Lipton Chai latte's and not even thinking that they could caffeine in them. So now I'm kicking myself that I've sabotaged everything with the caffeine, and I'm feeling really crap about it.

So far I haven't had any counselling. But my husband went to church on Sunday (we haven't been in months and months) and came back to tell me all the people that send their love to us, and then proceeded to tell me those couples in the church that were pregnant. I went into the study and broke down. I wanted to scream at him for being insensitive, but I don't think he realises how much it hurts to hear that. But I didn't say anything and I didn't let him see me cry, for I felt like a selfish, awful person, for not being happy for those people, I wouldn't wish this on them and it's not their fault they can get pregnant naturally. But boy I felt envious of them and wanted it to be me not them, and all my feelings of anger rose again - why is this happening to us, why? So I thnk I probably do need to go speak to someone. I've been avoiding those people that I know are pregnant, and I don't know how to deal with those feelings.

Anyway, that's my story briefly, or not so briefly

[Leemar]

Hi,

I just want to give you a big hug:hugs:

I too was just like you. My DH and I were trying for 4 years before we went and got tested. We ended up doing ICSI and although it did not work the first time for us we went back 2 wks later and I had 2 of my frozen embies put in and now I have 2 beauitful twin boys. We were told that I had the same chance as you falling pg naturally. Then to our amazment I fell naturally with 1 but later lost it to miscarriage then straight after that I fell again and now have a beauitful little girl. Please I know it is hard but do talk to the people they have at your fertility clinic or talk to the ladies here. There is light at the end of the IVF tunnel and I wish you all the best. Sending you lots of well wishes.

[Janie71]

Welcome! And here are lots of for your lovely little embie.

Everything that you are feeling is perfectly natural. Goodness knows I have felt most of those emotions myself. I do think that having someone to speak to is a great thing, particularly someone who is not emotionally involved (like a counsellor). Do they offer that service at your clinic? I know at Melbourne IVF it is compulsory before you start and then the service is free. It would be worth checking with your clinis.

I wouldn't stress too much about the caffeine, the research on that is still not conclusive. I believe that they say that a cup of coffee a day is fine anyhow.

Well again I wish you a warm welcome and hope that this cycle will bring you a BFP (Big Fat Positive). Try this link for common abbreviations:
https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...onception.html

Janie

[collo04]

Hi there

I know what your going through is unfair and painful. It sucks to see others around you getting all their dreams to come true. I only had 1 embryo in my last cycle all the rest were unsuitable to freeze. I thought I didnt stand a chance but much to my suprise I found I was preggers on monday( Still a little sceptical until I see my levls rise). All the ladies here are just so wonderful and caring and very inspirational. I hope all goes really well for you and you get that Big Fat Poistive you are dreaming of really soon.

[numa]

Hi Incomplete

I just read you story and want to say how much I sympathise with you, and also am wishing you the best of luck for your 2WW Stay hopeful and try to pamper yourself and do things you enjoy. Distraction is good too I think - movies, books etc

I just finished my first IVF cycle last week, unfortunately things turned out worse than I expected. Out of 19 eggs 10 were mature, and of those only 1 fertilised. The rest "failed to bind". Then our one embie stopped growing normally so no transfer at all for us

We started trying about the same time as you - July 2006. Our diagnosis is "unexplained infertility" and now the explanation is that sometimes the eggs and sperm just don't fertilize and the next step is ICSI.

I SOOO know how you feel about hearing of other people's pregnancies. I am struggling with that today as well. In the past month my husband and I have heard news of 3 new pregnancies. Its such a weird feeling, wanting to be happy for them, and that natural happiness for other's wonderful news being overpowered by your own personal grief. Its so hard.

For me its somehow also tinged with a kind of shame, that we can't get pregnant naturally, and that we can't really tell people so its becomes a secret you are trying to hide. Well, we could tell but its not really general conversation material

Take care and best of luck

[Bella30]

Hi incomplete,

I sympathise with your story and wish you the very very very best with your journey.

This is my first IVF too (also started in February).. although I'm only now in the first week of my TWW (two week wait).

I know, the injections and crinone suck. What's worse, you can't tell the difference between the hormones and actually feeling pregnant (especially if you've never been pregnant before). We are definitely in a league of our own - the determination required to have a single, healthy bub, is astronomical.

I've had a long term IVF friend tell me that she has found out SOO much about her self in the past 2 years. She know's her limits and her body in a way that many women will never know. Her drive, focus and determination are also very admirable. She is a legend.. and we are all the same mould.

We've just got to keep our heads up..

Lots of prayers headed your way. Hope to hear from you (or not if you are PG!!).

Bella30