What would you do ...

[Possums]

So, we've just had our third loss in 12 months. I have only one tube left after the ectopic, which is apparently in bad shape, so we did IVF cycles, ending in a miscarriage. Yet while waiting to resume IVF after that miscarriage, I fell pregnant naturally, which was a big surprise to all. We've now lost that baby.

I am having tests done to see if there is a problem and DH and I also need to decide whether to try naturally for a while, or jump straight back into IVF. The natural conception could have been a chance fluke...or it could be a sign things aren't as bad as they thought. DH and I are thinking we'll try naturally for a few cycles then go to IVF.

The risk with trying naturally, is high risk of ectopic in the bad tube, risk of just wasting time and eggs. Whereas IVF gives us a more solid chance.

The risk of going straight to IVF- it's emotionally and physically and financially draining, and maybe we can conceive again all by ourselves.

Just wondering what you would do, or if you have any insights on this I might not have considered. Thanks.

[Baby Dreamtime]

Oh Emma, I am so sorry, I can't even begin to imagine your and DH's pain. This is just so unfair.

What does your FS say about your previous losses? I would hope that they would be justifiably concerned that there may be something going wrong that is not just chance or bad luck. What further tests have they recommended? Have you had all of the immune tests done?

Like you I would be concerned with the chance of another ectopic, and I guess IVF would overcome this obstacle. I know you feel hopefull of natural conception, and it is wonderful that you know this can happen. But wouldn't IVF and possibly further testing of your embies, like PGD (I don't know if your FS is recommending this) reduce the chances a potential loss down the track. IVF would increase the chance that, if one does take, it is the best possible embie.

These are just my thoughts. I don't really know if this helps any, and perhaps my view is skewed by the fact that I have never had a natural BFP in my life. So I don't have that hope of natural conception. I just feel that IVF is a more controlled process.

Again I am so sorry, and I pray that you will get your forever baby, even almost as much as I pray for my own. Big hugs. xx

[Ellie]

Hi Possums
Gosh you and I are so similar it's scarey! I too had a ruptured ectopic and only have one tube which was described by FS as 'dodgy'...but I think I've shared all those details with you before...and I just noticed you have poodles...so do we...not that that has anything to do with TTC...oops but they sure get you through the tough times don't they!? Other than the tube issue are there other reasons for IVF and did you have any support drugs like asprin and progesterone with your last pregnancy? Might be worth investigating? We did IVF for years and always ended in early loss...so when we finally fell naturally after giving up, FS put me on a cartier asprin daily and a progesterone support program...and an early scan to rule out ectopic...only you will know what feels right for you but I encourage you to ask lots of questions and hang in there...I know how hard that is and sometimes others have to have hope for you when you have none yourself...but miracles do happen...just the journey on the way that sux!

[Bengal]

Possums , sorry again for your loss sweetie.

You are still at risk of an eptopic with IVF? As our friend Smithy did, I am sure Smithy had an eptopic on the stub of the tube, when there wasnt even a tube there. (hope you dont mind me talking about your loss smithy xx) I will PM you

I know the thought of having an eptopic is scary for you, an early scan could rule that out.

I am in a simular situation, do we try naturally, or go with IVF. For me, its an age issue, for you at 35, its still an age issue, but not AS urgent. Time fly's though, and if I were you, I would want age on my side.

This is what I have done, and perhaps it may help you make a plan.

CONS PROS
First IVF - big bucks Hit safety Net early in the Year
Expensive treatments Can budget as consecutive treatments will be cheaper,
Hearbreak of negatives A greater chance of getting our dream
Month between cycles Try Naturally in between cycles

OUTCOME: A BFP by the end of the year, as we have been tested for every known possible glitch that could have affected a postitive outcome for us all

[barney]

ANGE.. i do not mind at all hun i actually thank you for remembering what happend to me. it actually happened to missy to if i remember
well possums, as ange has already said i did have my second ectopic in the same tube (the stub as they called it) and that was from ivf actually after having 2 embies put back.from my understanding the chances with ectopic and ivf are quite high,though you wouldnt think so as they are actually putting the embies into the uterus BUT oh well it can happen the clinic will proberbly tell you the chances are low but in fact its very common
i wish you all the luk with what ever you decide to do only you and dh can make the choice..

also my sweet friend im so very sorry for your loss

[Possums]

Thanks so much everyone for your different perspectives.

Smithy- I know I was so sad and frustrated for you when that ectopic happened after IVF, and I do tend to think of IVF reducing the risk by quite a bit, but as you say, it can happen. And I am starting to realise the clinics can put a spin on many things!


to the others, you are right, the controlled aspect of IVF is a big plus for sure.

I need to talk much more to my fertility specialist and also my OB...they have differeng views too! It's just my FS is 3 hours from me and I dont have much to do with them, but will be having the miscarriage testing done through them...not sure yet what tests etc...expect to talk to them this arvo actually.

Thanks again for the support and advice. You ladies are great.

Ellie- and yes, our poodles help me through so much...just their loving little faces and excitement each day whenI come home is enough to lift me up

[Possums]

well, we've had advice from another FS within SIVF, who has said they WOULDN'T just try naturally for six months, but would return more promptly to IVF, since our chances of natural conception remain slim, despite the fact we have proved we can achieve it. She said given my age, and our desire to ultimately have two children, and me only with one damaged tube, the clock is ticking. ...

so another viewpoint!

We are thinking of waiting just 3-4 months and then going to IVF. That will give us a chance to heal and regroup a bit too, and take a holiday etc. I am not ready for IVF right now! I am nowhere near strong enough emotionally.

[Baby Dreamtime]

Hi Possums, it is great to get everyone elses perspectives, but you really have to do what you feel in your heart is best for you and DH. If you need time off, take it and don't feel guilty or like you are wasting time. It will be there waiting for you when you are ready. Wishing you all the best. Hugs,xx

[buliej]

Possums - I don't know the answer as there's no right answer and no wrong answer. You need to be comfortable with your decision and not place unnecessary pressure on yourself. We all also look at things through the prism of our own experience. I am so age-focused that I'd say try naturally for a while...but not too long. I know someone else who was told they'd never get pregnant without IVF because of scar tissue (not ectopic related) ... and she did twice (both with H&H babies) - so I don't think it is pointless for you to spend a few months TTC without IVF. Good luck.

[kittycat27]

hi Possums,
It breaks my heart to read the sad news of you recent loss. i am so sorry.

i don't know what sort of natural healers eg accup, naturapath's are in your area but i would think of seeing one for a more natural approach. especaially if you are looking at trying naturally for a few months.
my DH and i have just froze our last 2 embies for the next 6 months. i am seeing a naturapath now and he has said my liver is not function at 100% and that i am estrogen dominant and low in progesterone. he didn't find this out with blood tests....but with my eyes as he is also an iridologist as well. he said that it is hard to get pregant with all this technology if your body is not working. i have had 4 Xiui's 1 IVf and 1xFET in in the last 2 years and nothing has worked.
i have a daughter who was concieved naturally!!!1
so i am taking wild yam and vitex to control and balance my hormones. as well as other natural tablets for my liver.
so give it a go. it can't hurt and it makes you feel great!
it is also much cheaper then IVF!
hope this helps.
michelle

[farmgirl77]

Possums - it just seems so unfair that you are having to go through this decision making process at all! Ultimatly you and your DH need to do what you feel comfortable with - and reading what you have said so far, it sounds like you need a break for a while. IVF will be there for you when you are ready, if that be in 3 or 6 months - or not at all because you fall pg naturally! I know how hard the waiting is, but take the time, have some other tests done and take it from there.

Wishing you all the best, as I know that your time will come
FG

[Possums]

p.s. meant to add ..thanks for the advice about natural therapies...am seeing a naturopath and also an acupuncturist..trying all avenues!

[Possums]

Hi everyone...just an update...saw Ob today...nothing abnormal with results after the D&C...so am having further blood tests for recurrent miscarriage this week, through my FS.
OB also recommended giving it a go naturally for 3-4 months, then resuming IVF...so that's our plan.
Meanwhile am working with a smoking pregnant lady...gggrrrr

[dusty]

Hun, I hope those tests eliminate some possible problems for you and give you some answers you are looking for.
Been thinking of you
xx

[sammiejam]

((((((((((Possum)))))))))))

I am so sorry to read of your loss. The heartbreak is just unbearable at times - as we all know.

I am a vetern of 3 ruptured ectopics, a hideous nightmare. One of them actually went to somewhere around 3 months with the doc telling me it was a "miracle baby". They thought they could see the egg sack in my womb but it was actually a blood clot... gggrrrrr... this was not in Australia however, I highly doubt that would happen here.

Anyways, I just wanted to add my voice to the rest. Please take care of yourself and do whatever you feel most comfortable with. Dont be afraid to speak up to the FS's and be assertive. I have all my fingers and toes crossed for you and pray that everything goes well.

Sammie

[Possums]

Thanks Dusty and Sammi for the support

Had the blood test today- they took 18 tubes of blood for a range of tests!

[dusty]

Had the blood test today- they took 18 tubes of blood for a range of tests!

wow! hope you weren't feeling light headed

[JBM]

wow possums, do you have any blood left?, thats a lot of blood to take. ouch .
hope you get some answers soon. my heart breaks for you.

sending you some special cyber hugs xxoo