if she does, i'd be honest - you're thrilled for her, but you're not doing so great with your own emotional situation - you want to be there for her, but there will be times when you simply can't be.
be honest - do it on YOUR terms - be there for her when you can, but when it gets too much, step back! through my struggles, i made small changes to my own circumstances to stop me feeling high levels of pain. on bad days, i avoided pg people. on good days, i'd talk to them. i asked at work to not be sat with anyone pg (we has assigned desks that got swapped and changed around). i knew 10 people due within 8 weeks late 07 early 08 - so i had to get myhead around it - i avoided them when i needed to. i only held little babies when i was ok with it...
sending you hugs possums, it's hard but do let her know cause sometimes us women are a bit dumb when it comes to our friends feelings, meaning me. good luck and love to you xxoo
Thanks BG- that's good advice. I am so glad you responsed.
Yes, she knows my issues. She has actually been one of my biggest supports...we first met through yoga and she teaches pregnancy yoga and when I mentioned I hoped I'd be able to join her classes one day, we got talking, and she said she'd had a hard journey trying to fall pregnant and offered to meet me for coffee to talk and our friendship has gone on from there. She did one IVF cycle on her journey too (ended up with a natural pregnancy). So I know she must know how I feel, having been in my shoes herself.
We have another mutual friend, who has been TTC for 3.5 years and just did her first IVF cycle (overstimulated, so no transfer yet).... so we've all sort of been talking about this stuff a lot and they are both a great help as we can be so honest.
I guess I feel like I owe it to her to be strong and be there for her, and to share her joy. I feel like she would be strong enough to do that for me. But I guess, ever since I 've known her, she's had her little boy, and hasn't been in that awful place she was in, and which I am now in.
I also fear how I will cope if our other friend also falls pregnant, when at the same time, I so hope she does, after trying for so long.
I lost a baby at 12 weeks & had 2 friends, one very close, fall pg at the same time.
2 of us were due at the same time, the closer friend 2 weeks later.
It was hard, but it got easier. I still look at her DD 5 years later & think about the one I would've had at that age.
It will get easier, & harder all at the same time, but hopefully you'll have your own little bump soon & she'll have been there already, so she'll be there for advice.
I'm sorry for your loss. I hope things look up soon for you
Last edited by dusty; March 11th, 2009 at 11:07 AM.
It doesnt stop the pain and twinge of jealousy occasionally.
When we lost our bub at the end of first tri, my best friend had just told me she was 5 weeks so we were excited together - but then our baby became an angel - our relationship was strained - until we were honest - I cried with her and told her how excited I was for her, but please nto to think I dont care if at times I can't talk to her about it etc.
Last edited by dusty; March 11th, 2009 at 10:39 AM.
o know im not a LTTTC but i have a close friend who is and coming from the other side of the fence i would say your f riend will completely understand on your bads days and just enjoy the good days i know i did
I simply made a statement to her at the beginning and said
"I no this will be hard for you but i know you are happy for me so here's the deal i will not bring up or talk about my pregnancy unless you prompt me to or ask questions that way i won't upset you on bad days but you won't miss out either."
im sure you friend will understand n you can both be there for each other....its perfectly normal and understandable to have an element of jealousy
Last edited by Smoz; March 11th, 2009 at 11:33 AM.
Please be aware you are posting in the Long term TTC area. It is ok to provide support to those looking for it, but please take care and be sensitive in what you say as many LT women are here because they haven't been able to or are not able to conceive naturally and may not have attained motherhood yet themselves.
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I hope things look up soon for you 
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