I thought long and hard about what to say here because although I always try to be as happy as I can for my friends, I can can honestly say that most of the time I just feel so jealous that it's not me and I don't understand why I have to endure so much and never get a BFP.
The only pregnancies that have not affected me have been my 3 nephews and nieces. Unfortunately I am in a situation now where I am abou the only one left out of all my friends that does not have a baby. It HURTS all the time. I really don't think there is any right or wrong way to feel about the situation and I have learned to stop beating myself up about feeling jealous.
The saddest thing is that I feel I have become very numb around babies these days and when I do muster the strength to visit a friend with a baby I usually have no desire to hold it or even acknowledge it most of the time. God i hope I am not sounding like an emotionless cow.
I suppose we all deal with situations the best way we can and probably the most important thing is to remember that what we are all going through is probably one of the hardest things you will ever deal with in life and i am certain it does make us stronger.
Sorry for the ramble, I probably haven't helped much but it did fell good to let some of this out!!!
all your words really do help! even just knowing i am not a terrible person for feeling jealous. Mollygirl, feeling a bit numb is just a way of protecting your heart i think, you shut off from it a bit, because you just have to.
you ladies really have helped me so many times
I saw my friend (and the other friend who has been LTTTC/IVF etc) again yesterday and I just sort of tried to cruise through it, but when she spoke of her excitment etc with seeing the two lines on the test and felt the twist of pain. It wasnt so long ago i felt what she is feeling, yet once again it was robbed from me. So woe is me i guess I cried on an off much of the day yesterday....i think I am perhaps suffering bad PMT too! Her little boy was with us yesterday too, and he is so gorgeous, and I just felt that intense longing, that whole "i want one!!" feeling.
I will take your advice, and be there when I can, and pull away when it's too much and not beat myself up about it!
Thanks again.
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I cried on an off much of the day yesterday....i think I am perhaps suffering bad PMT too! Her little boy was with us yesterday too, and he is so gorgeous, and I just felt that intense longing, that whole "i want one!!" feeling.
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