Returning back to work :-(

[Ngala]

Well, after changing my mind soooo many times, too many to even count!! I am returning back to work. DH and I dont want me to return back to work, but I said at the beginning of my maternity leave that if finances are real bad, I'll have no choice and will need to go back to work. I could be going back in a matter of weeks, even tho I still have a month and a bit to go, but thats not really long is it!!

I know that I am not the first mum to go back to work, but I dont know how I am going to handle it! How do you go from being a SAHM to being a working mum??!! I am hoping to go back to work part time and would love to only have to go in 3 days a week and work 9am - 2pm.. not sure if that is going to happen but it would be great!! Also, it would be great if my MIL would look after DD on the days I go in to work - something I need to discuss with her..

So really what I want to know is how YOU found it returning back to work, whether it was said from the beginning that you ARE returning to work or if you were in the same situation as me (not wanting to go back but have to). How did you manage to juggle work life and family life - in particular all the house chores!!! I know that DH wont be helping me much around the house when I go back because his work is so physically demanding that by the time he gets home, he just wants to crash!

I'm going to find it so very hard to leave my DD. I love being at home with her, but if I can leave her with MIL, then I would feel a little bit better about needing to go to work. Not sure how I will feel if DD does need to go to daycare...

[lilima]

I HATED going back to work, and honestly it has only been the past month or so that I have been alright about it. I work 3 days a week 10am to 4pm. J is in childcare one day a week and the other 2 days he is either with his dad or with my mum.

At first it is TERRIBLE. I felt horrible about leaving J. But now I know that he is alright and he is happy with the people that he is left with, I am feeling better about it.

You do manage to get the housework done, you just do more loads of washing on one day etc.

Good luck.

[saslia]

I had to return to work for the same reason with DD....DH had long service leave so he stayed home when she was about 7 months for 2 1/2 months while I worked and the next year she went to daycare...she was about 10 1/2 months.

I HATED doing it but we would have lost our house had I not worked. She was a surprise ( I had been told by 4 drs I would never have kids) and we had used all our savings to build our house which was finished the same week she was born!!!

I would loved to have had someone I know look after her like you can but DH has no family and mine live too far away.

Interesting to note that DD is now 7 and still talks about the stuff she did at DC ( she hasn't been for 2 1/2 years)

Good luck

[MantaRay]

V, TBH, it wasn't as bad as I thought. In fact, for me, I found pt work was ideal, giving me and the boys a good balance. I am not liking ft work nearly so much, but even then it isn't actually as bad as I was expecting. I'd still prefer to go back to pt, but seeing as I can't, at least this arrangement is working ok for us all atm.

The boys have 2 days in day care and 3 days at home with the PILs looking after them. I think there are pros and cons to both, but they love their day care days and I think it's been really good for them, so I wouldn't change that.

[DoubleK]

ive been back at work for just over a month now, and im really loving it! i work Wed, Thurs & Fri nights 4-9pm, then Sundays 12-9pm.

we never really talked about me going back, but this job came up in the main street of the town i live in, which is ideal. dp gets home by 3.30pm, and i dont have to leave til 3.55.

at first i was so tired, and so worried about how dd was going to go without me there, and how dp would handle being home alone with her till 9 (he leaves for work @ 5am) but its worked out great. we're slowly getting into a routine, i have a mental note in my head what i HAVE to have done before i leave for work (15 min tidy up of the house- i usually do this twice a day. and also a load of washing done and hung up, and dishes done) otherwise i get bogged down in dirty dishes and clothes, and i feel all frazzled when i leave for work!

ive found dd enjoys the time with her dad, and it gives us a break from each other(which i COULD live without, but i think all mummies need a break every now and then!)

i do our grocery shopping friday mornings, i make sure we're back by at least 2pm. and i use mondays & tuesdays to catch up with our play group or go to the shops, and i visit my parents on a saturday after lunch!

having a routine helps a lot, that way you know what needs to be done when (eg.washing clothes everyday suits me, but some people might wash every second day) and you can plan ahead without worrying too much.

good luck with it!!

[Willow]

V, like MantaRay, I found it not as bad as I was expecting. I'm lucky and financially I only have to work 2 days a week. We could get by with me being at home full time, but we certainly wouldn't be as comfortable. We are also able to leave DS with MIL (if I stop being so stubborn and agonising over it, but that's another post ) so it makes sense for us to take advantage of that while we can. I don't really want to go back, but I know that once I get back in the swing of it, it'll make life a lot easier. And while you never think you'll feel that way, it actually does make you appreicate the time you have to yourself (even if you are working!) and especially the time you have with bub. It can be a nice balance. Having said that, I can't see me returning to full time work until they're both at school, I hope we never find ourselves in the financial situation where that would be necessary - I admire all those mums that do it.

WRT House work etc, you'll just sort it out, you'll both find a new rhythm....

[Willow]

OK, this double posting is driving me NUTS! Sorry guys...

[MrsFabuloso]

I really didn't want to return to work, but had to especially when I found out I was pg again. oTHERWISE, I would have taken another 6mths as we could have just made it. I still don't enjoy work and the place I was sent to I really don't like. DD stays with my mum or DH depending on his work days. Being an early childhood teacher is really draining and I don't have much energy left for DD when I get home. I only work 2-3 days a week, but I'm buggered by the and of the day, and especially if I have to do consecutive days. My mum complains DD is so active, unlike her children, even though she was more than willing to do it in the begining. And her house isn't very child friendly. It makes it hard cause I feel guilty for leaving her in the ifrst place, even with DH, and especially with mum whinging about it. Next year I will probably have to return full time or at least 4days. I don't know how I will do it. And the kids will be going into childcare. So I have to work (in childcare!) to pay for childcare and come out the end of the week with maybe an extra $150. Unless I can get a higher paying job somewhere else...It seems so useless, but it is necessary and we would have to sell up and rent if I don't do it. Some things have to be done.....

[MamaPan]

i am back at work and i am enjoying it. at the moment i work 3 days per week (mon-wed) and that balance works well for all of us. the $$ def helps us but i am also career driven and so it was important for me to go back... i guess we all do it for diff reasons. over the next month or so i will prob go up to 4 days and perhaps full time a few months later.
at the moment i like the balance i have, DS is in FDC which works beautifully for us and he has adjusted so well to it - he loves his FDC 'mum' and she is a great support to us as well (our family isnt here). i personally doint think i woujld have liked the fam to look after him if we were in melb as i prefer not to have the 'guilt' and for them to see him purely as leisure time - but that is our situation not yours.
i think once you adjust tp it you may like it esp if tyou are part time. for me it felt like mat leave was not 'reality' and this is more of an adjustment to the next phase of our life so i like that. i like DS being around other kids regularly too. my dh has managed to go dowen to 4 days per week so we have a 3 day weekend each week which is wonderful - my working allows us that freedom.
it has worked best for us to have consecutiove days - less disruptive for DS. I did trail a creche that wasnt for us (he was too young) but also it was 1` day per week and i think this was harder for him bc it was not consistent. if you do that i would recopmmend 2 days at least and in a row if you can.

good luck! we all make the choices and decisions that are best for us.

ps sorry abt spelling, i am typing quickly at work so no time to fix it!!!

[*EJ*]

During pregnancy i always thought i'd go back to work sooner or later but when it came down to it and once my maternity leave had finished i just couldn't do it. I couldn't bare the thought of leaving DS, i thought i was depriving him of me by going back to work and i didn't want to miss a single first of anything. So i took leave without pay after maternity leave.

But then things started to get a bit difficult and instead of DS keeping me up at night finances were keeping me up, we were struggling on one wage. So at 8 months of age i made a quick decision that it just had to be done. I called my work and asked if i could come back and within 2 weeks i'd started working.

I work 2 days a week, day 1 DS is with my cousin and day 2 he is in FDC. I think in the end it was more difficult for myself than my DS, he is a happy little boy and never really had any seperation anxiety issues so leaving him has pretty much always been a tear free moment. So once i could see that things got better, i love my job and knowing that he was happy and well cared for while i was at work made a huge difference in knowing and realising that what i was doing was ok. I wasn't being a bad mother and i didn't have to feel guilty about working.

I never had the "i need to get out of the house, i need adult interaction" thoughts, i love being at home with my son so much. Every day together is special and his days in care are just as special becuase he is still learning new things, learning some independance and playing with other childern. I do look at all of this (working and day care) as a positive for our family.

The whole looking after the house issue can get difficult but if you keep on top of it you manage, on my Mon & Tue i just have to be super organised and have lunchs and dinners pre-made.

Returning to work can be a positive, don't beat yourself up about it too much, give it a go and if it doesn't work out and you don't see it being a good thing for your family then you can always re-access.

Good luck, i hope it works out for you

[fionas]

I'll let you know in a few weeks as I'll be going back to a 5-day fortnight.

Financially we will be considerably better off (even after childcare expenses) but that's not really why I'm doing it.

At the moment, I feel like I take a lot of my time with DD for granted, rather than providing her with as many activities/outings/play as I could. I think I would make more of an effort to do all those things if my time with her was more precious, which it will be.

So I've got no advice for you unfortunately about how you will feel - just that I'm anticipating the time I get to spend with DD to be very much more appreciated by me, and maybe you will feel the same way too.

But I will have to remember to take a big box of tissues with me on the first day back because I'm sure going to need them.

[Nai]

Veronica, it is very hard especially when you don't want to go back! I found that the first 3 months were very difficult while dealing with the guilt, missing my DD, trying to keep on top of everything.

However, 18 months down the track and I can't imaging being at home full time. I love working, enjoy my job and the variety I get. Financially we need me to work to keep our house so that's a bonus too. DD adores childcare and my mum looks after her 1 day a week. She has made such good friends and is very secure and feels loved by her carers to the point she said to me yesterday "Norma (her CC carer) loves me"

Be prepared that you will have a bit of amess around the house until you work out a new routine... but you will do it!!

[DisGirl]

I hated it. I returned full time in April and dreaded it so much I had nightmares for weeks before I came back. Added into my problems was a 3hr+commute every day though, without that it wouldn't have been so bad.

After a week it wasn't as bad - now I find I don't miss DS as much (he's at my mum's) but I still hate the commute and don't really like my job much. Luckily for me, I'll be back on maternity leave at the end of November (as planned), so I have an end to look forward to!

We needed to do this for financial reasons - we wouldn't be on the bread line if I didn't return to work, but in the long run we will benefit but at least one of us being able to work part-time or not at all.

Having your DD with family will probably help the transition. I don't know how I would have gone if I had to put DS into childcare - I'm not ready for that yet!!!

[Muffy]

i hated the thought of going back to work
but when i was there it was like ME time..... although i did miss my son it was a chance for me to be an adult again.

[onlyone]

ya for working mothers

I went back full time after 3 months at home, it was just what I was used to doing
never feel guilty

[Ngala]

Well I am back to work on Monday!! I am working for a new company and its a new position and I am looking forward to it (I think!).

I think it will do me good and DD good as I was getting frustrated very easily at home and all DD did was follow me around all day long. So she is going to be happy playing with other kids, and I'll be happy playing with the big kids and making money! LOL Well atleast I hope so!!

Wish me luck for my first day back.. its going to be strange after having 12 months off!!

[MamaPan]

good luck! i hope you love it! it will def take some adjusting but i bet in a few months you are really happy with this new 'normal'.

[Kazbah]

good luck V!

are you going back f/t or p/t?

some advice I have is to do with my experience, returning to f/t work

* if at all possible, get someone to help with cleaning @ home
* expect the first 2-3 weeks to be hunky-dory and you're supermum. It took me that long to lose control @ home.
* find a hobby! you need a release from work stresses & home stresses. (and not the gym - do something different, like craft classes)


Well done, good luck, and don't stress yourself about being super-mum.