During pregnancy i always thought i'd go back to work sooner or later but when it came down to it and once my maternity leave had finished i just couldn't do it. I couldn't bare the thought of leaving DS, i thought i was depriving him of me by going back to work and i didn't want to miss a single first of anything. So i took leave without pay after maternity leave.

But then things started to get a bit difficult and instead of DS keeping me up at night finances were keeping me up, we were struggling on one wage. So at 8 months of age i made a quick decision that it just had to be done. I called my work and asked if i could come back and within 2 weeks i'd started working.

I work 2 days a week, day 1 DS is with my cousin and day 2 he is in FDC. I think in the end it was more difficult for myself than my DS, he is a happy little boy and never really had any seperation anxiety issues so leaving him has pretty much always been a tear free moment. So once i could see that things got better, i love my job and knowing that he was happy and well cared for while i was at work made a huge difference in knowing and realising that what i was doing was ok. I wasn't being a bad mother and i didn't have to feel guilty about working.

I never had the "i need to get out of the house, i need adult interaction" thoughts, i love being at home with my son so much. Every day together is special and his days in care are just as special becuase he is still learning new things, learning some independance and playing with other childern. I do look at all of this (working and day care) as a positive for our family.

The whole looking after the house issue can get difficult but if you keep on top of it you manage, on my Mon & Tue i just have to be super organised and have lunchs and dinners pre-made.

Returning to work can be a positive, don't beat yourself up about it too much, give it a go and if it doesn't work out and you don't see it being a good thing for your family then you can always re-access.

Good luck, i hope it works out for you