Wow you've all given me a lot to think about. Thank you so much for your replies and your honesty, I really appreciate the time and thought that you've put into your advice. Everything that everyone says makes sense.

I guess I just wander if things will happen if they're meant to be or if we should try and make them happen - or if we try and we're not supposed to willl that make it not happen?

I feel really superficial becasue the thing i've askd for seems to have paled in the wake of the bad news that I found out after I asked...but I still want it. I feel like I should be asking for a way out of this mess but i'm not, i'm asking for something else that isn't anywhere near as important.

Wow, the ramblings of a confused woman lol!