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Thread: Am I heartless?

  1. #1

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    Default Am I heartless?

    I was just wondering if this has happened to anyone else and how they felt about it.
    I have just given birth to Vyolett in september and after only 1 woopsie was pg again. I did a home test etc and it came up negative. I start what I thought was my AF on the monday but it was weak and I thought nothing of the cramping I was having until the friday when it was that bad I was doubling over and I was bleeding that bad I was a filling a pad in 10mins. My baby didn't pass until sunday morning which was later confirmed and I was told I had a 'complete' abortion (WHAT THE) no need for a QV or anything, I could go home.
    NOw my question is...is it normal not to feel sad about this? I actually feel relieved about the whole situation and terrible that I feel this way at the same time. Jed and I have made a joint decision not to tell his family or many people. Only those who helped us know eg my parents and 2 close friends. Before hand Jed and I said that 3 is enough and now those words dont even come out of our mouths anymore.
    Am I heartless? Please help me to understand what the hell is going on in my head.
    xxmaz


  2. #2

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    Thanks again guys
    xxmaz

  3. #3

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    Oh Maz you are one of the sweetest ladies I know. You are definitely NOT heartless - the opposite in fact.

  4. #4

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    No sweety your not heartless at all. Its not like you were ttc and then didnít care whether you lost bubs or not, and you didnít know you were pg either so it not like you had those happy moments about being pg and then they were taken from you IYKWIM?

    Donít feel bad for not feeling the loss as some might as your circumstances might be different to others. I think the Ďreliefí you feel is because the decision about having another baby was taken out of your hands. But I know in your heart you will remember this bub always - I see it has made it to your sig

    Take care
    Lisa

  5. #5

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    Maz~ Please don't beat yourself up about not feeling bad. I think you have your hands more than full at the moment. I can totally understand where you are coming from. DH and I weren't very careful last month and I was so relieved when my period came! The day it came I was straight to the GP for a new pill script that's for sure!!!
    Big hugs

  6. #6

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    Maz, dont feel bad honey......
    Your not heartless at all...

    Hugs to you & yours!

  7. #7

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    Oh Maz,

    I think it's completely natural for you to feel relieved if you weren't trying and already have so much on your plate. And like Lisa said, it's not like you knew you were pg. By the time you knew, it was already over.

    I agree, don't beat yourself up, my sweet. The fact that you're feeling guilty for not being sad shows me what a soft-hearted person you really are!

  8. #8

    Default

    I agree Maz - if you were heartless you wouldn't feel guilty for not being sad. Maybe your just not sure what your feelings are, but you are obviously feeling "something".

    Mel

  9. #9

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    I really cant thank you all enough. I was sitting here thinking I was going to get eggs thrown at me and all you guys have done is offered big warm fuzzy hugs and words of kidness and $hit now Im crying.
    Thanks all so much again, I feel so much better now
    xxmaz

  10. #10

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    Max, you are not heartless hun... guilt is such a wasted emotion. Not knowing you were pregnant in the first place means that the shock finding out that you were pregnant at the same time as the shock of a m/c must be a really confusing thing. Take care sweets:hugs:

  11. #11

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    Maz - Heartless is a word that doesn't even enter my mind when I think of you honey. I think you are a very compassionate & caring & loving & understanding person.

    Love Jayne xox

  12. #12

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    Maz please don't beat yourself up over how you are feeling.

  13. #13

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    Hi Maz,
    i have just read your post and I want to say I don't think your heartless at all, and my thoughts are with you. In regards to your comment ' I was told I had a 'complete' abortion (WHAT THE)'. In Jan when I was having a m/c I went to see a Dr as I wasn't sure at the time, and told me to go home as I was having an abortion. This comment made feel like absolute s#*t, As if I wasn't feeling bad enought already. I made a complaint about it, and was told that abortion is the 'technical term' for a m/c. It didn't make me feel any better though.
    I hope you are getting along OK
    Cheers
    B-J

  14. #14

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    I cant thank you girls enough for all your kind words. Jed and I have sat down (last night actually) and had a really good chat about everything. Before the m/c Jed was going to get the snip by hock or by crock. We have now decided not to and to wait and see if we are really 'finished' having any more babies. Im just going to go on the pill for time being and we said we'll see how we feel by the end of next year. I still dont feel sadened about what happened but is has quiet obviously effected us both more than we expected it too. Who knows we may end up with a footy team yet. lol.
    So for now, we're looking towards getting the family happy and organised and you never know, Vyolett may end uyp being a big sister yet.
    thanks so much again everyone, big warm fuzzy hugs and may I be the first to wish you all a merry christmas.
    xxmaz

  15. #15

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    Maz - i have had the same thing happen recently, and i felt the same way. We are not heartless, just trying to concentrate on the little souls that grace our lives every day already. huge to you
    Last edited by simone; November 24th, 2006 at 07:57 PM.

  16. #16
    kirsty Guest

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    Maz I am sorry that you feel you are heartless by the situation you have just been through. You most definetely aren't heartless, you can't blame yourself for something you weren't even aware was going on at the time. You may find somewhere down the track you may have some different feelings about it all & that is fine, it also may not play on your mind much being a busy mum with a newborn bubs around & that is fine too.

    You have to do what is right for you & your family & that doesn't mean you are in any way heartless.

    Big hugs to you sweetie.

  17. #17

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    Hi Maz
    I think everything happens for a reason. Perhaps it was not time for this baby but this baby's purpose was to get you to think about whether or not to have more children or not before Jed got the snip?
    Thinking you are heartless shows you are the opposite, heartless people dont think they are heartless.
    from Kelly.

  18. #18
    confusedegg Guest

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    HI Maz, you are not heartless, to me you are just in shock of the fact you fell preg unexpected and then lost it suddenly and definately wasnt prepared for it and felt bad for having the feelings you had. Considering you had some guilt and therefore had some feeling and the bubs made it to your ticker, definately says you not heartless. Please dont beat yourself up anymore, take care of you.
    Last edited by confusedegg; November 27th, 2006 at 05:49 AM.

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