Hey guys,

Sarah - I'm thinking of you today. It must be very hard to reach such a significant milestone, and sadly there seem to be so many of them. I know that when my Dad died, I used to get really upset every Thursday - because that was the day of the week that he died. It used to make me so anxious and I'd find myself wondering what was going to happen to other people in my family, i.e. who was next? Sounds horrible doesn't it. Any milestone is significant and it's ok to feel extra down on those days. In fact, there are sooo many moments when I miss loved ones (sadly I've lost a few) and it really hurts and sometimes I worry how on earth I will get through the day without them, but somehow I do. I also try to tell myself that by me remembering them and allowing myself to cry, that it is a mark of respect, i.e. it's proof of just how much I loved and adored them, and there's no shame in that. I also think the rainbows are a beautiful sign - if you feel in your heart it was a sign to you, then that's how you should look upon it.

Becc - nope, it certainly doesn't sound like a pity party lamb chop! Everything you said in your post were feelings that I had too and it really made me so angry. Why on earth had this happened to ME? What had I done to deserve this? Anger is very much a part of grieving, so try to see it as a good sign, i.e. that you are moving through different phases of your grief. I think I said before that going through grief is really awful and there are so many different emotions to contend with, and this is just one of them. I've had a few meltdowns in my time thanks to seeing PG women and women with prams etc (and I mean I've had the odd meltdown in public places, although largely in the car or when I've come home from being out), so I do understand how it feels like it's being rubbed in your face. I used to try and tell myself that I didn't know these women or what they had been through in their lives and that they may have had as rough a journey as me, or quite possibly even worse, but even that didn't help me a lot of the time. I guess I was trying to rationalise the situation when I felt quite irrational IYKWIM?!?! LOL So as much as I know what I was trying to tell myself was right, i.e. how could I know what these women had been through to have their babies, I still felt ripped off and like they were walking past me deliberately, like they somehow knew what had happened to me (of course they couldn't, but YKWIM).

OK...waffled for enough me thinks....take care me lovelies.