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Thread: Can't believe it

  1. #19
    pukeko Guest

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    Hey Wheatie

    If it makes you feel any better, wondering if they got it wrong isnt irrational at all. Either that or being irrational is part of the whole shock thing.

    When they first told me there was no heartbeat, the sonographer then went about checking ovaries and other stuff...and I was sure when she got back to the bub I was SURE she was going to say "ooops, I was wrong, there's the heartbeat afterall".



    Then in the day leading up to the D&C I literally got all panicky about they'd got it wrong that I asked my Ob to re-check just before doing the procedure. Plus I asked the lady admitting me at the day surgery "do they double check????"....

    Then I did this weird bargaining thing that they must have got it wrong as I was still feeling morning sickness etc....

    Basically what I'm saying is nothing about this experience is what you expected to happen, therefore nothing you think or feel is irrational and is completely understandable no matter how out-there you think it is. If you think no one in your real life is understanding what you are going through, just pop in here to the ladies who are only too familiar with the pain, shock, heartbreak and downright PG hormonal body and mind altering episodes!

    Best of luck with your D&C...it's the road to recovery.

  2. #20

    Join Date
    Feb 2004
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    Melbourne
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    Awww Soph, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. There is nothing more I can really say at this time, other than you and DH are in our thoughts at the moment.

  3. #21
    Debbie Lee Guest

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    Soph I am so sorry..... don't know what else to day.
    My thoughts are with you and you DH at this terrible time. :hugs:

  4. #22

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    Wheatie,

    Like everyone else, I am so sorry to hear of your sad news. I also know from experience the heartache you feel. It is interesting that your mum doesn't know of this happening to anyone else, but rest assured, it happens to too many of us. After my first miscarriage, I suddenly 'found' all these women that had been through the same thing. In fact, I think that everyone I spokje to had ether been through it themselve, or at least knoew a sister, mother, wife, SIL etc that had been through it. It is very common. Too common.

    I'm glad that you asked for some testing to be done. I have miscarried 6 times now and in the first 2, because they were done in our country town hospital, they didn't bother sending the "products of conception" away for genetic testing. But in my most recent miscarriage (about 2 months ago) my OB (Nick Lolatgis) did get the tissue tested. I have an appointment to see him on the 16th to discuss the results.

    Nothing can prepare you for what you have just been through either. Until it happened to me, I always thought that going for an ultrasound would be the most exciting bit - seeing the baby for the first time. It's like a kick in the guts when you hear the fateful words of the sonographer "I'm sorry...."

    Hearing your story was just like reliving it again, and you will find so much support from all of us here. It was only just prior to my last m/c that I found this site, and I wish that I had the support from all the girls for all the other times I miscarried or had failed IVF.

    Cry all you like and don't feel "silly" or wrong for doing so. It is your body's and mind's way of healing.

    Best wishes

    Hayseed

  5. #23

    Join Date
    May 2004
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    Geelong
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    Thanks again everyone.
    Well another day. Honestly I think I can say that today is a little better. Might not stay that way, but so far I am feeling ok. I just really want tomorrow to be over. Thankfully I am up first thing so this time tomorrow it should be over. Then we can just look forward again. DH and I have decided that we both want to start trying straight away again. The ob said that it would be fine too. Guess my cycle will probably be all out of whack but we will just wait and see what happens.
    I am sorry that my story relives alot of pain for other people too. Pukeko you are so right though, the best help is speaking to people who have experience this themselves. My mum and sister who are both interstate keep asking if I want them to come and visit. To be honest at the moment I really don't want them too. Although I know that they are sad too, they don't really know how it feels and I know that both of them find it hard to know what to say.
    Tomorrow will be tough and Friday probably more so. But I really think that looking forward is what we all need to do.
    I'm going to start joining you girls in TTC after miscarriage and loss forum. Your support has meant so much to both of us.

  6. #24

    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    WA
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    Dear Sophie and Nikki,

    Big Hugs to both of you, im so sorry for the loss of your precious babies.

    I hope that by sharing some of my exeriences it helps you to feel not so alone in this experience.

    Losing my baby was definately the hardest thing that i have ever had to face in my life and i wondered how on earth i would ever get through it and be a normal person again after such a tragic thing had happened how could i just be me again. I truly think that the experiences changes you as a person forever, for me it really put into perspective what life is all about and i was very frustrated when after 6 weeks i ventured back into the normal world of work to hear people complaining about life's general inconveniences it just made no sense, how people could just carry on when i had lost my baby.

    I found that people around me while very sad for my hubby and me didnt really understand what happened to us on the day we lost Katelyn and i think that they never will. They didnt know what to say and some have been quite insensitive or just ignored us. People dont seem to understand that another baby is not the be all and end all answer to making you feel better, it will just take time. I surrounded myself with support from day one of losing her and that is so important. It took me so long to be able to talk to anyone again and 5 months later even though i am over 12 weeks pregnant again i still find it hard living without my daughter.

    Please understand that the pain will soften with time, it wont feel so raw but it will always remain. For me i try to remember the happiness that i had in the 18 weeks i was pregnant with Katelyn and focus on the good memories and what she taught us about life. I am so proud to have been her mother even if it was only for such a short time.

    Post here as much as you need to, if you look at my story you will see that i have posted so many messages about my feelings about Katelyn. It is also ok to cry you heart out and scream and be angry if this is what feels right at the time. Dont try to look too far ahead just take each hour as it comes and understand that no matter what you feel that it is totally normal. There will be up and down times. No one can tell you how you should feel it is such an individual thing. You will go through a huge range of emotions but you will get through this.

    I will never stop loving, missing and grieving for the loss of my precious Katelyn but as the time goes by i am getting to be more at peace with her memory, facing the greiving process is very tough and it is hard to get through but just go easy on yourself and allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you feel.

    Remember you are not alone here and everyone on this site is here for you and supports you 100%.

    I will be thinking of you both especially on Thursday.

    Love Sarah

  7. #25

    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Central Coast, NSW
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    HI Wheatie and Nicki,

    I am sorry for your loss. The wonderful women here really are a help in getting through things and understanding your emotions as you work through it. Big :hugs:

  8. #26

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    Soph and Nikki,

    I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I don't know what to say except I am thinking of you both and will be thinking of you on Thursday. :hugs:

    Nic

  9. #27

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    Soph I am so sorry sweety. Sorry for taking so long to reply to this post but I was so upset when I read it yesterday I was totally lost for words. My thoughts are with you and DH.

    Hugs

    Kayla

  10. #28

    Join Date
    Mar 2004
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    Hobart, Tasmania
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    Soph... I will be thinking of you tomorrow. Wishing you all the best....if there is any "best"

    If you're up to it, take a look in the tests for recurrent m/c. I know you haven't had recurrent m/c (hope to god you never do), but there might be some tests other than genetic ones that your OB can do to rule out any problems. I don't think any woman should have to go through 2 or more m/c to find some answers. Just a suggestion, sorry if it's a bit much to cope with at the moment.

  11. #29

    Join Date
    Aug 2003
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    Melbourne, Australia
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    Soph I'm so sorry for your loss. My thoughts will be with you tomorrow. I also had a D&C. I found the day after more diffucult then the actual day. Take your time to grieve and come to terms with what has happened.

    But, please keep up with those positive thoughts. By not giving up and looking forward to TTC again, will help some what with the grief. But do take your time.

    Do pop in the TTC after M/C forum. The girls are great in there.

  12. #30
    Melinda Guest

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    Wheatie,

    I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I'm thinking of you and sending you big cyber hugs.

    I've suffered 2 m/c's myself and I know just how painful this time is for you right now. I suffered a missed m/c with my first, and a natural m/c with my 2nd and you really don't think that life could be any crueler than suffering a m/c.

    As many of the others have said, make sure that you take the time to grieve for your little one. It's such a hard road to travel and it will be difficult for a long time, but in time, you somehow learn to cope.... it's not easy, but you do find a way. When you feel ready, you might even like to think about a special way to remember your little one. I bought a special plant, wrote a poem and a special letter and bought some special angel christmas decorations for our christmas tree so that they are both remembered as part of our family each year. I also put the poem and letter in a special keepsake box together with a little teddy bear that I had bought. These things really helped me come to terms with what had happened. These are just some suggestions, and you should do something if and when you feel up to it, and something you feel comfortable with.

    Thinking of you Wheatie....

  13. #31

    Join Date
    May 2004
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    Busselton , WA
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    Wheatie & Nikki,

    I cant believe it. I am in shock that this has happened to you both. Being a part of your joy when you announced your pregnancies has made me feel like I felt when my SIL lost her baby. Its very upsetting and I can only hope that you are both ok. I just told DF and even he is in shock.
    We both wish you all the hugs and love in the world. Please pass our feelings on to your DH's too.

    Lots of love & Hugs at this difficult time
    Rowen & Kel & Mia

  14. #32

    Join Date
    Nov 2003
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    Oh Soph, I'm so, so sorry to hear about the loss of your baby. Huge hugs to you and your DH. It's such a devastating thing to go through. Take care Soph.

    Thinking of you.

  15. #33

    Join Date
    Feb 2004
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    Melbourne
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    Soph and Nikki,

    I am so sorry that my thoughts are belated, I am sooo sorry for your loss. I know that words can't help you much right now but please take care of yourselves and that we are here if you need us.

    Nell

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