Nae Nae,big s coming your way Hun,I totally understand how you feel,most of my family & DH`s family just don`t like to talk about what happened,Shame! I hope they don`t go through anything like we have in their life time. Hope you get through Chrissy Hun,I`ll be thinking of you & other`s who have been through so much heart ache.Susan.
I just posted a new thread ( so I thought ....) and then I came across your new one and it's almost a carbon copy of yours !!
I'm just so lost in this website, I think I'm posting in the right spot but I don't think I am...
Anyway, wanted to tell you I feel just like you about xmas coming up, and I'm sending you a big hug . I know it really sucks to feel this way, but I think this is all part of our grieving still for our little one.
I seem to be seeing prego women everywhere, and I mean, EVERYWHERE, so I really dont know where I'm gonna do my xmas shopping....by the way, I haven't started yet..
I'm getting very emotional ATM because my due date hasn't arrived yet, and sometimes I still feel pregnant. With my big fibroid, I actually look 6 months pregnant, and when the pregnant women give me that knowing smile, I feel like shouting to them 'I wish I was pregnant like you !'.
Anyway hun, don't do anything you don't want to and have as big or little xmas as you want to. And don't feel guilty that you don't feel like celebrating like the rest of your family. They're not going through the grief like you.
Bib big hugs to you, thinking of you at this crappy time.
Beata70, I read your post about your little one and am soo sorry As you are on the same learning curve as I am and I know how difficult it can be when everything is still so raw and you still have some "firsts" to come, I'd just like to say that if you can (and believe me some days its easier than others) find one thing to be grateful for and write it down on a piece of paper or in a diary. Its amazing how even on the worst day there is always something that will bring a smile to your face.
Susan - thanks so much hun, seems I am having a bad week this week just one blow after another but I know I will get through it, I always do. I am so sorry for the loss of your son. I guess in someways people may not want to talk about him for various reasons a) its upsetting for them because they miss him and may feel like they are upsetting you and your family if they do, b) may not know how to bring him up in conversation.
I make sure when I am talking to people that I mention Nikita's name in the hope that they realise that if I am talking about her then its ok to talk about her. I know its a bit different as she really wasn't alive for very long compared to your son. I also make sure I tell people that they can't possibly make me upset and that I cry anyway and not to feel bad if I cry when I talk to them.... YKWIM??
On a positive note.
When I was going to the shower this morning (we have our shower in the outside bathroom) I glanced over to Niki's memorial garden and noticed and brilliant red and sunny yellow lilly had finally blossomed. they are the cheeriest blooms I now wished I had planted more of them. maybe I can pop some more in next year for Niki's birthday.
Thanks for your advice, I think I'll need to do as you say as I thought I was doing OK. In the support group that I go to all the girls said that they were dreading xmas, and I thought at that time, oh I'll be OK....Well it's a lot harder than I thought but my partner Alan just loves xmas so I'll make an effort for his sake.
I think seeing the palnt bloom at your little angel Niki's memorial garden is so lovely, it's like she's saying 'Hello !'.
Susan, I'm so sorry for the loss of your son Brendan. I think it's awful when your own family avoids talking about what's happened. Like Nae Nae said sometimes people don't know what to say or are afraid to start a conversation about a baby/child that passed away, but in my case I talk about Joshua often, and it forces poeple to acknowledge him and then they don't feel so uncomfortable because I started the convesation. It's just such a shame that I always have to start it first....
Hello Nae Nae & Beata, I will always talk about my Son Brendan,but if the people around me don`t like it,well too bad for them.You can`t erase your childs memories,your flesh & blood that you loved with every inch of your heart & soul.I know how it might feel uncomfortable,but in my case neither me or my hubbies family offered us support when we needed it the most,& those things i will never forget either. I?m feeling a bit down today too,just getting the Chrissy shopping done for the other children makes it hard as i feel i have always foregotten Brendan.Sounds silly to some but i always buy him a small gift & place it under our tree for him,and visit the cemetary sometime during xmas day.
Nae Nae- What a wonderful suprise,to see a lovely flower in your special garden,it`s probably meant to add some cheer to your life. I truely believe in our loved ones trying to make contact with us after thet have passed. We have feather`s left around our house & car,how does anyone explain that to us?
Sending cheerful wishes your way, ladies, hope next year will bring us some happiness.
Susan - I don't know if you have the room - you could plant something in Brendans memory and every year add something around it. Niki's actual memorial plant is a newish species of magnolia called "Vulcan" it has hot pink flowers but is a slow growing tree.
Its funny hpow disappointing the lack of support can be especially from those you are closest too. I think I would forever hold a grudge, kinda do towards mum but thats a whole other story.
I would also take the feathers as a sign you have been visited and think thats very special.
I have very strong dreams occasionally and thats when Niki visits
Beata - I am sure your partner Alan will be understanding if you don't feel up to such an effort this year - maybe he doesn't want to either?
I hate when sometimes people get funny when I talk about Joshua, it's like they start to dissolve at a mere mention of his name....What a shame people get so funny, I wonder how they would feel if the roles were reversed ( not that I would ever wish that upon anybody ! ).
I never feel funny talking about Joshua because like you said he is my flesh and blood and although he isn't here with me phisically, he's always in my heart and I aways carry him with me where ever I go.
It really is such a shame your family wasn't/isn't more supportive. But I'll tell you something. Sometimes people closest to you don't say anything because they're afraid how you'll react and they don't want to upset you.
When Joshua was born, my mum was ( according to her ) a bigger mess than me. Pleeeeeese. I think she forgot who actually gave birth to an angel. I know she was grieving for a grandson she never got to spoil ( her first grandson, so I do forgive here a little bit ) but after about a month she told me it would be better if I didn' t grieve for Joshua anymore because I might spiral into depression....oh how bad that would be for her if I turned around and said I didn't want to have more babies because the experience scared the hell out of me. She just wants to a have a grandchild, but she forgets that I need to grieve my little boy and remember him as much as possible as memories do fade, but I will never, ever forget him.
Anyway, I think you should talk about Brendan wherever and whenever you like and if that makes some people uncomfortable, tough. He was, he is, and he always will be your baby boy and his short but beautiful life should be honoured at every opportunity.
Wishing you well in the New Year,
love and hugs
Beata xxxxx
QUOTE=beata70;1548541]Hi Nae Nae and Susan,
Thanks for your advice, I think I'll need to do as you say as I thought I was doing OK. In the support group that I go to all the girls said that they were dreading xmas, and I thought at that time, oh I'll be OK....Well it's a lot harder than I thought but my partner Alan just loves xmas so I'll make an effort for his sake.
I think seeing the palnt bloom at your little angel Niki's memorial garden is so lovely, it's like she's saying 'Hello !'.
Susan, I'm so sorry for the loss of your son Brendan. I think it's awful when your own family avoids talking about what's happened. Like Nae Nae said sometimes people don't know what to say or are afraid to start a conversation about a baby/child that passed away, but in my case I talk about Joshua often, and it forces poeple to acknowledge him and then they don't feel so uncomfortable because I started the convesation. It's just such a shame that I always have to start it first....
I think that's beautiful that you dream of your little girl, I always ask Joshua to visit me in my dreams but I haven't had one of him yet, maybe soon.......I hope.
Al loves xmas too much not to celebrate it ( he is so xmasy but I'm not overly xmasy ) but he's got 3 grown up kids from his previous merriage so he loves to celebrate it with them. Which I can totally understand, I just don't mask my feeling as well as he does. I know he was devestated when we lost Joshua, occasionally he'll talk about him.
Oh well, here comes xmas whether we feel like celebrating or not, I know that our litle angels will be nearby.
My friend told me she got me a Joshua tree, so I'm looking forward to planting it and creating a spot for Josh. Right now I have him at home with us.
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s coming your way Hun,I totally understand how you feel,most of my family & DH`s family just don`t like to talk about what happened,Shame! I hope they don`t go through anything like we have in their life time. Hope you get through Chrissy Hun,I`ll be thinking of you & other`s who have been through so much heart ache.Susan.
I truely believe in our loved ones trying to make contact with us after thet have passed. We have feather`s left around our house & car,how does anyone explain that to us?
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