I'm so sorry that you are feeling such a sense of grief. A loss at any time is just a great a loss as any other. Each person deals with this in their own way and in their own time. There is no timeframe for when things will get easier. Are you having any counselling? I know it's not for everyone but after we lost our little angel I asked for a social worker at the hospital and then when I got out of hospital she referred me onto a counsellor who I still see to this day. I was seeing her weekly but now I just catch up for a chat here and there. She worked with me (and in some sessions my DH too) to make my life more manageable.

I'm so glad that you have your DH trying to help and some close friends who seem able to listen and offer support. Take all the time in the world to heal......I'm sorry for your little Jellybean couldn't stay.