I've only held one baby in the last ummmm 6 years! (other than DD)

I couldn't do it either, I hate being around babies and it was only December lat year I was able to hold a 1 year old, I still don't think I could hold a new born. It was hard but I just made myself do it, maybe it was easier because the mum had suffered a stillbirth so I was happy she got her rainbow baby. But I haven't held my other niece who is 9 months old.

Be kind to your this is a hard thing to work through. I really don't have any answers just wanted to let you know you aren't alone.