Be around babies, pg women and newborns? Because Ive come to the realisation that I cant be.

Yep, thats right, I cant look at them let alone smile or anything. Most of my friends who have little babies have never been held by me (and I usually love babies). I cant stop the raging lump in my throat, the shortening of breath and sometimes (but not always) the tears when I see babies, everywhere. Im a mix of jealous, sad, angry all at the same time. I know so many people have it so much worse and I feel so guilty for even writing this but 2 years, 4 m/cs later and its changed me, especially the last one. I cant seem to shut these feelings off and I want to....I need to.

So how on earth do you do it? What if I never have another baby, will these feelings remain my whole life?