I'm so sorry for your loss. It does seem like such a cruel trick when you see that beautiful beating heart, only to lose your precious baby days later.

FWIW, everything you're feeling is "normal". I think our emotionals swing so violently after a loss. Be kind to yourself and don't feel you need to justify your feelings. They are what they are. Try not to feel guilty though. These things are so largely out of our hands.

As for how to try again, I don't know. You just do. Sometimes its takes a while to be ready to try again, maybe after feeling initially that you just can't try again. Other times you want to try again straight away. Unfortunately I don't think the fear ever goes away through subsequent pregnancies, but having said that I am on pregnancy No. 10 and for whatever weird reason, I am considerably calmer about this pregnancy than I was about previous ones.