Absolutely do something to remember her sons. She is a mother and she has empty arms. That pain is excruciating. When someone remembers your little one - it touches very deep inside.
Some ideas are if you sew a tiny little patch work quilt... I have one for my first daughter. It hangs in Imogen's room - it was made with so much love by a dear friend.
A rose bush - hope, faith, (there are rose bushes with these or similar names) that she can plant in her children's honour.
A simple thing is some crystals in a pouch - perhaps wih stones that correspond to December - and some rose quartz for love.
If she has a pandora bracelet - a baby charm to remember her boys.
A star - you can buy a star albiet a small one - but that is special too...
A meal with a bottle of wine and dessert...
I personally found flowers disturbing - I am not sure why - partly I think because they looked so beautiful and full of life - and then they died - like my babies did... But many people like them. (I usually love to receive flowers but after my babies died I needed to not see them..)
I'm sure you'll be inspired to do just the right thing for her.
Last edited by Inanna; January 5th, 2010 at 09:48 PM.
Thanks so much for your advice, ladies. I can definitely understand why friends tend to avoid the topic, it's such an incredibly painful one, but I do want this lady to know that I care very deeply and am so saddened by the loss of her two little princes. There are some wonderful, wonderful gift/rememberance ideas here and they've definitely inspired me - so thankyou I think I'll probably stick with something small because I'm thinking of writing her a card/note and leaving it with her workmate (the mutual friend who I spoke to today) to pass onto her when she gets back, as I don't know when she will be home and I don't know her address (and obviously including my contact details in the note so she can come to me if she feels comfortable discussing such a personal thing with me). I'm not sure if she wears a Pandora or similar bracelet but maybe some pendants/charms that she can put on a chain to wear around her neck or something - teddies, angels, baby-themed things...
Thanks so much for the reassurance... I just don't want to hurt her any more than she already is, but it really makes sense that it helps in some way to know that others care and are hurting for you, instead of just avoiding it altogether. I appreciate your thoughts
Last edited by Glamourcide; January 5th, 2010 at 09:06 PM.
I have a pandora bracelet, but before I even had one I went and brought the angel charm on the first anniversary of my baby's EDD and wore it on a necklace to remember my angel. You could get her two of the blue bootie ones etc.
I also have a ring that I brought off a BB members website, it's silver and has tiny footprints all around it - I am going to get it engraved with dates etc when I get around to it. If you know her babies' names, that would be beautiful.
You know what though? Even a card means so, so much.
And don't worry about 'bringing it up' - I can almost guarantee it barely leaves her mind
Last edited by Willow; January 8th, 2010 at 05:51 PM.
Just a quick update, ladies
I ended up buying two gorgeous little silver/CZ-studded star charms/pendants and had them put together on one silver chain. I wrote a little message for her in a card (oh wow, how hard is it to find an appropriate 'condolences' card - they all have words about the lost loved one's long and full life etc etc etc!) and dropped it in to her workplace and asked a colleague to pass it on to her - she told me that my friend had resigned from her position and was pretty much keeping to herself. Which I understood - the colleague offered to give me her home address to post it to her, but I declined and asked if she would pass it on for me.
This was ages ago... and every time I walked past the store I wondered if it had been received...
Just now I logged into FB to find a message from my friend (I guess she tracked me down through my layby details hehehe!) thanking me for the gift and card and telling me that it means so much to her and that she wears it all the time. I burst into tears and DH gave me a dumb look... I'm so happy that she isn't offended or hurt... I just wanted to thank you all so much for helping me find an appropriate way to say that I care, and to let you know that it all went well.
And now she's on my FB so I can keep in touch with her and keep supporting her! Thanks again
I am so glad you were able to offer support and condolences to your friend. What a kind person to reach out to her when it would have been easier to just ignore the issue because it was difficult.
As many women have said too often the loss of a baby is ignored or just brushed off as an 'oh well' moment. No one acknowledged our little angel but what DH and I did was found jewellery online. I got a heart pendant with tiny little foot prints and babes age engraved in it, it has 2 gems- one the birth month our little one was due and a gem to assist in healing. DH has a keychain with the footprints and age, which he can carry everywhere. I dont know if thats something you want to do but it has been a really lovely thing for us, we are able to have our 'babe' with us at all times.
Please dont take lightly, what a wonderful person you are....the caring and love you are showing for your friends isnt seen often enough.
That was such a wonderful thing for you to do. No one ever acknowledges my little angels. It's an 'Oh well" and "if I don't mention it it never happened" thing amongst my family.
I just lost my 6th angel last week, and no one we had told even said how sorry they were for us... they didn't say anything... but a friend asked me round today so that our DS's could have a playdate, and I told her what had happened, and she just gave me a big hug (she's not one to give hugs, ever... so it was a big thing). The best thing was she has had a m/c before, so she knew what we were going through. It's so nice when someone is there to just give you a hug or tell you that somehow everything will turn out ok, even if you don't believe it at the time.
It's the acknowledgement of the angel baby that means everything.
But many people like them. (I usually love to receive flowers but after my babies died I needed to not see them..)
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I think I'll probably stick with something small because I'm thinking of writing her a card/note and leaving it with her workmate (the mutual friend who I spoke to today) to pass onto her when she gets back, as I don't know when she will be home and I don't know her address (and obviously including my contact details in the note so she can come to me if she feels comfortable discussing such a personal thing with me). I'm not sure if she wears a Pandora or similar bracelet but maybe some pendants/charms that she can put on a chain to wear around her neck or something - teddies, angels, baby-themed things... 
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