Just a quick update, ladies
I ended up buying two gorgeous little silver/CZ-studded star charms/pendants and had them put together on one silver chain. I wrote a little message for her in a card (oh wow, how hard is it to find an appropriate 'condolences' card - they all have words about the lost loved one's long and full life etc etc etc!) and dropped it in to her workplace and asked a colleague to pass it on to her - she told me that my friend had resigned from her position and was pretty much keeping to herself. Which I understood - the colleague offered to give me her home address to post it to her, but I declined and asked if she would pass it on for me.

This was ages ago... and every time I walked past the store I wondered if it had been received...
Just now I logged into FB to find a message from my friend (I guess she tracked me down through my layby details hehehe!) thanking me for the gift and card and telling me that it means so much to her and that she wears it all the time. I burst into tears and DH gave me a dumb look... I'm so happy that she isn't offended or hurt... I just wanted to thank you all so much for helping me find an appropriate way to say that I care, and to let you know that it all went well.
And now she's on my FB so I can keep in touch with her and keep supporting her! Thanks again