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Thread: I thought I was over it...

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Posts
    5,756

    Default I thought I was over it...

    I thought I was over it, obviously not. I find myself waking up in tears after dreaming of that terrible day... Some days are good, other I don't even want to get up in the morning. My heart breaks over again every time I think about it, every time i see a pregnant woman, every time i see a newborn baby. I wish it would stop. I don't feel an ounce of happiness. Why? When I was given this precious gift that I wanted so bad. I should feel happy that i was chosen to be the mother of this beautiful life. Yet all I can think of is why was my angel taken from me? From the moment I saw those 2 lines I fell in love, but was it not enough? I feel terrible for thinking this way. I feel selfish for feeling sad, when I should be happy for having the opportunity to carry this little one, even for only a short time. Will the pain ever stop? I don't think it will... I feel I could have done more to save my angel. I was blessed with Lily after finding out i was pregnant with her only 6mths beforehand. During the time I had not known about her I did everything i could possibly do wrong. I ate and drank the wrong things, i had x-rays, i took medication that is not reccomended in pregnancy, i even went on rollercoasters at a theme park when i was about 8 weeks along. So why couldn't this one have lived when I did most things right? I feel I have only myself to blame and I know I shouldn't but it is hard not to. I would give almost anything to have my angell back with me. If only it were that simple...


  2. #2
    Melinda Guest

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    It's incredibly hard not to blame yourself Tegan. When you don't have any explanation as to why this has happened, the first thing you do is to point the finger at yourself. You feel that as a Mum, you should somehow know if something is wrong and be able to fix it.

    Don't feel selfish for feeling sad - that's a normal part of grieving and it's something that may continue for some time. Seeing PG women and babies can be incredibly upsetting as you have such a longing to have another little one yourself. I used to try to tell myself that I didn't know what those women had been through to get their little ones, so I shouldn't be angry at them, but it was really hard.

    Don't be too hard on yourself - it's not been that long at all since all this took place. It can take quite a long time to come to terms with a m/c or loss - but it's not something that you ever get over. Over time, it just gets a little bit easier to cope with and you will find that those bad days will be a bit less frequent.

    Take care........

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    Outer Eastern Subs - Melb
    Posts
    1,544

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    :hugs: Tegan.

    I wish there was more that I could say and do.

    It's not your fault it happened. Nothing you did made it happen, it just 'happened'. Be gentle on yourself in that respect.

    It's ok to grieve for your loss. It's ok to be sad. But it's also ok to look forward to the future.

    Know we're here for you hun.
    xx

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    Victoria
    Posts
    857

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    Tegan,

    I don't know what to say because I have not gone through what you have. I agree with Rachel, it just happened and there was nothing that you could have done. Try to focus on Lily, your little miracle. Try to stay strong and try not to let this get you down. I hope you will have another little miracle soon. I'm sorry if I have not helped.

  5. #5
    kerry Guest

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    Tegan,

    Like Melinda said, you never really get over it completely but it does get easier, and it does hurt less with time. When I had my second m/c all the hurt, guilt and agony of the first one was as strong as if it had just happened yesterday not years before.

    With time you wont feel guilty and believe me unless you were skulling bottles of gin in a boiling hot bath while chain smoking and doing drugs you have nothing to feel guilty for. M/c is just one of those unfortunate things that some of us have to suffer but it does get better, it just takes time. Please don't feel guilty.. you did nothing wrong... there is not something wrong with you... your little one just wasn't meant to be here all that long.

    For the short time your little one was here you loved them with all your heart and they knew that so while you might not have got to hold your precious baby this time believe me when I tell you s/he knew she had a mummy who loved him/her very much.

    Sending you all the best wishes and sticky vibes as you try for #3... may the wait be short and the happiness be long.

  6. #6
    Melody Guest

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    Tegan, I'm sorry you have hit a big & painful bump on this one. I dont think people ever gtruly 'get over' these particular heartaches.... it is part of you now & when you feel the sadness & pain over your loss that is just your angel squeezing you so tight that your heart aches.... your angel is part of you now..... it has formed a little piece of Tegan.

    Your angel was asked, for whatever reason, to wait & so it is... patiently.

    Big hugs to you.....

  7. #7
    Pietta Guest

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    Hi Tegan,

    I wish i knew what i could say to help your pain and grief. Just know im here for you if you ever need to talk.

    Hugs,

    Love Pee

  8. #8

    Default

    Tegan, :hugs: to you matey. I am so sorry you had to go through this. As Melinda and Jo have said, you never do really get over it, but with time it does easier. You will never forget your little ~angel baby~ they will always hold a special place in your heart. I know for myself I still think about my 1st angel baby and ~Matthew~ and start crying all over again, like it was yesterday but I then try and think that they are up above looking down on me, watching out for Nicholas, Declan, Rob and I and I am sure that is exactly what your little one id doing too.

    It is hard not to blame yourself, but please believe me there was nothing you could've done that would've prevented this.

    I know at first it is so hard seeing pg women and new born babies, thinking why can't that be me etc... and it is difficult to try and be happy for these people, but again in time it does become easier and one day again soon you will be pg again and 9 months later have your gorgeous little bubs in your arms.

    Whenever you need to cry, yell scream etc... do it. A midwife told me, when I lost ~Matthew~ to punch a pillow to get all my sorrow, anger and hurt out. It is so much better to let it all out than keep it bottled up inside.

    Give yourself time matey, as it was not that long ago and please know if you ever need to vent again, we are all here for you. Last but not least do not ever feel selfish for feeling sad, it is part of the grieving process .

    Please take care of yourself.

    Loadsa Love and Hugs

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