lost my little daughter...

[roosa]

roosa--You're thinking isn't wrong or weird--I, too, feel like I won't even begin to be happy again until, not only I know I'm pg again, but I'm past the 1st trimester! I think it's a completely normal way to feel after something like this happens. It's personal for each woman how long she waits to ttc, but in my case I wanted to start ttc right away. Not to replace the baby that I lost, but I couldn't (and still can't) stand the idea of not being pg anymore. I miss it to the point where it drives me crazy sometimes. But some days are better than others, your grief will fluctuate daily--or hourly in my case! It's been 39 days for me, and I'm not even close to being over it. It's not a curse, it's a natural reaction for a person to have after suffering such a great loss. We'll get through this, I promise--we all will! God bless you, I wish you peace....

Thanks so much for your post! It is nice to feel a bit more normal, knowing I am not the only one going through these feelings and thoughts. I loved being pregnant and I miss it so much and I miss looking forward to actually giving birth and holding that little precious baby in my hands (but not at 19 weeks). I have better days and then I have worse days. It seems that the reality of what has happened it hitting me harder lately. It also seems to get harder to actually be around other people cause they ask me how I am doing and I can hear on their tone of voice that they are expecting I will say better when really I am feeling worse. What do you do? I can't quite handle how some people look at me when I tell them the truth about how I am feeling. Do you just start lying? I know I will get through this, but I also know it will take a long time and that I will never fully loose the pain. Is that impossible for outsiders to accept? Gosh, I am so confused.

Karin

[SHELL 70]

Hi Karin, unfortunately many people simply do not understand what you are going through and they don't know what to say or how to make you feel better because the reality is NOTHING will take away your pain! Don't lie about your feelings, talking is so important & sharing your thoughts & memories are all you have so you must be true to yourself. It is a struggle every day and some people just don't see that, they think you should be okay by now but of course you aren't, how can you ever be okay after what you have just experienced????

You will know in your heart when the time is right to try again, not to replace Kathleen but to have another bubba to hold in your arms forever. You were robbed by Kathleen's passing so it is normal to want another baby.... After Carly was born I thought I could never even have sex again but we were pregnant 10 weeks after her bith which was the best therapy for us.( not everybody feels the same)

Just take care of yourself and let people know how you feel. I guess that is the best thing about BB, there are people who do know how you are feeling & you can chat anytime of the day or night.

Sending you big hugs, Shell xo

[roosa]

Hi Karin, unfortunately many people simply do not understand what you are going through and they don't know what to say or how to make you feel better because the reality is NOTHING will take away your pain! Don't lie about your feelings, talking is so important & sharing your thoughts & memories are all you have so you must be true to yourself. It is a struggle every day and some people just don't see that, they think you should be okay by now but of course you aren't, how can you ever be okay after what you have just experienced????

Thanks Shell, it is such a relief to find people who understand... Yes, every day is a struggle. I don't hide away at home but that also means I am faced with things that hurts, like seeing babies, pregnant women etc etc. But even things in my home hurts. I still haven't removed my pregnancy clothes from my closet and I simply try to not look at it - or the bassinet that is stored in the garage that was supposed to have a baby in it in a few months... So much remind me of what I have lost and what could have been and those things will still be there tomorrow and the next day and the next day, although I am sure that with time it will become easier to face them.

Thanks again for your encouragement. It means so much!
Karin

[jen805]

roosa--When people ask me how I'm doing I don't lie and say I'm fine and I don't tell them how heartbroken I still am, I simply tell them that I'm hanging in there. I think that's probably the most honest answer that I, or any of us I'm sure, can give. There's really no need to say more than that, and usually the questions stop there. I don't think it's hard for others to accept, I think it just makes people who haven't been through it uncomfortable because they feel like they have to come up with the right words to say. I've learned the best place to talk about my feelings or to vent is here. Everyone just understands here, and that helps validate any feelings I'm struggling with--which makes my life more peaceful because I don't have to hide the way I'm feeling from anyone here. Take care, and remember we're all here for you whenever you need us!

[roosa]

roosa--When people ask me how I'm doing I don't lie and say I'm fine and I don't tell them how heartbroken I still am, I simply tell them that I'm hanging in there. I think that's probably the most honest answer that I, or any of us I'm sure, can give. There's really no need to say more than that, and usually the questions stop there. I don't think it's hard for others to accept, I think it just makes people who haven't been through it uncomfortable because they feel like they have to come up with the right words to say. I've learned the best place to talk about my feelings or to vent is here. Everyone just understands here, and that helps validate any feelings I'm struggling with--which makes my life more peaceful because I don't have to hide the way I'm feeling from anyone here. Take care, and remember we're all here for you whenever you need us!

Thanks for your reply. I am 'glad' to say that I actually got to that conclusion myself last night. I spend a lot of time thinking about what would be the best way to respond, and I think 'hanging in there' is a good reply and then to remember to ask back how people are doing... That gives them the option of moving onto other subjects or if they really want they can dig deeper into how I am really doing. I so understand what you say by people being uncomfortable and not knowing what to say. I wish there was an easy and short way to explain to people that I am still grieving but it is okay to talk about whatever. If they want to ask me about what happened, that's fine. If they want to talk about something totally different, that's fine too. I find that conversations go really easily with some people and not with others and it is hard to know beforehand. I am so glad that I have found this place. A place where I can share and vent and almost feel a bit normal...

Thanks again.
Karin

[jen805]

Hey roosa, was just thinking of you so I thought I'd say hi. Hope your days are getting a little easier.

[roosa]

Hey roosa, was just thinking of you so I thought I'd say hi. Hope your days are getting a little easier.

Hi Jen, thanks for thinking of me and for your message. I appreciate it. Some days I think things are getting easier and then suddenly I feel like I have a setback. Some days I wonder if I will ever find a way to cope. And some days I am coping... I guess it is all a bit of a rollercoaster.

xox Karin