lost my little daughter...

[roosa]

What i had done, when i had the strength, was make a special box for all the beautiful things i had bought Izzy before she was born. I had also kept the pregnancy tests, my wristband from the hospital, her clothes, photo albums that my mum had engraved and i scrapbooked all her ultrasound pics and birth pics with beautiful borders and words from the heart. My DP and i also bought a necklace with the letter 'I' hanging from it so it's always close to my heart.
We had also had a ceremony for her at our hospital where we got to light a 'special' candle for her and we spread her ashes next month in a beautiful baby garden that they have near their chapel there.
All of these things have definately helped me grieve and move on, although i will never forget. I know u feel like u have been dealt with the worst possible card, and you can only ask 'why' and yearn for ur little girl, but just remember, u can always talk to her and know that she will always love u and remember that special moment when she was laying in your arms, feeling ur heart beat against hers.
I don't have any answers, but just take the time u need. Cry whenever u want to cry, scream, yell and do anything that helps. Get a teddy bear that reminds u of her and cuddle it every chance u get. U are not alone, she is with u every second of the day, u just can't see her all the time but she will visit u in ur dreams when the time is right. Just trust in the bigger picture and the pain will eventually ease.
I hope i have helped a little bit. I am always here if u ever need to chat. Say whatever u are feeling, no one is judgemental here.
Take special care xoxoxo

Thanks so much for your encouragement. We feel very blessed that we got to hold our little girl and that her heart was beating for 90 min. The fact that she was born alive also meant that we had to have a burial for which I am thankful for. It was a very beautiful funeral and although she was only in this world for 90 min she has impacted it in a very powerful way. I have many things that will remind me of her besides that. Some of it I still find hard to look at or hold, but I know that someday I will truly treasure it. We have pictures of her and us while she was still with us which I will scrapbook one day. I have her little blanket that she was wrapped it. The hospital gave us a treasure box where I store some of her things. Although it is a very painful time I have much to be thankful for, particularly the time we had with our precious Kathleen.

Thanks again and take care.
Karin

[roosa]

Thanks everyone for your encouragement, kind words and warm welcome. I feel like I have come to the right place. Do you all mostly use the forums to communicate or are the chatrooms also used from time to time. They seem pretty empty to me...

I can't believe all the emotions that come with the experience of loosing a child. The last couple of days I have just felt angry. Not angry at anyone in particular, just angry. I feel robbed of a beautiful perfect little girl. It is so hard to be around other kids - except our son Kaleb who is our joy and definitely helps us through this time. He makes it easier, but not easy...

Thanks again everyone. I am so sorry for all of you who have gone through a loss as well. It is hard to comprehend the pain unless you have gone through it yourself, and my heart goes out to all of you.

Karin

[jen805]

roosa--The range of emotions fluctuate up and down like a bad yo-yo diet--it's completely natural for you to feel angry. I still have days where I feel angry (and it's been over 1 mo. since my m/c), other days I'm just so sad! While some days my kids help me to feel better, other days I just find it so hard to deal with them b'cuz I feel consumed with my own grief. Just wanted you to know that it will get easier, but it will take time, and some days will be harder than others. Remember that we all can comprehend and can sympathize because we've all felt that same way! We're here any time you need support! Be good to yourself!