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Thread: We lost our miracle yesterday

  1. #1
    ickimum Guest

    Default We lost our miracle yesterday

    Ladies I don't even know what to say, we lost or miracle baby yesterday...........I started bleeding on Thursday but it stopped and OB felt things where okay and I could just come in for my appointment next monday, and I was to call her if the bleeding started again or I was to go directly to ER.
    Well Sunday night I started bleeding and cramping and I knew we had lost Miracle........I was admitted to ER at our Royal Womens hosptial and placed on IV and booked for a scan........it took all day but I knew by the bleeding that the baby had died..........I was discharged last night with instructions on how to deal with the next few days of bleeding..........I am devestated, MY dh is a beautiful husband but he has no idea what to say or do...........I just want to curl up and hide from the world, I can't talk on the phone, I am hiding from friends and family..............My dh is wanting to try again ASAP, today I never want to try again........it took so long to get that double pink line our miracle..........the heartbreak is just beyond anything I have ever been though.......How do I get though these next few days..........I am a person that needs memory symbols in my life and one of the Nurses yesterday suggested buying a necklace or planting a tree as a memory and saying goodbye process.
    What have others done? and does anyone know where I can buy memorial jewlery?
    Heartbroken and full of sorrow right now
    Hugs Nicki


  2. #2

    Join Date
    Jan 2008
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    New Zealand
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    Unhappy

    Dearest Nicki, my heart goes out to you, I'm so so sorry that you have to go through this.
    I've been there and there is nothing anyone can say that will make it better.
    As wonderful as people are and as supportive as your husband is, you just don't know what its like till it happens to you.
    I planted a rose for my twins as my special thing and am planning a tattoo at some stage.
    Just be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve, it's so important, don't let people tell you it wasn't meant to be or its just one of those things. It is a loss of a person, dreams and plans, don't let anyone dismiss it.
    It will take time but it will get a little easier. You will never forget, I'm bawling eight years on, tears for you and me and the many women who endure this. Takecare Sweetie

  3. #3

    Join Date
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    Default

    Nicki

    I am so very sorry for the loss of your dear little baby. It feels like the pain will never go away but give yourself time to grieve and eventually you will begin to heal.

    I think the idea of a symbol to remember your baby is wonderful. I have a necklace and a pendant that I hold dear as a memory of my son.

    I know there is a website which sells memorial necklaces so I'll BBL with the link.

    Take care sweetie.

    Lv Spring

    ETA: The address is Miscarriage and Infant Loss Memorial Jewelry, Sympathy Gifts
    Last edited by Spring Angel; March 11th, 2008 at 11:01 AM.

  4. #4

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    Default

    Hi Nicki. I just want to give you a big hug...:hugs:
    I know there is nothing anyone can say or do that will be particularly comforting at this time. We lost our bub at 12 weeks and it was devastating. My Hubby bought me a necklace while I was in hospital, which reminds me of our precious bub and also of his love for me.
    I don't want to sound harsh but don't forget that you aren't the only one grieving. Your hubby will be too, and while it hurts so much more for us I think we can forget how hurt they are too.
    Please don't blame yourself. I know it is really hard but one of the things which really helped me was "well at least we didn't have a really sick/ in pain/ damaged little baby, better now than after 9 months." It sounds cruel I know but it did help me.
    I hope this has helped.
    Blessings to you and your family. Catherine

  5. #5

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    Oh no Nicki, I am so very very sorry

    I wish there was something I could write to make you feel better, but I know from bitter experience that there really isn't much anyone can do or say to help in the days following. I was an emotional wreck following my m/c and D&C. All I can say is if you feel that you need to curl up and hide or not talk on the phone, then you should do it until you feel like you can cope with things. I was fortunate that I had a few close friends I could talk to who knew about my pregnancy, and my local miscarriage support group helped me a lot too - but that took awhile before I could go it

    My DH took good care of me after my m/c, but he too was devastated by grief and found it difficult to cope. He just wanted to make the pain go away for me, and he didn't really know what to say or do to help either I found that in the weeks following, the best thing he could do for me was just to listen when I needed to talk - I really don't know how I would have coped without him, even though we did have our moments

    I bought a necklace with a heart pendant which I wear now, so my little one is close to my heart always - we were a bit worried about planting a plant and having it die on us We haven't had a memorial as such, but every now and then I light and candle and think about our little one that we lost.

    Big hugs to you and your family xx

  6. #6

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    Nicki
    I felt the same as you I couldn't face anyone and couldn't talk on the phone for nearly two weeks. My DH was great and supported me the best he could and he was hurting to. I wanted to try again straight away but dh was scared it would happen again as was I but I felt I deperatley needed to fill that emptyness inside.
    My mum bought me a beatuiful tree that has big pink flowers that I planted in my garden as a memory of my little girl.
    You and and your family are in my thoughts and prayers and remember just give yourself time to greive.

  7. #7

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    Default

    i am so sorry for your loss of precious Miracle. i wish no one need feel the pain of losing a child. i send my hugs and tears to you for your pain. like Spring, i have a necklace i wear every day to keep my son close to my heart. we also planted a few fruit trees last summer, and put up a bench nearby. allow yourself to grieve, my dear, you have lost your precious child and no one can replace Miracle. xxoom

  8. #8

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    So sorry to hear what has happened. I lost my little precious one a few weeks ago and this weekend we are heading up to Sydney to make a Teddy Bear for the baby. You pick what bear you want and you get to place a few things inside it with the stuffing, such as love hearts and kisses, we are also going to place a picture of the ultrasound in there to. Then you get a birth certificate and if you like you can pick some clothes put to dress your bear. After that the bear is boxed and ready to take home.

    The shops are based in Sydney so I dont know where you are from but I am sure if you like that idea you could find something similar where you live.

    Claire

  9. #9

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    Icki, I am so sorry for your loss, there is nothing anyone can say or do to make anything "better", just know your little angel will be watching you. I am convinced that they leave us too early because they are simply too pure for this world.

    Something that might help you to let go is a candle - i bought a specila little candle, said a few words and then lit it. As it was just about to go out i sat there and watched it, and as the flame died it kinda helped me to release and to say goodbye.

    :hugs:

  10. #10

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    Default

    I just want to send a hug

  11. #11

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    Default

    I am so sorry for the loss of your baby
    sending you big :hugs:

  12. #12
    ickimum Guest

    Default thanks everyone

    Thanks everyone for all your hugs and lovin, I am felt a bit better today when I woke up, until I showered and can't work out why my breast hurt so much only to look down and see drops of fluid..............I can't believe it, I know its not real breast milk but it still made me cry, WHY????
    How could this happen, I did everything right, I don't smoke, drink and I took all the right vitamins and did everything the DR told me to do.........I know there are no answers to my question I know no on deserves to go though this.
    DH and I decided last night that we will name the baby, to honor the beautiful miracle that we both know one day we will hold in heaven....(yes I do believe that and make no apologies)
    I spoke with the OB's office yesterday and they told me to come in still on what would of been my scan date.........thats going to be a sucky day for sure.
    I also just talked to DH about buying a necklace, and he is cool with it......but is worried that I will dwell to long on this baby, he isn't heartless and is very gentle, kind and loving but he knows my obsessive personality I guess,..........We talked about trying again last night, I felt I could talk even though the thought scares me to death I know that for me and him we need to do this.......now that we did all we did to fix our(many operations, precancerous treatments etc) infertility issues after 11 long years, BUT I need to honor this baby too and I explained to him that the necklace, the babies name and NEVER EVER forgetting this baby is something we also need to do........he totally agreed, and then we got in to this silly little "I like this name he likes that name" chat, it was almost like the baby was still with us and then we both looked at each other and just both started crying and hugging, My DH is a rock and I do not what I would do without him.........I'm still freaking out about the concept and one second I think NO way, and they this empty feeling and yearning of needing to fill it comes over me like a wave of grief and I think...........OHHHH god I need to be nurturing a baby in my womb again.......I don't know what my OB will say about waiting since I only have a limited time before the precanercous condition I have needs to be checked or treated again........so I am really worried about that, I feel like I have been in a boxing match anyway and I have aches and pains in places I never knew I had, I know my body and my heart might need a month or 2, but Our OB might not give us that due to my issues and I guess that is scaring me but at the same time I also do not want to miss our chance as in the long run I have to have a hysterectomy within 1-2 years to stop the risk of Uterine cancer.........and I know my DH needs to know the plan as he is worried about not just us having another baby but about the precancerous cells returning and thats why he talked to me about trying again last night.........OHHH gosh I feel so different from one second to the next.
    I lost it yesterday when I went to our bathroom and opened the top draw looking for something and forgot the pregnancy tests where in there............IT sent me in to a tailspin.........I hate all these emotions they make me feel like I am losing my mind.
    SORRY to ramble,
    Hugs Nicki

  13. #13

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    Default

    Hi Nicki - sorry to read about your loss. It is a terrible thing for anyone to go through and I'm thinking of you. I keep a special memory box, next to some candles I light when I am thinking of little Thomas. I also got a necklace, a blue love heart surrounded by tiny diamonds which I have never taken off, and I found this helped me get through. And little by little it gets easier, although you never forget, and the memories become sad and bittersweet instead of heartbreakingly tragic, it becomes part of the fabric of your life and of you and your partners journey through life together.

    I found it bought my DH and I closer in the end after many difficult times.

    best of luck, in my thoughts

  14. #14

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    Nicki I'm so sorry you lost your little miracle I hope your grieving journey brings some comfort.

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