my baby isnt meant to be born let alone dead

[faeriegirl]

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your son sending you so much love ((big hugs)) i wish there was somethhing i could say ... i just dont know
i am also a tassie mum and would be happy to meet up and or chat if you would like to

[BereavedBella2007]

ok i have to ask what does DH stand for ........... you really dont wanna know what words i put to those initials.......................................... ........................ my partner agreed to relationship counselling lets see if he comes on the day,,,,,,,,,,, what a joke lol,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, im also seeing a grief counsellor later this month, hoping that will sort something out for me though, my aunty did tell me that we are reincarnated and every life we are in is too learn a lesson, and maybe jesse had learnt his, and im like yeah right what could he possibly have learnt, wasnt untill later i realised maybe he was my lesson as his death has definately opened a new door of appreciation for me with bailey and ruby, anyways im off to try for decent nights sleep thanks again for being here guys catch yas ssoon

[BereavedBella2007]

i am also a tassie mum and would be happy to meet up and or chat if you would like to

im all for meeting up, it would be nice to spend time with people who understand the loss of a child, my mum had ten miscarriages, she finally found out why she couldnt carry and had a hysterectomy at the age of 40 so she is the only one i can spend time with that knows the feeling
catch you soon

[*Efjay*]

my aunty did tell me that we are reincarnated and every life we are in is too learn a lesson, and maybe jesse had learnt his, and im like yeah right what could he possibly have learnt, wasnt untill later i realised maybe he was my lesson as his death has definately opened a new door of appreciation for me with bailey and ruby

I have already mentioned this little story in these threads before, but I would like to share it with you Bella.
My sister M/C her ~Serenity~ at almost 15 weeks. She went through labour & delivered her little man at hospital, just like a normal labour. It was a hard thing for all of us there as he was a perfect little baby that fit in the palm of your hand. We all held him & my sister even got to have foot prints done, they are so tiny.
Mum is a very spiritual person. She sees/feels spirits & when the time was right for my sister she told us that when Serenity was born, there was a young boy sitting at the end of the bed. She went on to tell us about a little boy who was tragically killed after a short life of bad treatment & abuse which eventually lead to his death. He was only 3 or 4 ( we both remember the story in the news). Mum believes that the little man my sister carried for that short time was this little boy who had returned as he needed to feel what real love was, love that only a mother could share. She feels that this little boy got all the love he needed to feel in that 15 weeks my sister nurtured him inside her & was now able to move on to his next journey.

I find it a comfort that if this is the case for my sister, that is one hell of an honour. Sometimes it may not be a "lesson" that has to be learnt but just some thing that needs to be completed. But like you my sister also gained a new appreciation for her older son & also now has a new daughter. I also think that it put an end to a very unhealthy relationship with the father. I know that sounds terrible, but it really was a good thing.

I have never personally been through a m/c. Being with my sister at her darkest hour was a real eye opener for what it would be like to have lost a child. I hope that you & your family can start to heal soon. Jesse will always be with you & like I tell my sister, I am sure that when your older kids hug you, he will be wrapping his arms around you tightly through them.

hugs to you

[westy]

Bella, i am so very sorry to hear of the loss of your precious little boy "Jesse".

Thinking of you.

[spreckemily]

Bythe way Bella DH is Darling Husband, DS is Darling Son and DD is Darling Daughter.

I wont tell you what I thought when I first saw them!!

[BereavedBella2007]

fiona jill i think you may have something there, ive never been really religious or spiritual, however i dont like to take chances, my mum has a belief that unless a baby, child or adult has been blessed they never move on there souls just hang in limbo forever i dont know wether this is true or not but i had jesse blessed just incase,
my mum also told me that jesses death would make or break my partner and yesterday we broke, he took off in a fit of rage, on his learners licence on his own in his mothers car my dad took her to retrieve her car and he wouldnt hand it over just took off in it, she took a great step that day in no longer molly coddling her son rang the police needless to say he was arrested and charged, hes now at his own house considering rehab (hes an alcoholic and big marijuana smoker) hes not allowed to make contact with us for a week, next tuesday my mum will take the kids on a supervised visit to him, and get his decision regarding rehab, of course this being his second drink driving unlicensed offence (that hes been caught for) he may end up in lock up, for both his and the childrens sake i hope not but i have no control over these things and he will have to take any consequences he has brought upon himself, there may be hope in the future for us but it will be a long time if he cleans himself up as he will need time adjusting to the real world without two of his best mates, before he can even consider beginning to adjust in a relationship, if nothing else i hope that we can atleast be good friends in the future especially for the childrens sake
cheerios for now i have dd an ds to attend to, bless them there what keeps my world going round,

[BereavedBella2007]

have any of you had older children who have been through stillbirth or m/c with you? my son doesnt seem to have any feeling about it he knows now that there isnt a baby in mummys belly and when i came home he told me he would get small and gt in my belly so i would have baby in there again and be happy, we let him attend the funeral but he didnt sem to grasp what was going on. has he grasped it and just getting on or does he not understand at all?

[faeriegirl]

if you want to talk feel free to add me to msn, i hope he comes to his senses

[*Efjay*]

HOw sweet of your DS. how old is he? I eould imagine that he doesn't understand what you lost as such, just that you are hurt.

[BereavedBella2007]

how do i add you faeriegirl,? my ds is four and hates when im sad i stopped allowing tears to fall in front of him as he gets really upset by it and begs me too be happy again. my partner signed himself into sych ward today as he hates being alone and is feeling suicidal they had no bed in the proper ward so he agreed to stay in sych ward, it makes it hard when theres a waiting list at rehabs

[*Efjay*]

It good to here that your DP is getting help.
You have a very caring DS there. My oldest is also 4, he too is very sweet & caring. When the Steve Irwin died, Evan seemed to understand & get a bit upset but then would ask why he didn't go to hospital to get fixed. So I think little bit of him knew but then the rest of him didn't understand why he couldn't be fixed.
Every Child would be different but I think it would be safe to say that your DS would understand that the baby is gone & that makes you & your DP sad. He may not understand "why" Jesse is gone. But really he doesn't need to understand that part, he can see your sad & that is enough for him to know you need those extra long hugs.
Little boys are so sweet. Evan cries if I cry, he cried when Glenn was a baby & had to have his needles, he cried when Isla was crying & I told him it was because she got a fright. He hates to see his loved ones cry.

[BereavedBella2007]

hey people duess what dp has been off both the drink and the smoke for a week now and is a different person, he is on the waiting list for rehab but isnt really sure about going as he doesnt want to be away from me and the kids for that long especially as he wont be allowed contact with anybody for 10 days, he still wont talk about jesse though do i leave it, he took me out on our first date last week, and we were mucking around as though it really was a first date and i said to him " so tell me about yourself" and hes like " well i have two kids" and went on to say other stuff it kind of cut me up because even though one isnt with us we have three kids, i didnt know what to say so i just left it at that, how can i tell him it hurt without him being upset????

[mumofbundlezofjoy]

I think you probably need to give him time. Its fabulous that he's off the stuff, but you should encourage him to go to rehab.... 10 days is such a short time, when in the long term he would be a better person/partner
He's probably thinking he's only GOT 2 kids, I mean he HAD 3 but now he's only got two here KWIM???

[*Efjay*]

I think the thing to keep in mind is everyone deals with death differently. I was watching John Edwards last night & he made a good comment about the "idiot zone" that surrounds the death of a love one. People who don't know what to say, how to act etc enter the idiot zone & often say they wrong thing. Not because they don't care, but simply because they don't know what to say or how to deal with it.

I too would encourage him to go into rehab. 10 days from you & the kids isn't a big deal. I think he is using it as an excuse.

[BereavedBella2007]

ok guys any suggestions for a mum who suddenly has difficulty visiting her sons grave??

[*Efjay*]

Take your time. There is no need to visit your son at his grave. You can just sit & take a moment to visit with him anywhere you are comfortable doing so. You can put flowers at home that are for him and he will know your thinking about him. His Spirit is always with you. I believe that your body is just a shell. Yes I understand that it makes its different when you have sopmthing to go visit, like his resting place. But his Spirit will always be where you are. Maybe you would like to make a special spot at home where you can sit & visit with him? Or is there a local park where you would of liked to take him? Maybe you could sit there.
Just know that he is with you no matter where you stop to visit him. I think he will understand if you find it difficult to visit his resting place at the moment. He would want your visits to be happy, not hard.

HTH's

xoxox