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Thread: my baby isnt meant to be born let alone dead

  1. #1
    BereavedBella2007 Guest

    Default my baby isnt meant to be born let alone dead

    :frown: last week i gave birth to my son at 21 weeks yesterday i buried him, my partner carried his tiny coffin to his grave and we among family and friends listened to his tiny story read out by the minister, i think im ok but i like to talk about it, my partners buried himself further into drugs feels angry and takes it out on me, he says he doesnt blame me but it sure feels like it, we decided against an autopsy but allowed an mri so we may never know what happened to our little boy that we named jesse. i feel like i cant rely on fmily to talk about it when i want, which i have to admit is frequently, i feel like im being pushed into penting it up, mostly i think because i appear to be coping well, where as my partner isnt so everybody wants to help and talk to him, even my mum shes my mum she should be more interseted in me, hes got ten million family members around and ive got my mum my dad and my aunt any ways now im just whingeing, would love to meet up with other mums in tasmania who have been through a similiar tradgedy !!!!


  2. #2

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    Im so sorry to hear of your loss. We are all here for you. Welcome to BB.

  3. #3
    BereavedBella2007 Guest

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    thanks kimbaz.

    its so hard my son was so tiny only 25 centimetres long although he didnt look it, i always thought labour was terribly painful, but with jesse it was the most painful, i knew he wasnt going to cry or kick his little legs, all i have now is a few photos and some foot and hand prints, i know thats more than a lot of mothers but hell im greedy i want my son, a friend of mine had a baby at 24 weeks and today he is a healthy one year old im so jealous im angry at my partner who is currently snuggled in bed drowning his pain in sleeping tablets, we're supost to be there for one another, god i feel so angry and confused and lost im so glad i found this forum even if ya'll dont read it i can still vent it somewhere,

  4. #4

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    Your not greedy at all, your a grieving mother thats has lost a son. That must be the hardest thing one can go through. I wish i could give you a big hug and a shoulder to cry, some one to talk to. Ive never had a loss so i cant say i know what your going through. Let it be known that we here on BB are here for you no matter what your partner is doing. Its not the same. but its the closest we can do. Cherish the memories you have. Some mums i know make websites for their angel babies, plant a tree/flower etc. Maybe some ideas for you to think of.

    Always thinking of you, as is Jesse as he looks down on the best mum in the world. ((HUGS))

  5. #5

    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    In my own private paradise
    Posts
    15,272

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    you'll find people who'll read your threads here on BB and everyone is really supportive

    i'm so sorry for your loss - you are right to want to deal with your grief in your own way - if that means talking (or typing as the case is here!), then talk away - no one can tell you what is right and wrong in dealing with your grief. i hope your family and the rest of your support network at home realise very soon that you need just as much support as your partner

    your little boy is with so many other little angels now, watching over you - i know this is little comfort for you at the moment, but i know it to be true

    take care - and know that you can vent on BB when you need to - so many people here have been through similar losses and understand what you're feeling.

  6. #6
    BereavedBella2007 Guest

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    thanks guys, it feels good to be able to go somewhere, i have two other babes at home to, my son b 4yrs and my daughter r 10 mths, im gratefull for them but i still feel a piece of me is missing, i havent been able to pick them up as my bleeding isnt right so im not allowed to do anything but play on the floor with them and even the cuddles i got there were so painful especially when my milk came in and they were crushing themselves against my breasts so ive not only been feeling useless to jesse but to bailey and ruby also

  7. #7

    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    NSW
    Posts
    168

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    Bella,
    I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your son-- I can not imagine how heart breaking it must have been to birth him.
    You are definitely in the right place here-- there are so many amazing and inspiring women here to talk to. The girls on the TTC after m/c and loss and Preg after m/c and loss threads have been my saviours.
    You have every right to talk about your pregnancy and your son-- it DID happen. It is usually only the discomfort of others that stops us talking openly about our losses. You are amongst friends here. WELCOME.
    I will be thinking of you and your DH.

    Hope xoxo

  8. #8

    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Guinea
    Posts
    24

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    I am so sorry for your loss, you have found a very supportive group who will listen to you as much as you need!
    Anger is just one emotion that you will feel during your journey, it will come and go, so feel free to vent it. All the emotions are better out than in - I have found anyway!
    I have made sure that everyone knows I want to talk about Jemma, my angel, as she is a part of me and she is my first child. It makes it easier for them too because then they don't feel like they have to be careful what they say around me. Talk about your son as much as you want, he is your son and nothing will ever change that!
    ((HUGS))
    Thinking about you, your DH and your other children.

    Sarah

  9. #9

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    Bella, I am so sorry to hear about Jesse :hugs:

    I do hope you find the support you need here on BB, in all honesty I don't know what I would have done without these women - they have picked me up when I no one else could. You do need to talk about it - as much and as often as you like - it's been 4 months for me and my son still consumes practically every thought and conversation I have.

    You and Jesse are in my thoughts, take care of yourself.

    Mel

  10. #10
    Melinda Guest

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    Bella,

    I'm really pleased that you have found BB - it's a caring and supportive network as I'm sure you are bound to find out for yourself. I hope that you find sharing your story here to be therapeutic, and rest assured that there will always be someone here to listen and reply to you.

    I wish I had some words to comfort you, but I know that there are no words that could ever do that. All I can offer you is a friendly ear. I haven't been through what you have been through, but I have had 3 miscarriages and that was devastating enough. I truly can't imagine the pain you must be feeling. Please don't bottle it up - use these forums to help you through and to get the rollercoaster of emotions out there.

    Which part of Tasmania are you in? I am in Hobart.

  11. #11
    ellbo2 Guest

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    Bella,

    I know how hard it is. Believe me, I have been there, the same as you. Only my hubby shows NO emoition hasnt talked about it, and has even refused to go to see a grief counsellor over it - not becuase I though he needed it - but for me. It is a hard line to draw - to show no emotion - like my hubby - or to be the one who grieves? I would suggest you seek professional counselling as I know it helped me.

  12. #12

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    You are not whinging you are grieving the lose of a child... Im lost for words.. Know that we are here if you ever need to talk..

  13. #13

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    Venting is good, you need to get your feelings out. Im so sorry for the loss of your beautiful angel Jesse, i love that name... Welcome to bellybelly, we are always here for you...

  14. #14

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    Bella,

    I am so sorry for you loss. I feel the pain you are feeling - I lost my son in November last year at 37 weeks. I am struggling every single day but I have the support of some wonderful women on BB. Unfortunately every one grieves differently, I only wish we grieved the same and it would make things easier. Venting is good so feel free to do it.

    Thinking of you and Jesse.

  15. #15
    BereavedBella2007 Guest

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    Thankyou to You All, Melinda i live in a place called Jericho up In the midlands, but im willing to travel if your willing to meet up. i dont think it matters when in your pregnancy you lose im sure its just as painful, maybe more as time goes by because youve had more time to bond but painful all the same, i feel for the parents who lost there baby before 20 weeks as they dont get to say goodbye properly, no funeral or anything, a friend of mine lost her baby at three months and has told me that in a way attending jesse's funeral has helped her, i am thankful that i can still "visit" jesse and tell him things even sing to him as i have done with all my babies, Jesse's death has most certainly opened up a door of new appreciation for my two remaining kidlings, my partner makes it hard because he seems to be pushing them away more anf the work load of everything is falling upon my own shoulders, it was only in the last couple of months that he really began to help, getting up to them of a morning to allow me to sleep in even getting up to ruby through out the night, unfortunately hes taken all this as reason to dump it all back on me, i havent ever coped well with parenting but i do my best.
    thanks again guys, its nice to have people out there who understand my feelings and care..

  16. #16

    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Newcastle, NSW
    Posts
    4,219

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    Bella
    I am so very sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved angel Jesse.
    It is true that you can still visit Jesse and talk with him... my DH and I talk with Noah and buy him things... it is almost a year since we lost him... and we're planning to buy him an Angel day present for the day he was born.
    It does get easier... though the pain is still always there, it is just less suffocating. I hope you and your DH can get through this together... perhaps you and your DH should look at getting some counselling... I know it has helped many other people in similar situations.
    My heart and thoughts are with you.
    Lisa

  17. #17
    spreckemily Guest

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    Bella, I am a regular on the Tassie thread and Melinda, Fraser and I meet up in Taroona. Feel free to visit us in the Tassie thread and we'll have a chat.

    I am so sorry for your loss.

    XOX

  18. #18
    Melinda Guest

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    Bella - here is the link to the Tassie thread: http://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums/...ad.php?t=25526

    We chat a bit in there, but always welcome more members!!

    It seems we have something else in common - I too have a daughter named Ruby. She is 3.5 months old. I also have a son, Jacob, who is nearly 2.5.

    It's a very hard job being a parent - the hardest job in the world I think, but also the most rewarding. You're thrown into it without any experience and just expected to know what to do - so it's a continual learning experience.

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