Hi everyone, well I'm losing the baby, I started to bleed last night and it just got heavier and heavier, and now I have really bad cramps, so I'm pretty sure I'm losing the baby!

Rang Dr. and he said there's nothing I can do or him for that matter, I see him on Tuesday for an ultrasound just to make sure.

DH and I were up half the night me crying and talking to him and vise versa, we've decided and this was very hard for me to do coz I do want more babies but I strongly feel that this is again nature's way of telling me I have 2 beautiful healthy children and that's my quota if that makes any sense!

I'm now well on Tuesday going to talk to the DR about having a hysterectomy, this is something they've suggested happen after my (well this pregnancy ) was over so it's not a light decision it's one that's been happening for quite a long time.
So Christmas or just after is probably when it'll happen.

I kinda just feel angry but numb, Im angry at my body, coz I can't understand why I can't do this again, so I feel that my body just can't or won't do it again and I honestly can't go through this again, I don't have the strength, and I feel in sayng that, that I'm selfish after all you brave amazing women keep going and going and I'm just giving up, but I just can't anymore.

I feel that now that I've made my decision I need the stength and determination (for lake of a better word) to follow through and put it outta my mind to become a Mummy again, as I said b4 I have 2 amazing wonderful children that I am going to focus on now and love and watch them grow, this desire I have for another will I guess just fade away (hopefully).

I'm not sure what else to write or say nothing can be done or this can't be fixed, I have to except it and move on.

Thanks all for everything I love you guys.xx