Guys I wrote a massive post and put it in windows and then William turned off the computer. :fuming:


Basically I had a massive talk with him over an hour it turns out that I've had a FULL miscarriage, which means everything has come away so there's no need for a D&C good news at least.
But the mass post was telling you guys how much of a pathetic hypocrite I feel, I feel as though I've been pushed into this decision of not wanting another baby coz this is the 2nd miscarriage in 3-4 months and according to my MUM :fuming: my body has had enough.... with the 10 operations for endometriosis and having had cin III, and various lapsroscopies (sp?) etc and all the others hassels having periods that last 50 days and then stop for 2 days then start again, blood loss etc just whole lot a bull$hit, others have been through much worse GOD!

Anyway I called DH crying telling him all of this and he's said it's our decision and I agreed, mind you in the same breath he states that I know how he feels!!!! (doesn't want anymore)....

Dr says he won't give me hysterectomy this year until we've ALL had a chance to talk it over, now most if not all of you would be thinking surely it's not her Mum's/Dad's decision it's her's and DH's, yeah at 32 I'd hope it was that way also, so why on earth does it effect me so damn much about what they think, WHY WHY WHY..... :fuming:

This is why I feel like a hypocritical loser coz I get one encouraging word from the OBGYN and then I'm all back on track for wanting to try again. He says that me losing the 2 babies in a row is Nature's way of telling me that these two babies weren't for me and I've always said it's Nature's way and I did say that it's her way that maybe Im only mean to have 2 and it's my bodies telling me something else, and he said look we both know you can carry babies to 35+ weeks and there's absolutly no reason why you can't do it again.

I feel I have been forced into excepting a decision I don't want, I have always said I wanted 3 not 2, and now I feel as though I don't have the right to change my mind AGAIN.... though as I said I believe that Im being pushed into it by others, this is why I'm so very confused and hurt,
do I even make sense....

I know that the financial hardships will be just that and I can provide better for 2 than with 3 I know this but I can't let this supress the need for another baby... or can I?
That's what Mum wants me to do, except that I can't have anymore and move on... She's had 6-7 miscarrages and some were well past the 5 mth stage I know 2 were for sure, so surely she understands the need i feel in my heart for another. Look I think I'm just rambaling on now and I just hope Im not judged by anyone, but I do want HONEST opinions about wether or not you think Im pathetic and can't make up my mind to save my life.......... Sorry for the long post