Oh hun, don't ever apologise for joining us, we all just wish someone else wasn't going through what so many of us have had to go through.

I found myself in exactly your situation just over a week ago - devasting, heartbreaking, praying they have got it wrong or the machine was malfunctioning, bubs was asleep, anything but the cold reality you couldn't face.

I'm in NZ too (Welly) - if you are local, anywhere near Kapiti/Wairarapa/Welly/Palmie, PLEASE let's keep in touch - I would love to support you in anyway you need - I do know how you feel and what you are going to go through.

I found out on the Tues there was no heartbeat and had to wait til the following Mon for a D&C, I then started naturally on the Saturday before- for me personally this was a blessing as I was so scared (hoping against hope I suppose) that they had 'got it wrong' and would be D&Cing a healthy baby - this sort of sorted my head out a bit.

Like you have said, NZ doesn't have this kind of support, BB is SUPERB, the girls on here are SO supportive and are probably single-handedly (ie all of them!!) responsible for saving my sanity this last 10 days.

Ask anything, vent your feelings, shout and scream, anything - we WILL understand as far far too many of us have been there.

Sending you lots of hugs, so unfair someone else has to go through this

Take care of you
Alex
xxxxxxx