if i read the words "silly" or "selfish" again in regard to this, i'm gonna have to hunt you down in tomorrows 43 degree heat, and wrap you in the biggest squishiest hug EVER as punishment
you know what - it doesn't matter how planned or unplanned a pregnancy it - it freakin HURTS to lose it, and anyone that tells you that you're wrong to feel that pain has absolutely NFI how much it hurts! you can't just lock those feelings away, you cant pretend it didn't happen
for 36 or 48 hours you knew in your heart that you were going to be a mum again. it wasn't the timing you expected, but it wasn't bad news - just unplanned! in that time, you had an amazing capacity to love that little embryo open up within you - and when that angel was stolen from you, that part of your heart was ripped out.
your friend - well, they're either insensitive, have no idea of what you're going through - or have a serious case of foot in mouth disease. the reality is, this WILL hurt. you can try to pretend it doesn't, but all you're doing is lying to yourself
LET YOURSELF FEEL this - if you dont, it's going to screw with you for a damn long time - you'll go through moments of self doubt (what did i do to make this happen), guilt (i wasn't ready for baby, i must have done something) and then extreme guilt for denying your angel the love and respect it deserves. trust me - i did this with one of my angels - i refused to grieve for a long time - i didn't know i was pg, so why should i feel any pain. i ended up really messed up until i allowed myself to access the emotions regarding that angels loss
thinking of you (and please don't make me hunt you down - it's gonna be DAMN hot and i don't wanna!)
I've been there and seen what you have seen and over 9 years later it still brings tears to my eyes.
Please let yourself grieve it's SO important. I would only let myself cry in the shower when no one would know, I felt like I was being silly grieving but honestly it catches up to you. I hit the wall months later and didn't know why i couldn't stop crying and it eventually all came out. Then came the guilt of not acknowledging them earlier.
I'm still grieving 9 years after loosing the twins and they will always be a part of our family.
I acknowledge them now and talk about them with their brother and sister. We light candles on their due date and christmas etc. We planted a gorgeous rose bush for them that grows beautifully in a garden that doesn't do well otherwise and we pick the flowers and bring them inside and enjoy them.
I guess all I'm trying to say is that IF your baby has gone, let yourself cry and don't let what you hear from others dictate to you what you feel. I heard some amazingly cruel things from people who should know better. Just follow your heart.
Also Ditto to what BG said... It always hurts..... also HUGS BG.... you sound like you have been through alot....
I feel your pain. Its an aweful thing to go through. I hope you have some friends or family you can talk to at this time. I found talking bout it helped.After keeping things to myself for such a long time it was eatting away at me. Once i had opened up a good friend of mine suggested releasing a white balloon into the sky and saying a few things. It really helped me. It helped me to let go and open up about my feelings. If you need to chat i'm a good listener....
RIP little angel babies.... Always in our hearts
Last edited by Je$$_84; February 6th, 2009 at 03:48 PM.
kate, please dont be. it wasnt something i was going to put on you sweets.. after all, you just came to get a trampoline, and it was between visits it all happened. please dont feel bad.... Just promise me your neice will enjoy and get so much out of the tramp! DD cried after you left, but i explained to her about your neice and she actually was so sweet and said "i want to go and help her learn to walk, and jump and play" made me cry more! I was so proud of her....
BG- OMG'ness girl, you made me cry so much harder! I almost wanna make you come here just so i can get one of your beary hugs! You are a serious gem sweetheart, you really are!!!!!! And i just want to say, from all you wrote i can feel the pain you have felt, and it shows how special you are to be able to go beyond your own pain, in the need of someone else and be there for them!!!
Missy- to read that you have seen what i saw today just made me cry even more than i already was from BG. The fact you have and could relate to me meant so much!!!!!! I want to congratulate you on your little bundle... i am so happy for you! I hope the next 6 months go smoothly for you and i cant wait to see your announcement
Jess- that is such a beautiful idea, about the balloon! Thank you so much for your words... means alot to me.
P- No need to thank me, just nice to be able to be here for people who have gone through what i have and to be able to offer an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on. (even iof its virtual)
For me it always felt like i had done something wrong for it to happen to me. I felt so much guilt and pain that i bottled it up and told no one not even DP. Made up excuses for appointments just so he never knew until my last one and i just couldnt keep it to myself anylonger. i was a blubbering mess.... DP didnt handle it so well then either. i didnt think that he would have felt pain like i did but he was hurt that i kept it from him and i think he felt like he didnt get a chance to grieve for our angels. Few days later my good friend took me to a beautiful lookout and we released 3 ballons to symbolise my angels flying away to heaven. Its very emotional and will always stay with me. (crying now thinking of it but in a nice way now) I really hope that you have support around you and get that chance to let out all of your feelings.
My dr confirmed it this morning... what i held in my hand yesterday was what would of been baby #3!!!! /crys
I am so guttered!
My dr said she feel's confident by what i lost that it was as complete as we could hope for, and to just be careful for a few days and watch the pain and bleeding.
I had a wedding to shoot today, i had to drive straight there after i saw the Dr, and i cried all the way there... pulled myself together went in and did all the pre-bride stuff... left there to get to the ceremony and cried all that way, then pulled myself together and back into it. It was hard as the cramping and bleeding got worse today... i could feel it and was just feeling so inside. sighs.
Now i am just questioning how? what did i do? was it me? was it something else? I just want to know why and what happened!!!!!!!
For a second i have been thinking, maybe this is what i want more than anything, my baby #3... but then i know i really did want to loose this weight nd get my psoriasis under control before having bubs #3... i feel so conflicted inside!! I guess the emotions of this loss...
Arghhhh the image of what i passed yesterday... i keep wanting to call it my baby, but then i feel stupid as i know at this time what i passed was a group of cells.. Dr said i would of been 4.5 weeks.. but then for to call it and it and a bunch of cells makes me sick and i feel guilty!
I even feel ashamed that i just flushed it away.... but i didnt know what to do. I have never seen anything like that in my life and i dunno... i just didnt think!
Emotions aside, due you think the reason i lost bubs was because there was 3/4 days between when i O'd and when we DTD??
I Guess i am trying to find answer's as i feel it will help!
/crys
i just wanna go back to before 12pm yest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No matter how small they are, they are still our angel babies, and you have every right to be sad, hurt, upset, confused and everything else you are thinking and feeling.
We also had an unexpected pregnancy and it was at a really inconvienient time for us financially. We had a missed miscarriage and only found out when I was at the Dr's looking for the heart beat. I tried to think of everything that would have caused my angel baby to leave us including me getting very upset, the stress of an unexpected pregnancy and everything. But really there is almost no way of know why it happened. I let myself grieve up until the baby would have been due and then tried to move forward.
Even now I still get sad about our lost angels, but I have one beautiful daughter and another bubs on the way. Focus on your little ones, DD's hugs were the best cure for me.
Hun a fair few of us have been there. I was there mid last year. Please know you are not alone and you are well within your rights to grieve this precious angel that was too perfect for this Earth. Sometimes there is no reason for them to leave us, sometimes they just need to come and be with us for such a fleeting time. You did nothing wrong hun.
You have posted before that pregnancy can reduce the severity of your Px so maybe once you feel that you have reached a weight you are more comfortable with is a more realistic goal, and your Px may be easier to get under control immediately after a pregnancy.
As for flushing it away hun, I did it too. There is not much else you can do when it is so tiny as to need a microscope to see the actual Embie.
Sweetheart, if you need to talk, PM me or click the little blue guy at the top of my post for MSN.
bec im soo sorry, like i have said to you today, im here for you..
you did nothing wrong for this to happen, bubs just didn't feel it was their time to come and meet you, but they will always be tehre watching over you and they will help you through your next pregnancy..
i totally understand how your feeling, i have been there myself and its terrible you just try to find something to blame when in total fairness there is noone to blame. and thats what makes it so hard to understand.
you are so strong for being there and working today, and its that strength that will get you through this, dont be ashamed to cry, or to show your anger over this its only natural and is part of teh greiving process. i should really listen to my own advice sometimes lol but hey its no fun telling yourself all teh nursy stuff lol
focus on your goal and then when your happy in yourself your little bubba will hold on tight and join you in the journey of life.
You are a brave woman to soldier on and work today. I had a missed m/c and had a d&c. I recall the day after passing a clot and having to flush it. I cried so much after that even though in my mind my baby had already gone. Nothing really makes this easy to get through apart from allowing yourself to grieve, giving yourself time and the help of your loved ones (an BB members) who are hear to listen and offer support.
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please dont feel bad.... Just promise me your neice will enjoy and get so much out of the tramp! DD cried after you left, but i explained to her about your neice and she actually was so sweet and said "i want to go and help her learn to walk, and jump and play" made me cry more! I was so proud of her.... 
And i just want to say, from all you wrote i can feel the pain you have felt, and it shows how special you are to be able to go beyond your own pain, in the need of someone else and be there for them!!! 
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